Meet the Joiners

Fertility & Furniture Updates

2012-01-30T05:30:00.000-06:00

So I seem to have inadvertently started a trend of posting primarily on Mondays and Wednesdays, with Wednesdays being Way Back When-sday editions. This has worked out well because it has allowed me to blog in advance on Sundays without being too overwhelmed by the task. However, this has also provided me with a very convenient excuse to not share anything of real substance.

And while it is nice to keep this surface-level sometimes, I also know that it is not necessarily what this blog of a self-proclaimed over-sharer is known for. So in order to be true to my roots, let's talk about the one thing I can't seem to shut up about: my reproductive system.

Nothing too exciting to report at this point, since today is only day 20 of my cycle. It would be redundant to point out that we are hoping to get pregnant this cycle (oh, you didn't realize we were trying to have a baby? I know, it's probably because I don't mention it very often), but at the very least, Needle Lady and I are hoping for another normal cycle (as in, 32 days or less).

I'd like to think I was on the right track, but when I woke up with a UTI late last week, it kind of threw a wrench in our plans. I don't want to get into the specifics (because I'm pretty sure my dad still at least occasionally reads this), but let's just say that it wasn't ideal timing.

I texted my acupuncturist (have I mentioned she's the best?), and she advised me to go get checked out, get on a prescription, and stay off the herbs until the prescription was done. This sent me into a minor tailspin because I have attributed no small part of my successfully shorter cycles to the herbs.

However, I took this as yet another reminder from God that HE is the one in control. Not me. Not Needle Lady. Not the herbs. If this is the cycle that He intends for us to get pregnant, then He can and will make that happen regardless of what antibiotics I start or herbs I stop.

Thankfully, there have been enough "interruptions" to our attempts to conceive in the past 27 months (tuberculosis scare, anyone?) to where I am not totally shaken up when things go wrong like this. My feathers were a little ruffled while I sat in the "waiting area" at the RediClinic after work on Thursday evening, whining to Brian about how this UTI was ruining our entire lives, but I got over it.

On a side note, I learned that my nurse (also named Amanda) and her husband were also dealing with infertility, so not only did I appreciate her sincere sympathy, but I was thankful to be able to provide her with some encouragement as well.

The "doctor," on the other hand? Didn't handle my situation quite so gracefully. When she came into the exam room (after I had already peed in a cup in the HEB bathroom because the RediClinic doesn't have its own), she said, "Congratulations! You're pregnant!"

Um? I stared at her blankly, thankfully well aware that I could not yet be pregnant, and then realized that she was joking. The nurse and I had literally just stopped talking about my failed attempts at Clomid & Femara (which the doctor didn't know), so I laughed politely, and said, "Funny, because we were actually just talking about my inability to do so!"

She was not even remotely embarrassed, actually- instead she responded with, "Well then maybe I'm speaking a blessing over you and you will be!" Well let's hope that's the case.

So that's the latest. Now let's get onto the real excitement: our new furniture! We bought a new sectional for our living room and it finally arrived yesterday!

Here's a before picture from when we first moved into the house:

The chair and couches were all 3 hand-me-downs from our family, and while we loved and appreciated them, we were ready for something of our own (and something a little less blue). You might recall that we replaced the blue recliner with an oversized chair last Spring (click here for a picture).

So what we did was flip that to the right side of the room and add the sectional to the middle/left side. And here's the end result:

And here's a picture of the sectional by itself:

It definitely feels like the furniture takes up more of the room, but I'm ok with that... besides, bigger = cozier!

Note: that random pillow at the foot of the sectional belongs to the dogs. I know it looks pretty busy next to the rug, but they don't seem to mind :) And in fact, I stopped to take a picture of them (of course, not utilizing their pillow) as well:

Whenever Noah sits/lays down, Buster goes and sits literally on top of him. We think it's sweet... Noah doesn't agree.

Classic Buster, doing tricks for attention & classic Noah, completely disinterested

Have a great week!

I'm famous!

2012-01-27T06:18:00.000-06:00

Ok that might be a stretch, but I was recently interviewed, and I think you might want to go check it out here.

Also, major props to my interviewer, Erika, for coming up with the ~~strangest~~ most original questions I've ever heard/read!

Happy reading and happy Friday, all!

Way back when-sday

2012-01-25T05:30:00.000-06:00

I know, three in a row- I'm on a roll!!

For this week's Way Back When-sday, allow me to introduce you to he excited 80s face. Whenever I take a picture with Allison and we decide to do a "non-serious" pic, the excited 80s face is what results 99% of the time.

And because I think true a true WBW post requires scanning, rather than show you some recent pictures as proof, I decided to include a few throw-backs. Enjoy!

At our sister's wedding in 2002... sorry I wasn't participating fully in this one, but Allison's face was too good not to share!

At one of our sorority's date parties in 2003

At one of Allison's wedding showers in 2006

In case you haven't tried making this face in pictures, you definitely should. I think it makes them more fun to look at, don't you? Feel free to do your own excited 80s face post as proof of your efforts!

Weekend review

2012-01-23T05:30:00.000-06:00

Unlike some weekends where one or two activities occupy all of our time (i.e.: furniture shopping, traveling, Aggie football, etc.), I think it's safe to say that this past weekend was a very well-rounded one for me and Brian. We went out on a date on Friday night (complete with Mexican food consumption, grocery shopping, and watching Dateline), I volunteered at the Museum of Natural Science for the Junior League on Saturday, we went to one of my co-worker's weddings on Saturday night, and we wrapped the weekend up on Sunday with church and lounging around the house. Sometimes I really can't get over how glamorous our lives really are...

Fortunately for those of you that prefer pictures to words, I actually took some photographs at two of the weekend's events, so you don't have to read my rambling for a change!

First, a few pictures from the Museum. They held an event called "Dog Daze" and people were allowed to bring their dogs for activities, contests, etc. I convinced Brian to bring Noah & Buster up to visit, and I think they enjoyed themselves:

I helped out at the "Paw Painting" station- this was the end result. Noah was actually much more cooperative than most of the other dogs, so he was responsible for a large portion of this "artwork"!

Noah and Buster's paw prints on display! We are such proud parents :)

They had a "Pretty Pooch Pageant," and even though most of the dogs that entered were (a) frilly or (b) in costume, we decided to entire Noah anyway. Brian tried to sign Buster up, too, but apparently you could only enter one dog per family... he would have won, for sure.

I think this was when Noah spotted me and Buster while he was waiting in line and started whining... doesn't Brian look like he's having fun??

Brian & Noah lined up with some of the competition

Sadly, Noah did not place- that big brown dog (a Chesapeake Bay Retriever named "Whopper") on the left ended up winning!

Can you tell someone was a little tuckered out from the excitement?

Later that day at my co-worker's wedding... notice that (a) her cake was beautiful, (b) the view was amazing, and (c) yes, that groom's cake is supposed to look like bacon!

Me with my date... this picture might look familiar considering that I wore that dress at our own rehearsal dinner... as well as to two other weddings. Time for a new dress? Yes.

Me with some of my lovely co-workers/friends!

And of course, a picture with the beautiful bride, Liz! I love getting pictures with brides, but I also hate it because it usually makes me feel fat and pale in comparison. I know any males reading this are rolling their eyes, but any females reading this are thinking, "YES! I can totally relate!"

So there you have it. Hope your weekends were equally well-rounded!

Way back when-sday

2012-01-18T05:30:00.000-06:00

Welcome to my second ever attempt at participating in Way back when-sday!

Today's WBW focuses on bath time. Most people probably associate bathing with privacy, but apparently efficiency trumped privacy in my family's house, which is why most of our bath times looked a little something like this:

Twins + Barbies

Twins

Elizabeth + Andrew + Twins

Take 2

Somehow Elizabeth got out of this photo opp...

Ok so apparently she just outgrew the "fun" entirely?

I appreciate that I'm sporting a bow AND a necklace at this particular bath time. So fancy.

Apparently Allison wasn't having nearly as much fun as I was?

I can't imagine why... looks like a blast to me!

A few thoughts:

1. The house was old which is why the bath tub looks dingy. Although when you are bathing in not just your own filth but also the filth of 1-3 other people, I'm not really sure if that is really cause for concern anyway.

2. I like how Barbie decided group bath time was just more than she could bear and therefore apparently decided to take her own life in the last pic.

3. In case any of you ever wondered why I'm not very good at doing (any) things by myself, these pictures might explain why.

Remember to head on over to Allison's blog to check out the rest of the WBW fun!

Rows and rows of big dark clouds*

2012-01-16T05:30:00.000-06:00

Somebody please give me a gold star because I am proud to report that my most recent cycle only lasted 30 days. If you'll recall that the "standard" length is 28 days, then that makes me just 2 days away from normal. Or light years away, if you ask my close friends and family :)

Although come to think of it, somebody should probably take that gold star away and downgrade it to a silver because we still aren't pregnant. Story. of. our. lives. Oh well, at least there were no tears this time. Just excessive amounts of telling Brian how terrible my life is and a few fits of rage- par for the course, right?

I did, however, recently re-discover one of my favorite songs to cry to. What? Don't act like you don't have songs that you listen to when you're down with the sole purpose of indulging your self-pity even further (much like this).

Anyway, the song is "Rain"* by Patty Griffin. Go listen to that and try to tell me that her target audience wasn't emotionally fragile females. I originally discovered this song in college when I was going through a break-up, aka: the deepest extent to which I understood sadness prior to going through infertility.

But NOW that I have fun experiences like this one to ponder, I conceptualize sadness on an entirely different level, so just think of the fun I'll have cranking this one up on my iPod! The possibilities are really endless... so thank you, Patty Griffin!

Oh, and what's even more amusing than the fact that I have re-added this to my mental playlist of songs to play when I'm sad is how I rediscovered it: by watching a commercial for a show on TLC about morbidly obese people. I'm not doing a very good job of convincing you that my life is anything other than pathetic, am I?

More life lessons from the Lifetime channel

2012-01-09T05:30:00.000-06:00

Today, January 9th, marks one year since Vomit Fest 2011! I am thankful to report that (a) I have not thrown up once since that day, and (b) I am no longer taking the medicine that was in large part responsible for that unpleasant reaction.

I am also glad to report that a winner has been selected for our Scentsy giveaway - a big congrats to Callie Tanner! Sorry to the rest of you that did not win, BUT the good news is that you can still shop in the online party until the end of the month, so get to it :)

And in other news, because I don't spend enough time blogging about sad infertility-related topics, I wanted to share a clip that I recently watched from Julie & Julia. I watched this movie for the first time in the summer of 2009, but because that occurred in the time period in our lives known as "Before We Were Trying to Get Pregnant," I thought nothing of the scene at the time.

I couldn't find it on the internet, so I took a very professional video of the clip with my iPhone. I wouldn't be surprised if youtube decided that was not ok, so if this video isn't working at some point, you'll know why! Lifetime is replaying the movie currently on a semi-regular basis, however, including tonight at 8 pm CST, so if nothing else, you can check it out there.

To set the scene for you, Julia Child (married, in her 40s, and childless) is cooking in the kitchen when her husband, Paul, brings her a letter with news from her recently married sister (who, coincidentally, plays Sue Sylvester in Glee). Now watch to see what happens next:

Sadly, I can relate perfectly with this scene- from her attempt to convince her husband (and perhaps more importantly, herself) that she really is happy for the pregnant person despite the tears streaming down her face, to being comforted by the sweet husband that wants so desperately to fix it.

Though I have never (so far!) received this news from friends/family via snail mail, I have gotten my fair share of e-mails, facebook messages, phone calls, and face-to-face announcements that turned out the very same way. Fortunately, over the last couple of years, I have grown accustomed to receiving this news and putting on my bravest face in response. Don't be fooled, however, because even if the tears don't come immediately, they most definitely do as soon as I've hung up the phone or gotten safely behind closed doors.

Which brings me to two quick points- (1) I know how hard it is to be on the receiving end of this news, so I can only imagine how hard it must be to be the one delivering the news to someone in a situation like mine. So I wanted to publicly thank everyone for doing so as tactfully and gently as possible (most often Allison, the designated messenger) and also apologize for likely (unintentionally!) making you feel bad. (2) I am pretty terrified of having to be on the other side of the fence when we DO finally get pregnant when it comes to telling my sub-fertile friends. Although I have become pretty convinced that the best way to get pregnant is to just become friends with me, so there likely won't be any left once it finally is our turn :)

Ok so I didn't mean to ramble on for as long as I did. Just wanted to share that for those of you who can relate, and those who can't! Thanks, Meryl Streep, for making me feel like I'm not the only crazy one!

I'm not sure 2012 can get any more exciting than this

2012-01-07T15:15:00.000-06:00

Well hello there, friends!

I am off to a great start by having done only one cop-out blog post thus far for 2012. I'm sorry for being such a slacker, but just remember that God forgives and so should you :)

To catch everyone up on the excitement that is my life, allow me to share some tidbits with you:

- As a reminder, the Scentsy giveaway ends tonight, Saturday, 1/7, at 11:59 pm! It's not too late to enter- and remember, no purchase is necessary!

- With that in mind, I also highly encourage you to go check out the online Scentsy party Allison & I are hosting for Kimmie and buy yourself (or someone else) something nice. My scent recommendations: "Central Park Pralines," "White Out" (smells like peppermint, not like the office supply, promise), and "Happy Birthday." Also, for the men in your life, "My Dear Watson" is great- especially in the scent circle that you hang in your car! (FYI: "Join party" just allows you to shop around- no obligatory e-mail sign-up or anything. You have until January 31st to make a purchase!)

- I spent the last week in San Francisco for work. By "in San Francisco," I mean that I was in a town about 40 miles away that wasn't nearly as fun and exciting as San Francisco. A few observations from my time in the obviously very "green" bay area:

1. I'm pretty sure every household is required to own at least one Prius. If you're wondering why I would even notice this, then clearly you are not from Texas, where every household is required to own at least one gas-guzzling pick-up truck.
2. They make throwing away trash very complicated. Each trash can has one hole for composting, one hole for recycling, and one hole for everything else. I was paralyzed with fear when trying to throw away my trash from lunch on the first day and had to ask a stranger to help me. Spesh.

Also, it's worth mentioning that I was in my pajamas and in bed at the hotel room every night by 7 pm. Some of you may call that lame. I call that the ideal vacation. And certainly preferable to the "excitement" I experienced on that work trip I took to New Orleans a few years back.

- After 5 days/4 nights away, I was very excited to be reunited with my husband, dogs, and bath tub! Brian picked me up at the airport last night around 11:30, and because we live in Egypt, we weren't home and in bed until 1 am.

As you can imagine, I was still very tired when I woke up this morning at 7:30 am and had to go to the bathroom. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep if I didn't, however, so I rolled out of bed and started my trek to the bathroom. I noticed that my leg was asleep, but in my sleepy stupor decided I would just limp my way there.

This was all fine and good until 3 steps later when my leg buckled and I ended up in a pile on the floor next to Brian's side of the bed. I cried out helplessly and thankfully he quickly came to my rescue. I really was impressed that he didn't laugh because I definitely looked like the "I've fallen and I can't get up!" lady from the Life Call commercials.

- Speaking of Brian, today we were talking about what blood types we each have (I know, our thrilling topics of conversation are the envy of all our married friends). I wondered out loud what blood type our future baby/babies would have, and do you want to know what Brian's response was?

"Unicorn blood."

I guess we just better hope that our children never require blood transfusions because they'd be out of luck.

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend!

Scentsy Online Party + Giveaway

2012-01-03T06:00:00.000-06:00

Happy new year, everyone! To start the year off on the right foot, Allison and I are co-hosting an online Scentsy party AND giveaway for our old pal and new Scentsy consultant, Kimmie!

You can find the details for both the online party and giveaway on Allison's blog by clicking here. Please note that all entries for the giveaway need to be made on Allison's post, so be sure to leave your comments there and not here!

You have until January 7th to enter the giveaway and until January 31st to buy from Kimmie through our online party. Enjoy!

2011 Recap, aka: a post with an absurd amount of links

2011-12-31T15:21:00.002-06:00

I have had good intentions the past few days of writing a 2011 recap post- really, I have! But if we're going to be honest, it is a little depressing for me to think that our primary goal for the year was yet again unmet. Nonetheless, baby or no baby, we have been and continue to be very blessed, so I think it is only right that I take a moment to remember all that has happened in the past year.

In January, I wrote this post about how I was disappointed to learn that the start of a new year didn't necessarily mean any changes on the fertility front. In case you are wondering how I'm feeling about the start of 2012, you can pretty much just re-read this post and you'll have an idea. I also experienced Vomit Fest 2011 just prior to our vacay to NYC with the Olivers.

In February, we celebrated Valentine's Day and tried out a new Fertility Specialist, who turned out to be a bit of a dud, so it was back to Dr. C (along with Robot Nurse & Goldfish Nurse, unfortunately) we went.

In March, I continued my appointments (and frustration) with Dr. C. Brian decided to take up card tricks as a hobby during his phase of unemployment, and together we finally wrapped up the entire series of Lost on Netflix.

In April, we celebrated our one year house-versary, I continued to be irritated with fertility treatments (are you noticing a trend yet?), and after I wrote him this letter, our sweet nephew, Davis, finally entered the world!

In May, we celebrated Brian's and my/Allison's 28th birthdays. Brian also started a temp job (which ended up becoming permanent in August), AND we got excited about what was looking like a successful round of fertility treatment!

In June, sadly we learned that the round was not successful, but were semi-encouraged by the fact that we had finally gotten a fertilized egg. Because that month wasn't crappy enough already, I then found out that I had at some point been exposed to an Oregon trail disease. On second thought, let's just forget about June altogether.

In July, I got to see NKOTBSB in concert and resumed fertility treatment with one final round of Femara. I also had my first "blog date" ever and met my blog BFF, Erika, in person!

In August, we celebrated 4 years of marriage with a trip to Seattle. Upon realizing that the round of Femara was (surprise!) unsuccessful, we gave Dr. C the boot and I decided to give acupuncture a try.

In September, I found out that I won a blog contest, did my first ever "vlog," and continued acupuncture treatments, which entailed following a lot of new food guidelines.

In October, Brian almost died by participating in his own Vomit Fest 2011, and I found two new inspirational songs - one that makes most people want to claw their eyes out and one that hopefully doesn't. And yep, you guessed it- I kept going with acupuncture!

In November, I took a trip to Santa Fe with my mom AND did my first ever giveaway! I also posted this Christmas stocking stuffer post, which apparently was successful being that I received everything on the list this year! Oh, and Brian and I both got promoted at work!

In December, we got our hopes up about my third cycle with acupuncture, but were disappointed once more. Brian and I celebrated our date-a-versary, and Christmas came and went.

So there you have it. A rather lengthy (and repetitive!) recap of a year with the Joiners. Obviously, a lot of other significant events happened along the way, but I just wanted to hit the blog highlights. I'm hopeful that next year's 2012 recap will look a little like this:

We got pregnant and had a baby! The end.

And being that this post has dragged on like it has, I'm guessing you're hoping for a post that brief as well :) Farewell, 2011- it was (semi-)nice knowing you! And here's to what will hopefully be a memorable 2012...

Way back when-sday

2011-12-28T13:46:00.002-06:00

Yes, that's right, friends, this is my first ever Way back when-sday post! As many of you know, my sister (the hot babe in the pic above) started WBW a while back, and although many people have since joined in on the fun, for some reason, I have yet to participate.

I can't guarantee that I'll become a WBW regular (because let's be honest, I can't guarantee that I will do anything regularly when it comes to blogging), but I'm here for now and hope to be back in the future, so hopefully that will suffice for now.

As I have mentioned before, Brian proposed to me on Christmas Day (2006), so Christmas is twice as special to us. In honor of that, today's WBW will take you on a little stroll down memory lane through all 9 of the Christmases that Brian and I have shared thus far. Enjoy!

Christmas 2011 at the ranch

Christmas 2010 at the ranch

Christmas 2009 at Brian's youth group's tacky sweater Christmas party

Christmas (morning) 2008 at the ranch

Christmas 2007 (our first married Christmas!) in Santa Fe

Christmas 2006 in Austin (just an hour or two before the proposal, little did I know!)

Christmas 2005 in Austin

Christmas break 2004 - sorry, apparently we didn't take any Christmas-y pictures that year?

And now for the one that you've all been waiting for (aka: the worst picture ever taken of us):

Christmas break 2003... this was taken outside of Brian's parents' house in Richmond just a couple of weeks after we started dating. I am certainly not looking stellar myself, but I think you'll all agree that Brian's hair is the star of the show in this picture...

Merry belated Christmas to you all!

The night before Christmas

2011-12-24T07:00:00.000-06:00

I realize this is a non-traditional Christmas song, but I think the lyrics are the most appropriate today as we remember the original Christmas Eve:

Empty manger, perfect stranger,
about to be born
into darkness, sadness, desperate madness,
creation so torn.
We were so lost on earth, no peace, no worth,
no way to escape.
In fear, no faith, no hope, no grace,
and no light,
but that was the night before Christmas.

Merry Christmas Eve to all!

PS- If you're in the Sugar Land area, we would love for you to join us at Living Stones Church for our Christmas Eve service tonight at 5 pm (directions on the website)... rumor has it that there will be cookies :)

Proof that the halls are, indeed, decked

2011-12-22T05:30:00.000-06:00

Christmas is upon us, my friends, and sadly, that means that the days of our Christmas decorations are numbered. I know I already shared pictures of the majority of our decorations with you last year, so I won't bore you with a repeat. Instead, I am only going to share with you this year's new additions. You're welcome.

O, Christmas tree... ok so this one isn't new. But due to a furniture purchase earlier this year, the tree was relocated to a different corner, so it counts, right? :)

I don't have a fancy camera, so I generally can't take fancy pictures- but that doesn't stop me from trying. Behold our Santa Claus and his two holly trees!

Here is the un-fancy (but undoubtedly more revealing) view.

Again, the stockings aren't new but they ARE in a different location. And the bow (originally made by my talented mother-in-law for gift-wrapping purposes) and advent calendar most definitely are new!

Close-up shot of the advent calendar that Brian actually picked out... which makes me love it even more :) For those that are curious, each day holds a peppermint Hershey's kiss (except Christmas day, which holds 10+). We trade off every other day who gets to eat the Hershey's kiss because we like to keep it even like that.

Our Christmas cards! They are (obviously) new, but I have re-purposed a picture tree to display them AND the blocks (spelling out "joy") in front are also a new addition.

These are an oldie but a goodie- we used to eat on these growing up, and my mom very kindly handed them down to me. They aren't necessarily my style, but I love them mostly for their sentimental value.

As many of you saw on facebook, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law came in town last week and stayed with us for 2 nights. Because they are awesome, they made us dinner one night. And because they are even more awesome, they surprised us (ok, me) with these Spode Christmas dishes and serving piece!

A few years ago when I was thinking about buying a set of Christmas dishes, Brian suggested that we wait until we have kids to do so. Little did he (or I) know that "until we have kids" would equal a sweet eternity! Recently I casually asked if he wouldn't mind us going ahead and getting some next year (you know, in case we are still childless) because I was tired of not having any. So imagine my surprise when I came home from work that night to find them on our dining room table. Thank you, Terrie, Don, and Shannon!

So there you have it! Fingers crossed that next year there will be an extra stocking to add to the mix...

Date-a-versary Recap

2011-12-20T05:30:00.000-06:00

I'm here to report that our date-a-versary celebration was a success! Allow me to recap the mini-adventure for you:

The hotel
We stayed at the Intercontinental Hotel near the Galleria and loved it! And they got bonus points for pretty Christmas decorations. Brian's company's Christmas party was fun, but being that Brian is still fairly new there, it was a lot like being at a wedding for a couple neither of us knew very well. Nonetheless, he made me a very proud wife because everyone that I did meet was very complimentary of him and how much of a help he has been there- always nice to hear!

One "special" highlight from the otherwise wonderful accommodations: While taking advantage of the free breakfast buffet, I took a bite out of my apple walnut muffin only to find this in my mouth:

To clarify, it was the rock, not the penny. The penny is just there as a size reference. But back to the point: there was basically a piece of gravel in my muffin. How does that even happen?! I didn't want to make a scene, but made sure to mention it to the person at the front desk when we walked out.

He was very apologetic, asked our room number, and started clicking frantically on his computer. Sorry, buddy, but I'm pretty sure there isn't a section on what to do when a guest finds a rock in her muffin in your online manual. We insisted that we really weren't expecting anything in return, but rather just wanted to make sure they were aware. Maybe next time you should bake your muffins inside the kitchen and not out on the playground. Just a suggestion.

The Galleria
We got there early on Saturday (post rock muffin consumption) to beat the holiday crowd, but surprisingly, it wasn't that packed! We didn't actually buy anything, but had fun walking around just the same, particularly at the beginning when we came upon THIS:

Genius move by the SPCA, if you ask me. They had these puppies (and more) stationed by one of the entrances. Those poor, unsuspecting parents that brought their kids to the Galleria for a picture with Santa had no idea what they were in for.

Oh, and also amusing: at one point while I was waiting for Brian to get off the phone, an elderly Asian woman approached me as if she needed assistance finding something. Apparently she didn't speak English, so she started a game of charades and kept pretending to sit down. I didn't understand what she was getting at, but pointed her to a nearby bench assuming she just needed somewhere to sit. She shook her head frustratedly, and then said, "poo poo, pee pee?" YOU try keeping a straight face next time that happens to you. I guess I'm at least glad she didn't clarify which of the two she was hoping to accomplish...

The Zoo
After a quick lunch in Rice Village, we finished up our adventure at the Houston Zoo! The weather was perfect- sunny and cool, which was apparently ideal for napping, as most of the animals were asleep. EXCEPT for these guys:

So that, my friends, was our celebration, and it was a great one! A big thanks again to Brian for such a thoughtful gift :)

Warning: boring explanation ahead

2011-12-18T13:02:00.001-06:00

As promised, I wanted to further clarify why Needle Lady thinks I most likely did not ovulate in this last cycle:

If any of you have ever taken progesterone, or even been on birth control, then you know that it is very possible to have a period without actually ovulating. The confusing thing about acupuncture is that, unlike with the fertility specialist, there are no ultrasounds or bloodwork to confirm the actual development and release of an egg (ovulation). So while there are certainly symptoms you can look out for (and even ovulation predictor kits you can use), you are largely just guessing if and when ovulation occurs.

To further clarify, some of the symptoms you experience after you ovulate (including an eventual period) are similar to some of the symptoms you experience as a result of simply a change in hormones (ie: an increase in progesterone or a decrease in estrogen). A lot of what acupuncture focuses on (especially with people with PCOS) is "correcting" the function of your hormones. So essentially, it is very possible (and even likely in the case of someone like myself with very stubborn ovaries) that the past 3 cycles I have had were most likely the result of a change in hormones rather than actual ovulation.

As you might recall, Needle Lady told me initially that it takes your body about 3 months (100 days) to "reset itself." In my situation, this basically meant that it would take about 3 months for my uterine lining to rebuild and for whatever had been put into my body in the previous 3 months to get out. So in my case, this meant that it would take about 3 months for my body to "flush out" all of the fertility medications it had been exposed to (and any other "toxins" for that matter, probably including the apparently evil Raisin Bran- ha!).

So this essentially means that for the past 3 months, her goal for each cycle was mainly to get me to have a period on my own (I know, who thought it would be so much work?!)- NOT necessarily for me to get pregnant. Now don't get me wrong, she was not working against a pregnancy by any means, and she even wanted me to go ahead and make some changes (dietary and otherwise) that would help a pregnancy, but she just wasn't necessarily aiming for it to happen before then.

With all this said, when I thought I might have ovulated in this last cycle, she had no reason to believe otherwise, because again, while her primary focus was not on getting me to ovulate yet, there was nothing necessarily stopping it from happening (besides my obviously rebellious reproductive system). So that's why she had me focus on doing things that would help a pregnancy if that were the case.

Nonetheless, after my disappointing news last week, she wasn't all that surprised, and was actually quite pleased that my cycle was shorter because it means I'm making progress. BUT, at my second weekly appointment last week, she said that now that it has been 3 cycles (and around 100 days), she is going to focus much more on getting me to ovulate... fingers crossed, because clearly that is no easy task! :)

She also mentioned that since we have passed that 100-day mark, I can start coming in once a week instead of twice a week. She seems confident that the herbs and other 800 supplements will do the rest. I am ok with this because (a) I trust her, (b) it will cost less money :), and (c) it confirms to me that she really is looking out for my best interest, because I don't think she would tell a paying customer to come less often if that wasn't the case!

So that's that. While the impatient overachiever in me was really hoping that I would beat the 3-month mark and get pregnant after a week or two of treatment (and without having to take any herbs at all), I do realize that all of this has been helping my body to be more prepared for a pregnancy WHEN one occurs. And that's really the most important thing.

All we do from here is continue to hope, pray, and take strange supplements! And of course, as always, I'll keep you posted along the way...

All's well that ends well

2011-12-16T05:30:00.006-06:00

For obvious reasons, I didn’t clarify that my acupuncturist’s recent instructions were all geared toward making my body “hospitable” for what we hoped were the early stages of a pregnancy. I gladly obliged her strange requests because I was so sure that this time was it… that FINALLY it was “our turn” (oh, and because being lazy and avoiding salad is surprisingly easy).

No matter how hard I tried to resist the temptation to let my mind wander about announcing the good news to our families and being able to bid goodbye to 2011 with one final bit of good news, I got my hopes up and ended up disappointed. When I realized bright and early on Monday morning that this cycle had not ended up how we had hoped, I quietly went on with my day. I didn’t cry, and I even managed to look on the bright side, because hey, I did say that I would consider this cycle a success if it was less than 40 days, and it was only 37!

But as the day dragged on and the reality began to sink in that we had “failed” yet again and would be wrapping up another full year with no baby, I literally began to feel like I couldn’t breathe. The weight of the bad news (that seems to have been piling up for quite some time) combined with the fact that I am pretty sure I didn’t even actually ovulate (will explain that in another post) was just more than I could handle.

So at the end of the day, I got in my car to drive home and willed myself not to cry. I made it to the mailbox by our house, where I stopped to get the mail. A neighbor, whose house is particularly festive for the holidays, happened to be outside, and I commented to him that every night when I drive by their house, their lights and decorations make me happy. I told him that the candy cane lights lining the yard were my favorite, and then asked why they weren’t on. He responded that he just hadn’t had the chance to turn them on yet. And it was at that point that I got in my car and started crying.

Rational? Not so much. I’m pretty sure that any recent references I have made to being emotionally stable have now lost their credibility :). Nonetheless, eventually I pulled it together and dragged myself into the house. I would like to say that a good cry was all it took to make me feel better, but I would be lying if I didn’t confess that there was fudge and Bluebell Christmas Cookie ice cream consumption involved.

Brian made it home eventually (by this point, well aware of my fragile emotional state, despite his efforts to cheer me up throughout the day by e-mailing me cute pictures of puppies), and said the 9 words that he was sure would make me feel better: “Would you like to open your Christmas present early?”

Hmm, let me think. Crappy day + feeling majorly sorry for myself = SURE. After a brief scavenger hunt around the house, I pulled a piece of paper out of my stocking with a picture of a city skyline on the front. Thinking it was a picture of Dallas’s skyline (I’m a genius), I gave him a confused look and proceeded to open the piece of paper.

Inside, there was an invitation to be his date at his company’s Christmas party on Friday night (which, hopefully, was a given), and a note that he had booked us a room to stay at the hotel where they were holding the party that night. Um, newsflash: it was a picture of the Houston skyline. You know, the place where we live? Oops.

While it was very thoughtful of him to book us the hotel room, it was even more special because tonight (December 16th) marks 8 years since our very first date, and he wanted to make sure the company Christmas party didn’t prevent us from celebrating. Oh, and to top it off, he booked the hotel’s “shopping package,” which includes free breakfast AND a $50 Visa gift card, which we fully intend to spend at the neighboring Galleria (don’t worry, we aren’t braving that holiday traffic—the hotel has a free shuttle)—I know, I know, he really is the best!

So while the week didn’t quite start off as I had hoped, at least it will end that way. And because I don’t believe in coincidences, I think it’s pretty cool that way back in 2003 when God was arranging our first date, He also knew that 8 years down the line, Brian’s thoughtfulness in commemorating the event would be perfectly aligned to redeem an otherwise crummy week.

So happy date-a-versary, Brian! Looking forward to many more memorable dates to come...

Celebrating our 2nd date-a-versary (before our wedding anniversary existed!) back in 2005

Two for one

2011-12-13T05:30:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's true, I can barely manage to update my own blog more than once a week, but Allison asked me to guest blog for her, so I reached deep down into my past ability to blog regularly and put something together.

I definitely think I deserve credit from my own readers, though, so why don't you just meander over to my guest post and pretend you read it here instead? Thanks.

For the birthday girl

2011-12-12T06:00:00.001-06:00

Happy birthday to one of my bestest friends, who lives hundreds of miles away, and whom I happen to have only actually met once :)

Erika, I thank God for you and our friendship today and always, and pray that your year as a 29-year-old (which is actually your 30th year of life!!) will be the most amazing one yet! :)

Lots of love,
Amanda

It's (continuing) to feel a lot like Christmas!

2011-12-11T13:24:00.004-06:00

Happy Monday, all! Just to update you, I have not been exercising (minus a brisk 11-minute walk yesterday) nor have I taken a single bite of salad. And in an effort to not eat cold food, I chose peppermint hot chocolate over gelatto on our Christmas date last night, so as usual, I am doing my best to be obedient. Oh, and I also wanted to share with you all that on Friday, I was given one additional guideline: eat a lot of dark chocolate. I know, I know, it's a lot to ask, but I have been doing my best to comply.

In between acupuncture appointments and working, I have been wrapping presents, trying to downplay my obsession with David Archuleta's Christmas album, and shopping for something to wear to Brian's company Christmas party next weekend. I have only been successful at one of these, and I'll just leave you guessing which one that is.

As mentioned above, Brian and I went out on a Christmas date last night. It was not quite as elaborate as our very first Christmas date back in 2003, but we still had a good time: dinner at Jus' Mac (yes, that's correct, a restaurant devoted entirely to the art of macaroni and cheese), "dessert" (in liquid form) at Starbucks (in holiday cups, of course!), and then back to our house to watch Love Actually, aka: the greatest (non-traditional) Christmas movie of all time.

We are hoping to cross off two additional items on our Christmas-time to do list this week: (1) walking through our neighborhood to see our neighbors' lights, and (2) driving through one of the nearby neighborhoods (as featured in this post last year) to see the slightly more elaborate lights. What other items still remain on that list, you ask? (3) Watch the original "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and (4) Get a peppermint milkshake somewhere. I realize these aren't the loftiest or most original seasonal goals, but we like to set realistic (and inexpensive) expectations.

Oh, and one more item that didn't make the list but TOTALLY should have: Elfing ourselves. So now, for your viewing pleasure:

Good thing I'm such a rule-follower

2011-12-08T17:05:00.005-06:00

So I’m pretty sure I had my favorite acupuncturist appointment ever this week. I know what you’re thinking, and no, she didn’t substitute Amy Grant’s “Home for Christmas” album as the background music for my session (although now that I think of it, that would be pretty amazing…). But rather, it was the conversation we had before needle time that really made my day.

First of all, when she was talking to me about how acupuncture helps out with PCOS, she compared my ovaries to a roller coaster ride at Disney World. No lie. She basically said that my ovaries are like a ride that keeps filling up with people—rather than one group getting off and a new group of riders getting on, people just keep getting on the ride until it’s so packed that it can’t function properly and stalls out. And even if someone wanted to get off, they’re too smushed by all of the other people, so they can’t. And if and when they finally do, they’re not in great shape anymore because they have been smashed up against all of the nasty sweaty people on the ride.

Not sure if you followed that or not, but what’s important is that (a) I understood exactly what she meant, (b) it was much more helpful than when my fertility specialist would pull out his pen and a piece of scratch paper and try to freehand a drawing of the female reproductive system, and (c) it made me laugh.

After that, she gave me instructions for the remainder of my cycle that are undoubtedly my favorite to date :
1. No cold food or drinks
2. Specifically, no salad
3. No exercise
4. Specifically, no ab exercises

Um, I think I can handle that. I did panic a little at the “no exercise” command because I feel a lot better when I can get in at least some type of exercise (especially when I have been consuming my weight in Christmas cookies), but she said that walking was fine. So tell me- how many times in your life has your healthcare provider told you to avoid eating salad and limit your exercise?

Don’t worry—this is only for the duration of this cycle, so I’m not going to adapt these as my new life rules or anything. I will say, however, that I highly prefer these guidelines to the elimination of my beloved Raisin Bran from my diet. Have I mentioned that Brian has chosen Raisin Bran as his cereal choice for the past couple of weeks? This means that every morning when I pull out the box of Total, I have to reach right past the neighboring box of Raisin Bran to do so. Life can be so cruel sometimes…

Down, but not out

2011-12-02T16:17:00.009-06:00

Um, so, yeah, Thanksgiving came and went! Gobble gobble and happy belated turkey day to you all!

We ~~stuffed our faces~~ celebrated the big day in the thriving city of La Grange, Texas, at Brian's grandparents' ranch. Football was watched (I don't want to talk about it), food was consumed (with Brian being the champion in this category), and games were played (with yours truly being the champion in Apples to Apples, thankyouverymuch).

Oh, and in the dogs' case, a rabbit was chased onto someone else's property and consequently their parents and Aunt Shannon spent approximately 5 minutes (which felt like 5 years) panicking that we would never see Noah and Buster (or the rabbit again). Fortunately, they didn't end up

lost in the wilderness, but it's safe to say that a certain white dog will not be allowed off of his leash at the ranch ever again.

We made it back home on Saturday afternoon with plenty of time to decorate the house for Christmas, aka: my favorite activity of the year! I have said this before, and I'll say it again: Christmas lights and Christmas music can make ANY activity (working out with Jillian Michaels, eating a depressing bowl of Total cereal, commuting to and from work, you name it) more enjoyable.

Minus a small (but unfortunately semi-public, at least to our neighborhood) marital dispute that erupted over the Christmas lights on Sunday, the holiday weekend was perfect! And then Monday morning came. And along with Monday morning came a commute to work in Brian's truck that regrettably does not possess seat heaters OR my collection of Christmas CD's. Strike 1 and 2. And then there was the whole going back to work thing. Strike 3.

Don't get me wrong- I really do like my job, and coincidentally, I actually got a promotion this past week! But unfortunately coming back from a holiday in this case meant an overwhelming amount of catching up to do. As a result, I started off the week in a bit of a funk.

By Wednesday, I had progressed from being in "a bit of a funk" to full-blown wallowing in self-pity. As many of you witnessed via my Facebook status updates, I found myself overwhelmed by such newsworthy events as the 4th wife from "Sister Wives" having her baby, along with that stupid vampire on the latest "Twilight" movie. And I even went so far as to get angry at the radio station for playing songs about Christmas that involved babies. Nevermind the fact that they were about the birth of our Savior. That is irrelevant when you have convinced yourself that the whole world is out to rub your barrenness in your face.

As usual, my acupuncturist got an ear full (in a whiney way, not an angry way). She did her best to reassure me and just reminded me to be patient. She said once again that it takes at least 3 months for your body to "reset" itself, and for some PCOS patients, it can take up to a year. My response? "A year?! I will throw myself off of the roof of this building before then." Nothing like having a patient fall off the deep end while under your care and supervision, I'm sure.

The funny thing is that I really have been feeling much better in recent months. I mentioned recently that acupuncture has helped me to be more emotionally stable, and I still believe that to be true. Since starting acupuncture, I think I have cried maybe twice. Whereas before, I cried that often in a week. And that was in a GOOD week.

That does not mean, however, that I am ignorant of our current reality... of the reality that we really and truly thought we were going to be able to announce a pregnancy to our family at Christmas 2009... of the reality that we have spent far more money than I care to count and with (other than the relaxation that acupuncture has provided) basically no results... of the reality that of the 5 couples (including us) that rang in 2011 together on New Year's Eve last year, 3 had babies this year and 1 is expecting a baby early in 2012... which just leaves us. And sometimes that reality just seems, I don't know, heavier than normal.

Regardless, I am feeling much better now. Apparently unloading on my acupuncturist (whom I obviously forget is not my therapist), venting to my sissy, and allowing my husband to convince me to have a chocolate milkshake from Sonic did the trick. It's funny, because every time I hit a low point, I am certain that I will never be able to get over it, but time and time again, God reaches down into the depths of the pit of despair I've stumbled into and pulls me out again. And for that, I am thankful.

Oh, and because I realize I never really cued everyone in on the latest, I am now about 4 weeks into my latest cycle. I am defining "success" this cycle as (a) getting a period on my own, and (b) having a cycle shorter than 50 days. Oh, and bonus points if I get pregnant instead. So we'll see.

That's all for now. Actually, wait, no it's not- I've been so kind as to share two pics from our turkey day at the ranch with you. Enjoy!

Who knew Christmas shopping could be so discriminatory?

2011-11-22T12:48:00.009-06:00

This past weekend, I made the trek to Austin for A Christmas Affair. For those of you that are unfamiliar with Christmas Affair, it is basically a Christmas market where vendors come in from all over and sell their stuff. You’re welcome for that high-level description- hope you were able to keep up.

My sisters, mom, and I go every year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving (although sadly, my big sis was unable to join us this year!), and even though I rarely purchase anything there, I always look forward to going. This is in large part because of the fact that it gives me an excuse to obsess about all things Christmas prior to Thanksgiving... oh, and the free food samples.

However, while I do love Christmas Affair dearly, I should also point out that it is somewhat of a nightmare for those of us that are fertility-challenged. It is guaranteed that you won’t walk more than 5 feet without seeing (a) a pregnant person, (b) painfully adorable children decked out in Christmas attire, or worse, Christmas pajamas, or (c) a booth selling cute owl accessories for the daughter that you fear you’ll never have (not that I’m talking about myself, or anything). And in fact, that’s exactly why I felt no remorse when I went back for the third sample of toffee or caramel corn. At least if my uterus can’t be full, my stomach can be, right?

I really did have a good time, though, and unlike last year, I did not end the day of shopping (which continued at the mall) by racing out of Macy’s to cry in the parking lot because I felt just so desperately sorry for myself*. Victory!

On another note, while we were at Christmas Affair, we stopped in one of the booths that was selling ornaments, dishes, etc., most of which were college-themed. Not surprisingly, there was an abundance of UT-themed items for sale. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see an equal amount of A&M items on display as well. So pleasantly surprised, in fact, that I said something to the women running the booth about how happy it made me to see A&M fairly represented.

Now if you ask me, the proper response would have been something to the effect of, “Oh I’m so glad you noticed! And wouldn’t that A&M ornament make the perfect Christmas gift for your recently graduated sister-in-law?” The ACTUAL response I received was, “That’s just because no one has bought any of the A&M stuff so there’s a lot more of it left.” Um? Great sales pitch, lady.

I responded loudly with, “Well that was rude…” and we then made our way out of the booth while her co-worker, obviously embarrassed, hopefully enrolled her in How Not to Be a Total Jerk to Potential Customers 101. So ridiculous.

That’s all for now... happy Thanksgiving week to you all!

*Stay tuned for a post in the near future about how I think acupuncture has miraculously made me more emotionally stable!

Houston, we have a winner!

2011-11-20T18:41:00.005-06:00

As promised, it is now time for me to publicly announce the results of my recent giveaway!

Thanks to all who entered- there were 56 entries total (including duplicate entries), and my number of followers increased by two whole people! Now if that's not a success, then I don't know what is.

So I tracked everyone's entries on a spreadsheet and used the Random Number Generator this morning to identify the winner. I didn't bother taking a picture of the results, so you are just going to have to trust that I'm telling the truth... which actually might be sort of hard for you to do when I tell you that the first number it generated was #1, which belonged to the one and only Allison from the blogivers!

No, I'm not making this up. But because I make her mix cd's on a regular basis AND because I don't want to be accused of nepotism, I generated another number to identify the actual winner. Don't feel too sorry for Allison, however, because I will likely still give her a prize out of pity.

Anyway, without further delay, please put your hands together and give a big round of applause to my first ever giveaway winner:

Chrissy from The Year of the Nest!!

Congrats, Chrissy! Your prize was dropped off at the post office today and being that you live just across town, it should be arriving at your door step pre-Thanksgiving. Consider it an early birthday present for Owen, perhaps? :)

And because I don't want to deny the ~~losers~~ rest of you of my awesome taste in Christmas music, I have included the playlist for you below so that you can go check these jams out for yourself. Enjoy!

1. O Holy Night* - Shane Barnard & Shane Everett

2. Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song) - Amy Grant

3. Baby, It's Cold Outside - Lady Antebellum

4. The First Noel - David Archuleta

5. All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey

6. Born to Die - Shane Barnard & Shane Everett

7. Joy to the World - Casting Crowns

8. The Night Before Christmas - Brandon Heath

9. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays - N'Sync

10. Family Tree - Dave Barnes

11. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Rascal Flatts

12. Do You Hear What I Hear? - Third Day

13. The Christmas Song - Dave Barnes

14. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear - MercyMe

15. O Holy Night* - Mark Harris

*I included "O Holy Night" on there twice because Chrissy listed it as her favorite Christmas song!

A giveaway motivated almost entirely by guilt

2011-11-16T06:00:00.004-06:00

Yes, that's right, friends! It is time for the first ever Meet the Joiners Giveaway! This may not happen again ~~ever~~ for a very long time, so I assure you that you will want to take advantage while you have the opportunity.

Why am I doing this giveaway, you ask? Well the answer is simple. Long, long ago, before my every waking thought was devoted to procreating, I blogged on a semi-regular basis. In fact, I usually blogged multiple times per week.

Now I'm not crazy enough to think that you all actually depended on me for entertainment or anything, but all I know is that those of you who are still reading have been loyal enough to stick with this crazy blog through all its ups and (for the last 2 years) downs. And for that, I am grateful.

And so, I have decided to thank you by GIVING AWAY a Christmas mix CD, made by yours truly. And in fact, if I'm feeling extra generous, I may even throw in a bonus mix CD that is not holiday-themed. I know, pretty ambitious of me, right?

Here's how you can enter, and unlike all of the other bossy-pants blogs, I don't care if you leave all of this information in one comment rather than multiple comments:

1. FIRST ENTRY: Leave a comment telling me your favorite Christmas song. Don't get picky about the version, because there's a good chance I will ignore you and pick the artist of my choosing if I decide to put it on your CD.

2. SECOND ENTRY: Become a follower of Meet the Joiners (or let me know that you're already a follower).

3. THIRD ENTRY: Mention this giveaway and include a link to it on your blog.

4. **FOR 2 BONUS ENTRIES**: In the above-mentioned blog post, include a link to Living Stones Church (and mention how hot my husband, Brian, the Associate Pastor, is).

So there you have it! Entries will be accepted up until 11:59 pm (CST) on Saturday, November 19th, and the winner will be announced on Sunday, November 20th.

PS- Make sure you leave a way for me to contact you and let you know that you're the winner if your blog isn't set up for e-mail responses!

If I were a Christmas stocking...

2011-11-14T06:00:00.006-06:00

... these are things I would want to be stuffed with:

1. Any of these from Philosophy - Holiday Bath & Body

2. Or any of these from OPI - The Muppets Collection

"Gettin' Miss Piggy with it!"

"Fresh Frog of Bel Air"

"Warm and Fozzie"

3. Not surprisingly, a pair of Hanky Pankies- I realize I reference these far too often, but when you find underwear that changes your life, you just can't keep from talking about it!

And PS- how cute is this?

And because I'm nothing if not practical...

4. A tube (or 10) of Vanilla Mint Chapstick (because I'm not really sophisticated enough to wear actual lipstick)

5. And while I'm at it, maybe a tube (or 10) of Burt's Bees - I use the Vanilla Mint Chapstick during the day but Burt's Bees before bed... it's normal to have different chapsticks for day and night, right?
(although Santa brought me 5 of these last year that I have yet to finish using...)

5. Several packs of Orbit Wintermint gum ... it may have "winter" in the name, but that doesn't stop me from chewing multiple packs a week on a year-round basis.
6. And last, but not least, one of these:

Oh, except our own this time instead of just someone else's. Although if that's not possible, I suppose Davis will do.

And I'll leave it at that for now... part 2 may be published at a later date. But before I go, I thought you all might be amused to find out that I legitimately called ~~my mom~~ Santa the other day to ask her if she could include the following in my stocking this year:

Don't judge me... the 100+ yard tubes are hard to find!

Home again

2011-11-11T17:09:00.011-06:00

A big thank you to my wonderful twin sis for blog-sitting for me while I was gone, although let's be honest- I only post once or twice a week nowadays, so I wouldn't call it the world's most challenging task. Regardless, she did a great job and as always, I am appreciative of her!

Now, allow me to update you on the life and times of Amanda Joiner:

Santa Fe:

Yes, the rumors are true. My mom whisked me (and only me!) away for a weekend in Santa Fe. Her purpose here was twofold: 1. She feels sorry for me, and 2. She loves Santa Fe and is always looking for an excuse to go. I just so happen to feel sorry for myself AND love Santa Fe as well, so I'd say it worked out well for both of us.

It was definitely chilly there, as evidenced by the following video:

Yes, that's right. It snowed, and although you can't really tell from the video, the wind was blowing rather violently. As a result, the power was out in our hotel (oh, and the entire city) for about 3 hours. Our hotel very thoughtfully brought us our own flashlight, which my mom promptly used to light up the bathroom in order for her to take a shower. Approximately 5 minutes after she finished her dimly lit shower, the power came back on. Go figure!

Other than that, we did our fair share of walking, shopping, and eating. I always eat big breakfasts when I'm on vacation with my mom, so you can imagine how quickly I spiraled into a depression the morning after I got home upon realizing that all that was awaiting me was a bowl of Total. And then again at dinner when no one brought an order of chips and guacamole to my table. Such is life post-vacation, I suppose.

It is also worth mentioning that we slept A LOT. As in, 19 hours in 2 nights, one of which was the night that Daylight Savings went into effect. And thus, I have discovered one of the (very few, in my opinion) benefits of not having children yet!

Anyway, I was very grateful for the escape from reality and am hopeful that my reproductive system felt the same way. Some people go on vacation to "recharge their batteries." Me? I go on vacation to recharge my ovaries. Which leads me to my next topic...

Fertility:

In addition to take a break from life in general, I also coincidentally got to take a week-long vacation from my herbs. I was ready for a refill last week, but there was some extra ingredient that my acupuncturist wanted to include that hadn't come in yet. I have no idea what it was, but I am sort of in the "don't ask, don't tell" mindset as far as the herbs go, so I am ok with that.

Apparently the magic formula was complete today, however, because she gave me my next "prescription," which I'll start taking tomorrow. I have also started taking a daily capsule of royal jelly, which, in case you're too lazy to click on the link, is basically what the queen bees (as in bumble bees) eat. It is supposed to help boost your fertility (among other things), but so far it just seems to make me sweat a lot. So that's special.

So if you're keeping track, that now means I am taking 14 pills/supplements per day. Future baby Joiner, you owe me. Big time.

Oh, and I also thought you all might appreciate that I was very publicly reading a book on my flight to New Mexico called Empty Womb, Aching Heart (thanks, Jill B!). I couldn't decide if I should be more embarrassed about that, or the fact that the playlist I was listening to on my iPod while reading the book was entitled "Erika's Infertility Jams" (which I made for my pal, Erika (obviously), a while back). Then again, some might argue that my other musical selection - NKOTBSB - was equally embarrassing. Fortunately, (a) I will probably never see the woman that sat next to me ever again, and (b) I don't get embarrassed easily, as evidenced by the things I admit to on this blog.

So there you have it. I wish I had more to say being that I haven't actually blogged in almost 2 weeks, but other than the fact that I purchased the new Christmas Cookies Bluebell ice cream at the store today, I really don't have anything exciting to report. Until next time!

Guest post!

2011-11-07T05:01:00.001-06:00

Greetings, friends! Amanda and my mom are kickin' it in Santa Fe, New Mexico today while I am at home in Austin recovering from a cold and cursing the inventor of Daylight Savings (Dear Davis, please get back on schedule A.S.A.P.), so I am guest posting for Amanda today! Pretty sure I am getting the short end of the stick here, but that's ok - if anyone deserves a break from reality these days, it's my sis.

(For the 1 or 2 of you that don't know me, my name's Allison, and I am Amanda's identical twin sister. Instead of providing you with a picture of myself, I will just direct you to the pictures in Amanda's blog header... see the female in those pictures? I look pretty much just like her. So there you go.)

When Amanda and I were growing up, we were fortunate enough to have parents who regularly took us on vacation to cool places. Granted, we may not have always appreciated the coolness of those destinations at the time, but now we can look back on those trips with fond memories, and that's what matters, right? Today I am going to share with you a few of my favorite memories shared with Amanda on some of those trips.

1. Disney Land - 1988. My parents decided to take to us to Disney Land when we were 5 because they assumed we would be old enough to remember the vacation... they were wrong. Well, not entirely wrong - the only part we remembered from the entire trip was sitting outside at a restaurant where the sun was in everyone's eyes, and in an effort to block some of the sun, a woman put her napkin on her head and kept it there while she ate her lunch. To a couple of 5 year olds, it was obviously one of the funniest things ever. (Sorry, don't have any pictures to share with you for this one... for some reason I didn't own a camera at the time.)

2. Backpacking in New Mexico - 1997. Knowing myself as well as I do now, I have no idea why I ever agreed to go on a backpacking trip. I enjoy hiking and being outdoors, but more than that, I enjoy sleeping in a bed and eating real food. Nevertheless, when we were 14, my sister and I found ourselves backpacking through the woods with our dad and a random older couple (not random to my dad, but random to us). Neither of us really enjoyed ourselves, but I'll go ahead and say Amanda had less fun than I did (and I won't talk about how she cried because she was so miserable at one point). Really the only pleasant memory I have of the trip (aside from when it was over) was when we were killing time while hiking by changing the words to "Barely Breathing" by Duncan Sheik to make them about eating burritos from Taco Bell. Seemed funny at the time...

We're smiling here because the trip hadn't started yet and the packs weren't on our backs.

3. Quito, Ecuador - 1998. We went there for my mom's hairdresser's daughter's wedding (did you follow that?), and we stayed at a few different places while we were there. And because we were mature and not at all resistant to a new culture, we determined that every single place we stayed had some kind of cooties. Obviously we were scared of catching the cooties, so we refused to sleep in a bed alone. Yes, we opted to share a twin size bed everywhere we went because we were worried about... well, I don't even know precisely what we were worried about, but obviously sleeping uncomfortably in one small bed was going to prevent anything from happening.

"Uh, this bed totally sucks."

4. Maui, Hawaii - 1999. This trip was fun because, well, we were in Hawaii. But one of my favorite parts was when we went parasailing. Instead of admiring the scenery, we spent most of our time up in the air singing Britney Spears songs and doing other immature things which I will not reveal on this blog. I just appreciate then when I am sharing a cool moment like that with my sister, I can count on her to ruin the moment with me by making inappropriate comments.

"OOPS I did it again!"

5. Santa Fe, New Mexico - 2006. We have been to Santa Fe countless times, starting with our first visit when we were 7 weeks old, but the trip in 2006 was especially memorable because we were there for my wedding. Some of my favorite moments were those shared with my original other half... like when I forced her to help me apply my bronzing lotion and left her with orange hands, or when she tried to assure me that "it wasn't too late to call off the wedding" (she was joking... I think), or when my hair stylist canceled on me just 2 days before the wedding and I freaked the freak out and she had to do damage control, or when the photographer was taking too long getting pictures of Wade and me after the ceremony and Amanda was giving me death threats for making her so late to the reception, or when she started sobbing uncontrollably when it was time for us to leave the reception (which in turn made me cry... all the way to our hotel an hour away).

"This reception is fun! Because we haven't been separated yet and we aren't sobbing uncontrollably!"

Now that we are all grown up, we have already taken a few vacations together with our husbands, but I know there will be many more to come. Here's to all the memories that they will bring!

Consider this post to be today's "treat"

2011-10-31T06:00:00.000-05:00

I’d like to start by making a correction to my last post: I am now taking THIRTEEN pills/supplements every day. I forgot to include my thyroid medicine when I originally counted. I take 7 of the 13 pills (along with the 4 ounce shot of green goo) all before 6:30 am, and if you didn’t think that was punishment enough for my body, then you should know that Total (my newly mandated breakfast) tastes like cardboard.

As you can imagine, my mornings just got much less enjoyable. Which is why I couldn't help but laugh when, immediately after braving my bowl of Total and finishing my round of pill-popping the other morning, I opened up my e-mail and found one of those daily coupons offering me discounted admission to a "Mom Expo" in town. Oh, and we got the latest issue of Pottery Barn Kids in the mail that same day, which we definitely did not sign up to receive. Conspiracy? I think so.

And now onto relevant news: Halloween!

Sadly, I will not be dressing up this year because (a) being an adult is lame, and (b) I interview people for a living, so even if my company did allow costumes, I'm not sure walking into the interview room dressed as a cow or chocolate chip cookie would really get the message across that we are a professional company and should be taken seriously. Although if any candidates were to stumble upon my blog (which I'm sure they have done before), then any hopes of being taken seriously would already be gone, but that's beside the point.

I did, however, get to (sort of) dress up yesterday. In case I haven't mentioned it, my new Junior League placement (the one that I was assigned to after I failed my TB test and was banned from volunteering in medical facilities) is the Houston Museum of Natural Science in Sugar Land. It really worked out perfectly because it is much closer to my house, AND there are dinosaurs there, which, as you can imagine, is a big hit with our own Baby Dinosaur (PS- please don't tell him the ones I volunteer with are dead).

Anyway, the museum's Halloween "Spooktacular" was yesterday and I volunteered to help with the kids' activities. We were supposed to wear scary/creepy costumes, but I don't have anything scary on hand (I suppose I could have dressed up as an angry woman dealing with infertility... that's fairly terrifying:), so I went with a classic:

Get it? DQ + the tiara? Yep, that's right, I dressed up as Dairy Queen. And in case you are counting, yes, I do own 2 Dairy Queen t-shirts. I'm guessing you're not surprised.

I happened to have this gem of a costume on hand because back in college, Brian and I went to my sorority's Halloween date party ("Owloween"- hootie hoo!) dressed as Dairy Queen and Burger King. Here's proof:

(This is also proof that Brian once weighed about 10 pounds less than he does now and I weighed about 10 pounds more. Oh, and for the record, we swapped crowns on purpose for this pic.)

Anyway, when I first arrived at the museum and asked where I could be of help, the director asked me how I am with cockroaches. Um. Is this a joke? Did she read this post or maybe this one and decide to play a trick on me? Unfortunately, she was not kidding. Fortunately, I had the option of saying no, and although I hate to be that annoying girl who is too much of a pansy to touch bugs, I had to decline her offer to be the one in charge of cockroach racing. Yep, for real:

Instead, I got to spend the next 3 hours in the room where kids stuck their hands in boxes to try to guess what (fake) organs they were. We had a liver (wet sponge), eye balls (some type of jelly water balls), intestines (water balloons), brain (no clue), and a heart that actually pumped (which meant I spent 3 hours manually pumping a fake heart). It was actually pretty entertaining, and fun to see all of the kids in their costumes.

For the record, it was not as fun as seeing this kid in his costume:

I know, I know- don't you want to eat him for dinner?

So that about wraps up my Halloween excitement. I did make chocolate chip pumpkin muffins (easiest recipe ever) for my office's annual Halloween potluck breakfast, so that's also worth mentioning. And I also want you to see some of my favorite Halloween decorations from our house before I go, since they will be getting the boot from our house shortly. Enjoy!

Fact: Chi Omegas love Halloween.
Also a fact: I love candy corn (thanks, sis!). And fall-smelling candles.

Some pumpkies in our dining room

Happy Halloween!
(PS- I spy two cute puppies in this one.)

I am from Austin, after all

2011-10-22T13:45:00.003-05:00

This week was annoying. I was in a slump and couldn't seem to climb my way out of it until yesterday. Thankfully, I did not blog during that time so you didn't have to experience my misery with me. However, that does not mean this post will be devoid of mopey thoughts from your favorite sub-fertile blogger, so don't breathe that sigh of relief just yet.

In examining my charts on fertilityfriend.com recently, I realized that I have only ovulated twice (possibly three times, but I'm pretty sure only two) this year. TWO TIMES IN TEN MONTHS. Do you know how aggravating that is for someone that is trying to get pregnant?

The good news is that one of those two times, we actually ended up with a fertilized egg! The bad news is that it ended up being a chemical pregnancy, so I'm not really sure we can count that one as a victory. But still, so far we have a 50% success rate for fertilization in 2011, which is pretty impressive.

I think my body's absurd infrequency of ovulation really is my biggest source of frustration... while it would be discouraging to have repeated failed cycles every month, it would be nice to (a) have an opportunity to conceive more than twice a year, and (b) know that, even when one cycle didn't work out, I wouldn't have to wait 50+ days for the next one to begin.

I expressed my frustrations to my acupuncturist at my first appointment this week. And by "expressed my frustrations," I mean that I basically dumped on her for the first 15 minutes of my session. Fortunately, I was in a much better place when I went back for my second appointment yesterday.

She had apparently sensed my desperation and had a plan of attack ready for me when I showed up for round 2. Not only did she put together my own specially-blended bottle of herbs for me to start taking, but she also had some more nutritional guidelines for me. She gave me a list of what's included in the herbs (and no, Erika, it's not weed), but because I've never heard of of any of the items on that list (ligusticum root?), I am going to assume you haven't either and will refrain from sharing it with you.

You will, however, have to hear about my new nutritional suggestions:

1. Raisin Bran is getting the boot. Remember back when I made a resolution to find a new breakfast cereal? Well that didn't so much happen. I did briefly substitute Multi-grain Cheerio's, but after a month or so, Raisin Bran was back on the shelf. What can I say? Old habits die hard.

But apparently I'm going to have to power through it because I have now been instructed to eat Total. Just plain and simple Total... no raisins (in fact, she said to avoid dried fruits), no happy sunshine man on the box- nothing. In fact, on the instructions she gave me, she wrote, "cut out breakfast cereal - eat protein instead," but I think she opted for a less harmful cereal option instead in order to avoid me going into a sudden state of shock.

2. Avoid milk and yogurt. Avoid bread at night. This won't be too hard because the only time I ever have milk is with my cereal. And the only time I have yogurt is... never. So I just have to make sure to avoid bread at night, which I think I can handle. Good think she didn't mention anything about tortilla chips! :)

3. Eat lean, organic, hormone-free meat. I told her that my biggest battle with changing my food habits (other than my gag reflex) will be my frugality, and this is especially true for this guideline. Meat is expensive as it is, and even more so if you get the "fancy" kind. Yep, that's right, I just used the term "fancy" to refer to "healthy" food.

My biggest concern was about my turkey sandwiches, because I didn't want to have to give an arm and a leg for deli meat. However, according to Brian (google), it is actually illegal to treat poultry with growth hormones in the USofA (and has been since the 1950s), so apparently the Boar's Head turkey I have been eating is already hormone-free. Hooray!

So we'll see how this goes. She assured me that my herbs will help me to feel better and should help to speed up the whole process of getting my system in working order, so even though I am resistant to taking NINE pills a day (in addition to my prenatal vitamin, calcium, and fish oil supplement... so make that 12 pills a day... plus 4 ounces of green goo), I'm going to give it a shot.

Oh, and to answer the question on everyone's minds, no, I am not turning into a hippie. Although for the record, if that will help us get pregnant, then pardon me while I go hug some trees.

My hope is in You

2011-10-16T07:00:00.003-05:00

Continuing with the (unintentional) Christian music theme this week, I want you to go watch/listen to this music video. The song is called "My Hope is in You," and it's by Aaron Shust. Don't worry, it is nothing like the "Good Morning" song in case you were not a fan. (Also, my friend, Alexis, found this magical zumba video featuring that very song, so you definitely need to check it out as well.)

Ok back to the Aaron Shust song/video. In case you were too lazy to click on the link and watch it yourself, (spoiler alert) the music video is about an older couple whose daughter was apparently in some kind of accident. In between the artsy (and irrelevant) scenes of Aaron Shust's piano solos, the video follows along as they rush to the hospital, pray in a chapel, and sit in the waiting room waiting for news on their daughter's condition.

Admittedly, I got sucked into the story line very quickly, much in the same way that I do with Sarah McLachlan's SPCA commercials. But I thought SURELY the girl wasn't going to die (just like I think SURELY that one-eyed puppy was adopted by some loving family). No way would someone make a music video that depressing, and besides, the couple was so faithful and full of hope, so OBVIOUSLY they would be rewarded by finding out that she was OK.

And then the doctor came in to the waiting room. And he did not have a happy look on his face. I started to panic. He shook his head to confirm that the girl did not, in fact, make it, and just as the mom collapsed in tears, my heart sank just as if I was a close, personal friend of this fictional family.

The video went on to show the couple at the cemetery after burying their daughter, and I just shook my head in disbelief that the director of the music video would allow that girl to die! After that sweet old couple had PRAYED for her and waited patiently for God to save her! THE NERVE!!!

It was not until the video was finished and the words of the song were playing over again in my head that I suddenly figured out why it made sense for them to end the story that way. Because just like the story in the video didn't end up how I wanted or expected it to, real life doesn't always end up how we want or expect it to. And yet still, we are called to hope in the Lord.

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

Just like God didn't "reward" the couple for their faithfulness by saving their daughter, God doesn't always "reward" us for our faithfulness by doing whatever we want or ask. Case in point: 25 months and countless prayers later, we are still not pregnant.

Ultimately, God is not always going to do what we think He should, or when we think He should, because He knows better. He is always going to do what is best for us whether we understand it (or agree with it) or not.

And so the challenge is for us to place our hope in Him anyway. And just as the couple in the music video did not lose hope when their prayer wasn't answered in they way they expected, we, too, should continue placing our hope in the Lord when our prayers aren't answered the way we expect them to be.

I realize this is a pretty elementary truth, but it has been on my mind and on my heart lately, and the music video obviously hit it home for me, so I felt compelled to share. For Brian and me, no matter how many failed cycles or unsuccessful fertility treatments we endure, we continue to hope in the Lord, and we will not allow our ability (or inability, as the case may be) to have children to define our hope, our joy, our identity, our worth, or our God. For you, whatever drought or storm you might be experiencing right now, I pray that you, too, will not give up putting your hope in the One who is able to do immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1

True story

2011-10-11T18:00:00.003-05:00

Have any of you heard the “Good Morning” song by Mandisa? They play it on KSBJ (the local Christian radio station) on a fairly regular basis (read: every single morning during my commute), so I have become quite familiar with it. I admittedly hated it at first—as is the case with a lot of songs on KSBJ, it was a little too cheesy for my liking and it was a little hard for me to tolerate at 7 am. (If you don’t understand why, then just go listen to it and I think you’ll see what I mean.)

However, the more I heard it, the more I started to warm up to it and the less it made me want to throw myself out of a moving vehicle. In fact, I have warmed up to it so much that I now call Brian every morning when I hear it, half so that he has to listen to me sing along to it (because who else will?), and half because I think Baby Dinosaur really likes it.

As you can imagine, this song ends up stuck in my head most mornings and because I don’t want to be humming (or loudly singing) along to it on my own, I have been trying to get one of my co-workers to listen to/become unintentionally addicted to it as well. We don’t have access to music/video websites at work, though, so she hasn’t been able to listen to the song in all its glory yet. So this morning when I heard it come on the radio, I decided to text her to tell her to turn to KSBJ. My text simply read: “89.3”

A minute later, I received a response from her that said, “Does that mean the puke drink works??? :)”

Um. What? I knew what the puke drink was because I just told her about it yesterday, but I had no idea how that was related to the “Good Morning” song on KSBJ. And then—just as she sent me a text saying, “Nevermind. I just got that”—it suddenly dawned on me: she thought I was texting her to tell her my basal body temperature from earlier this morning.

And that, my friends, is when you know without a shadow of a doubt that you probably need to spend a little less time talking about your fertility issues. At work.

We had a good laugh about it once we both got to work, and I was especially amused at the fact that she thought 89.3 sounded like a GOOD temperature (since it’s about 8-9 degrees below normal), but she did clarify that she got 89.3 confused with 98.3, which makes much more sense. And also in her defense, she is NORMAL and doesn’t have to wait for her thermometer to finish beeping before she can get out of bed every morning, so I wouldn’t expect her to know what’s ideal and what isn’t.

Anyway, I hope you appreciated that small glimpse into the life of a crazy person… as if my blog exists for any other purpose anyway :)

On a more serious note

2011-10-10T06:00:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure how I failed to mention this before now, but I thought you might all be interested to learn that my aunt is now the part-time receptionist at my acupuncturist's office. Yep, that's right, my world just got a little smaller.

I recently saw on my acupuncturist's facebook page that she was looking for part-time help, and so I re-posted it on my own facebook page in case anyone I knew in the area was interested. My aunt responded that she was actually thinking about picking up a part-time job, so she got the contact information from me and applied. A few days later, she had an interview and was hired!

When I went in for my next appointment after that, my acupuncturist assured me that she would still maintain patient confidentiality in case I was worried about my aunt suddenly knowing all of my "business." Clearly she is not aware that I broadcast my "business" on the internet for all the world to read, so this was of little concern to me!

When she made me try the nasty-looking green stuff on Friday, she and my aunt both actually took a drink of it with me. And it was in that moment- where I found myself taking non-alcoholic shots of pureed broccoli/spinach/garlic/blue green algae/etc. with my acupuncturist and aunt on a Friday afternoon- that I thought to myself (for the millionth time since beginning our battle with infertility), "Is this really my life?" Yes, yes it is.

And for those of you that are counting, that battle has now lasted for 2+ years (25 months, to be exact). We went off of birth control in September 2009. Do you know how much has happened since then?

In some ways, it feels like we are light years beyond where we were at that time... we live in a different house, one of us has a different job (2, actually), we have a new niece and a new nephew, we have been on 5 different vacations (none of which resulted in us getting pregnant, for the record), one of our sets of parents has moved to a different city, we're part of a new church, and yet for all intents and purposes, we are no closer to where we wanted to be than when we first began.

As you might have noticed, I have had a much more positive attitude about this whole situation since beginning acupuncture. With a new form of treatment has come a renewed sense of hope. But despite that, every day that goes by that we are not pregnant is still HARD.

As I know I have mentioned before, one of the hardest parts about infertility is that everyone else's news that is cause for celebration seems to be cause for sadness for us. It seems that every small victory or step in the right direction we take is answered by someone else's pregnancy announcement. While I'm bragging about getting my period without the help of medication, I get on facebook only to find that yet another couple is "lapping" us (as in, they have already had one baby since we started trying and are already pregnant with a second). And suddenly our good news doesn't seem so good and their good news seems like the worst thing in the world.

Anyway, as I said, I know I have already rambled on about the overwhelming feelings of jealousy and self-pity that come along with infertility. Really, the point I wanted to make (for the sake of those of you that are still in our same boat) is that this is still a struggle for us. Even though I laugh and make jokes about the strange foods I'm supposed to eat and the other seemingly ridiculous lengths we are going to in order to get pregnant, most days, I'm still sad. And even though they seem to occur less often, there are still days when you'll find me crying in the corner, wondering when, if ever, it's going to be our turn.

And on that incredibly upbeat note, I'm going to go enjoy the rare sound of rain falling on my roof and the not-so-rare sound of my husband yelling at the football game on TV. Thanks for listening/reading!

Dear Brian, thank you for not dying.

2011-10-07T11:26:00.006-05:00

Well hey there, friends! I know it has been over a week since I last posted, and I figured what better excuse to update my blog than a last minute trip to the ER with my barfing husband, so now you're in for a treat!

Brian's boss asked him to stay late every day this week, so imagine my surprise yesterday afternoon when he called me around 5:15 to say he was on his way home. At first I thought maybe they had gotten their work done and were being rewarded by getting to go home early. And if you consider "getting his work done" to be throwing up his lunch, and the "reward" to be feeling like crap, then I was right on the money!

I actually got home first, and when he showed up, he went straight for the shower and spent a good deal of time just sitting on the floor of it with the water running on him. I came in to check on him, just in time for round 2 of his barfing to begin.

He eventually dragged himself to the couch to rest, but was so dehydrated that he could barely roll himself over and started getting muscle cramps in his legs. He had also turned a special shade of green at this point, and after my 10th offer to take him to see a doctor, he agreed that he should probably go get checked out.

After one last stop to throw up in the front yard (you're welcome, neighbors!), we headed to the 24-hour Emergency Clinic in Sugar Land. Fortunately they got him in and pumped full of fluids relatively quickly, and despite a low fever and the chills, he started feeling better almost right away.

He mostly slept for the next 2 hours while I filled out paperwork, played on my iPhone, and stole candy from the front desk (I know it's not really stealing if it's free, but saying I stole it makes me feel more rebellious). It was during this time that I also noticed this picture hanging on the wall in the room we were in:

Now please observe the following picture of our TV room:

Notice any similarities?

Nothing makes you feel confident in your decorating abilities quite like discovering that the same piece of "art" (albeit mass-produced) hanging on your TV room wall is also hanging in the room in which your husband was handed a barf bag and then hooked up to an IV.

Regardless, it gave Brian a good laugh, which was much needed at the time. It also gave him a good laugh that the nurse kept talking about how athletic and tall he was. Good thing I remembered to put my wedding ring on before we left the house so she didn't get the wrong idea or anything.

Anyway, we eventually made it home and he was able to get some more (a whopping 2+ hours) sleep. He had a rough night, but after some medicine, Gatorade, apple sauce, and crackers, he is feeling much better. And being that I received an e-mail from Netflix while at work asking me about the picture quality of "The X Files: Season 2: 'Blood,'" apparently he found a way to keep himself entertained while his faithful nurse was away for the day.

And because I haven't talked about myself enough in today's blog, I also wanted to give you an acupuncture update. No exciting food recommendations to report, but perhaps even better, today she made me take a "shot" of this. And because that link doesn't do it justice, you should know that it looks like this:

I know what you're thinking, but the answer is no, I did not accidentally post a picture of Brian's vomit. This is legitimately what she convinced me to drink.

Fortunately, it tastes like a smoothie. Unfortunately, she has strongly suggested that I purchase this special beverage and consume 4 ounces of it every day. And once again, I find myself painfully jealous of those of you that had no trouble getting pregnant.

She also informed me that we are going to get a little more "aggressive" with treatment after this cycle, since my reproductive system seems to be a little on the lazy side. So we'll see how that goes. Oh, and one more thing, she also told me that when I start my next cycle, she wants me to STOP TRACKING MY BASAL BODY TEMPERATURE.

When she told me this, I wasn't sure if I should hug her or cry. Taking my temperature every morning is really very easy, but I admittedly have a hard time not letting the number on the thermometer screen dictate my mood for the morning. So it is somewhat of a relief to be "ordered" to stop doing it.

However, with my cycles being as LOOOONG and unpredictable as they are, it is going to be hard for me to let go of the one semi-concrete sign/symptom that I am able to keep track of. And besides, what are fertilityfriend.com and I going to be able to talk about every day?

Somehow, I'm sure I'll manage, but God, if You're reading this, I just wanted to point out that it would be a lot easier for me to manage if I could just go ahead and get pregnant, like, tomorrow. Thanks.

Putting my alphabet skillz to good use

2011-09-29T19:00:00.001-05:00

Does anyone else think the word "skill," when pluralized, should always end in a 'z'? Me too.

My wonderful pal/triplet separated at birth, Erika, recently posted this A-Z blog, and because imitation is the highest form of flattery and I think she is pretty great, it is only fitting that I copy her.

A. Age: 28

B. Bed size: Queen… I used to think we should upgrade to a king, but now I’m not so sure. Don’t get me wrong- I love having my personal space, but I don’t like feeling like I have to reach 800 yards away to get to Brian (or my blankies) when needed.

*As a side note, my parents have a very tall 4-post queen-sized bed, and for most of my childhood, I thought that "queen" and "king" referred to the height of the bed frame itself. I'm smart.

C. Chore that you hate: Cleaning the bath tub and shower- thank goodness for a helpful husband who doesn't mind these chores as much as I do :)

D. Dogs: Noah and Buster, the sweetest and most well-behaved pups in the world... and I am only sort of exaggerating.

E. Essential start to your day: Working out. I hate to admit this, because every morning when my alarm goes off, I try to come up with some kind of legitimate excuse NOT to work out. However, it makes a noticeable difference in my energy level and really does help me to start the day off on the right foot.

F. Favorite color: Red (cardinal for all of my Chi Omega sisters... hoot hoot)

G. Gold or Silver: Gold

H. Height: 5'6

I. Instruments you play: Does the Wii guitar from Guitar Hero count?

J. Job title: Corporate Recruiter- I screen resumes and interview people for a living.

K. Kids: None yet… thanks for rubbing it in!

L. Live: Outside of Houston, Texas, in a magical town called Richmond

M. Mother’s name: Betsy, but she is more commonly referred to as “Franny” now that she is grandmother extraordinaire.

N. Nicknames: A few people call me AJ, but that's about the extent of it.

O. Overnight hospital stays: None so far!

P. Pet peeves: I feel like I whine about pet peeves all the time, so I’ll just share one that has been bothering me lately: It drives me up the wall when people call me at work repeatedly without leaving a message… as in, 5+ times in a day. Or when they call, leave a message, and then call back less than 2 hours later to see if I got the first message. NEWSFLASH: You are not the only person that needs my time today.

Q. Quote from a movie: “A lot of people go to college for seven years.” “I know. They’re called doctors.” - Tommy Boy

R. Right or left handed: Right

S. Siblings: 2 sisters, 1 brother, 2 sisters-in-law, 2 brothers-in-law

U. Underwear: Hanky pankies

V. Vegetable you hate: Beets! Although in their defense, I have never actually tried one. In my defense, I have never tried a cigarette but I am confident I wouldn't like those either.

W. What makes you run late: I am known for being a stickler when it comes to punctuality, so unless it’s something major (ie: I died), running late and I don’t typically mix!

X. X-Rays you’ve had: Teeth, finger, foot, uterus (which was SO FUN), and most recently, chest due to the great TB scare of 2011

Y. Yummy food that you make: Chocolate chip pumpkin muffins… in fact, I could go for some of those right about now.

Z. Zoo animal: Pandas for sure—this comes from the “Amanda Panda” nickname that I received off and on as a child. I had a few stuffed animal pandas as a result, but I think what you’ll find even more awesome is that one time, simply because of my great affinity for them, I hand-copied the entire entry on pandas from the encyclopedia.

The end!

More of life lately, as dictated by my iPhone

2011-09-26T06:00:00.001-05:00

I'm sure many of you have been wondering what I've been doing lately besides going to acupuncture appointments. So once again, I am going to let the iPhone (and my captions) do the talking:

Yes, I did make Brian take a picture before his first official day at his new job. Yes, he was embarrassed, but thankfully he still cooperated :)

Back in August, Allison & Wade were in town for Wade's sister's wedding, and I got the pleasure of babysitting my sweet little nephew while they were at the rehearsal dinner. He was a little grumpy at first, but thankfully it didn't take long for me to discover the magic sleep-inducing combination: Baby Einstein + Baby Bjorn

That didn't last for long, however, so I was very thankful when Uncle Brian showed up to come to the rescue. Isn't he going to be a great daddy one day?

This was taken the next night on the way to the wedding. He knew he had a long night of dancing ahead of him, so he wanted to make sure he was well-rested.

Buster has for whatever reason determined that he has permanent permission to lounge on the couch. We don't want to encourage this habit, particularly because it's unfair to his larger (and more likely to shed) brother, but how can you tell this face 'no'?

I mean, seriously?

This was taken on our (very brief) road trip to La Grange for Labor Day. We intended to stay there overnight, but the wildfires in nearby Bastrop caused a power outage that cut our trip short.

And for the record, I promise we don't love Noah any less than we love Buster! Buster just gets to sit in the front seat so he'll be less likely to barf.

Remember that time I won Camille's BlogShare contest? Well as promised, my prize showed up shortly thereafter!

The contents: a prayer book, journal, flash drive, keepsake box, and a $30 gift card to 9er's Grill (local restaurant... townies 4 life!) Thanks, Camille!

Speaking of gifts from friends, this cute little package arrived to me in the mail the other day from my good pal, Kimmie! It's an owl-shaped portable fragrance clip, and just so happens to be a scent that Brian actually likes ("Leaves" from Bath & Body Works)... double victory for Kimmie (and us)!

Sadly, I have no pictures of Davis's recent baptism, but I DO have a picture of Allison's and my shopping trip while they were in town that weekend. Can you tell which one is which?

Two of our best friends, Katie & Stephen, welcomed their sweet baby boy, Michael, into the world on September 20th! This pic was taken when he was just a day old!

And because it's always good to end on the topic of food, this last picture is evidence of our first ever bread-making efforts! All 8 of these beauties are for communion at church, and the x's are actually supposed to be in the shape of the cross. See if you can practice your observation skills and identify the one Brian stabbed with a fork to see if it was done. Boys are so graceful.

And there you have it! Maybe I'll start snapping photos during my acupuncture sessions for your viewing pleasure. Just kidding... all that would do is ensure that Allison would never read my blog again, and given that she is my most faithful reader/commenter, that's a risk I'm not willing to take.

All I'm saying is that I never got any take-home gifts from my fertility specialist... not even a baby

2011-09-23T14:56:00.007-05:00

What up, peeps? I'm pretty sure that after the vlog, I'm going to have to start all of my posts that way.

I would first like to report that while I did consume both walnuts and red kidney beans this past week, I have yet to try out the pomegranate popsicles. However, in my defense, there was a steady supply of cookies AND cake balls in our house all week until we finally polished them off yesterday. What was I supposed to do, let them go to waste?

Needle Lady actually didn't give me any new food suggestions this week, and although I would like to pretend that it was because she was so pleased with my obedience thus far that she gave me a week off, I think it's more likely that she just forgot. I can't really blame her for forgetting today, however, because when she walked in at the end of the session and asked me how it went, I said, "Great! ... except I sort of feel like I might throw up."

The good news is that I did not toss my cookies (or peanut butter sandwich, as was the case in this instance), and I'm pretty sure the only reason I was feeling the urge to do so was because I was lying face down on my stomach so shortly after eating. And on that note, I had an exciting acupuncture first this week- she flipped me over to my back for a change!

Normally I am lying face up while she pokes me in the arms, legs, feet, stomach, and/or skull. But apparently she was feeling crazy on Wednesday and decided to shake things up a bit, so I got to lay down with my face in one of those cradle type contraptions with the hole in the middle like they use when you get a massage. I was excited about this because I am a stomach sleeper and find that position much more relaxing, but apparently I didn't consider the fact that "much more relaxing" = "much more likely to act like I've just come out of a coma when I return to work after the appointment."

Oh, and I should also add that when I got back to work, I had sheet marks on my face and upper chest, and I was so flushed that someone asked me if I had just gotten back from tanning. Clearly this person is also blind, because in case you haven't noticed, my skin is comparable to that of Powder or Casper the Ghost. (I'm not linking to a picture of Casper because I'm assuming you all know what he looks like... a ghost.)

Anyway, back to the appointment - in addition to putting some of the needles in my back, calves, etc., she also hooked up some type of electrical stimulators to my lower back as well. I can't really think of a way to describe it except that it felt like pop rocks* feel in your mouth. Helpful, I know. And at today's appointment, in addition to the pop rocks machine, she also put a heating pad on my upper back, which means I'm now convinced she is on a serious mission to get me to fall asleep and never wake up.

Oh, and you all will love this- today she gave me a t-shirt as a token of appreciation for my business (thoughtful, I know). I know what you're thinking- the benefits to acupuncture really are endless! And I agree. I figured it was going to be just a plain t-shirt with her logo on the front, but when I unrolled it, I was pleasantly surprised to see this:

In case you can't read that, it says "Life is great... acupuncture makes it better." But even more important is the picture of the stick figure lying on the table with needles in his back, and the stick figure acupuncturist (who apparently has duck feet) standing over him.

You better believe this t-shirt is now one of my favorites and will immediately join the elite after-work attire rotation along with my old Chi Omega t-shirts and my black cotton gaucho pants from Target (referred to affectionately by my husband as my AWP's- After Work Pants).

I did promise her, however, that I would make sure to put it to good use and do some advertising for her (the logo and website are on the back)... although I didn't mention that the target audience might be limited to people that walk or drive by me while I'm out walking/running in our neighborhood. But hey, it's better than nothing!

Alright, that's all I have for now. I am including the infertility label on this post as you'll see below, but impressively, I did not mention anything about infertility at all until this point! Oh, and did I mention that I have started referring to us as "subfertile" rather than "infertile"? It sounds so much less harsh, don't you think?

*When I pulled up the pop rocks web page, I got a good laugh at the fact that they declare their product to be "the # 1 selling popping candy in the world!" Because really, who is their competition?

Dialect Vlog: Twin Edition

2011-09-19T06:32:00.009-05:00

What up, peeps? You'll see why that is an amusing introductory phrase momentarily.

As promised, Allison and I put together a joint blog for you while we were together this past weekend. Not just any blog, mind you, but our very first (and likely only) VIDEO BLOG! Can you feel the excitement?

So I'm sure most of you have heard about the famous dialect "vlog" that's going around, but in case you haven't, the point of it is basically to showcase people's individual dialects since they don't always come through on the blog. However, I think you'll agree after watching this that Allison and I are for the most part dialect-free. Or else we just think that because we are used to each other.

Anyway, here it is for your viewing pleasure. We dressed up BIG TIME for this one, so you're welcome. Also, Allison pointed out that I acted very business-like while she was a little more laid back... guess that's what happens when one of us works in corporate America every day and the other stays home watching Baby Einstein videos and cleaning up poop.

Ok enough rambling- here you go:

Oh, and Kate and Erika, you're welcome for the shout-outs... although I guess you can thank Allison for those since she did them both!

I feel the need to confess that I was eating peanut butter out of the jar while I wrote this post

2011-09-16T14:51:00.006-05:00

(Beware, dad, I'm about to use the "period" word.)

Few times in my life (ok, no times in my life) have I been so proud to share with the world that I started my period. Yes, that's right, friends- without any medication or chemical intervention, my uterus got the memo and did its job. Ok well technically, its job is to house a baby, but we're taking it one step at a time here, people.

I, for one, was impressed to see these results just 2 weeks and 3 days after starting my regular rounds of quality time with Needle Lady. My temperature actually shifted about a week before, and while I initially thought that I had actually ovulated, I think the acupuncture actually just resulted in a surge in progesterone that in turn started my period. Regardless, I don't care so much how or why it happened as much as I care about the fact that it actually happened!

So we are on the right track. I'm not sure if I mentioned it after my first appointment, but my acupuncturist asked me to give her 3 months to get my body back in working order. She said that step one was to start my period, and then try to get my hormones, etc. regulated from there. So that's what's next!

Oh, and for those that missed it on facebook, this week's food suggestions were red kidney beans, beets (YEAH RIGHT), and pomegranate. I was feeling a little guilty because I have yet to consume a single walnut or pineapple and already my list is growing. However, I am happy to report that during my trip to (the new) HEB today, I purchased a box of Dreyer's pomegranate fruit bars (popsicles) AND a can of red kidney beans for a chili recipe* we're making next week. So there's hope for me yet. Except for the beets... that is never, ever, ever going to happen.

*Yes, I realize it is still 90+ degrees outside and probably a little too early for chili, but I was bound and determined to include those red kidney beans in my diet next week, so lay off!

And on a completely unrelated (and infinitely more important) note, my wonderful father-in-law lost his job yesterday very unexpectedly. As you might recall, my in-laws relocated to Burnet (outside of Austin) just last year for him to take this job, so this was certainly a shock. We would greatly appreciate your prayers that he would find a new job soon, and that they would be well-provided for in the transition, financially and otherwise. And of course, if you know of any job opportunities in Texas for a hard-working, caring, corny-joke-telling car dealership service manager, PLEASE let me know and I would be happy to pass along his resume.

Hope you all enjoy your weekend and that those of you who are also enduring this ridiculous drought get some much-needed rain. Speaking of water (nice transition, right?), the Olivers are coming in town this weekend to have baby Davis baptized at our church! And you're in luck because Allison and I are planning on putting together a joint blog post while we're together... stay tuned!

Surviving Acupuncture: Thoughts from a conservative white girl

2011-09-10T12:46:00.003-05:00

In case you were wondering, acupuncture is still going well. It has now become a part of my weekly routine, and as a result, I think it is getting easier for me to relax each time... and forget that I am lying on a table with needles sticking out of various body parts.

I have now been to 5 appointments, and for the past 4, I have gotten the ol' needle in the top of the skull every time. Surprisingly, it really doesn't hurt, but usually it makes the top of my head itch for the remainder of the day. She also always puts one in each wrist, which in turn makes my left arm (only) fall asleep. I made a comment about how I thought it was strange that it didn't happen on my right side, but she said that is normal because the left side of your body controls your Yin (versus your Yang, duh). It makes me laugh when she responds to my questions/observations like that, as if the answer is completely logical and makes total sense.

What also makes me laugh are the foods she suggests that I eat. During my first visit, as I expected, she gave me a list of fairly common sense dietary guidelines... choose wheat rather than white, avoid red meat, avoid alcohol, eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, etc. What I did not expect, however, was that she would give me very specific (and very unusual) food suggestions in each subsequent visit.

So far, I have been specifically instructed to eat more broccoli, cauliflower, walnuts, and pineapple. And it's not like it even comes up naturally in the conversation- but rather, she will finish sticking the needles in, tell me to relax, and then say, "Oh, and make sure to eat lots of pineapple this weekend. I'll be back in 20 minutes," before leaving the room. Um. Ok?

(And on that note, short of eating walnuts as a snack (no thanks) or baking them into brownies (which I don't think counts as "healthy"), how else am I supposed to add them into my diet?!)

Anyway, I have warned her that I am a picky eater, and thankfully she doesn't seem to mind that, because when I informed her with the maturity of a 5-year-old that I don't really like pineapples, she suggested I have a virgin pina colada instead. Now THAT is medical advice I like to hear.

And on the topic of dietary issues, interestingly enough, she brought up the idea of me possibly going off of the Metformin, aka: the bane of my existence since September 2010. You remember- the one that indirectly caused me to vomit profusely for the first time in 10 years? Yes, that one.

When I first started taking the medicine last year, I was in a fairly constant state of nausea for the first couple of months. But after a while, I got used to it, and even though my stomach still felt unsettled most of the time, it didn't seem to be affecting me quite like it used to (thank the good Lord).

However, after my second visit to the acupuncturist, I noticed that the nausea was back. I mentioned it to her, and she did say that it made sense for my body to be more sensitive to the medicine now that it's being "realigned," but she didn't see any issue with me continuing to take it, and even said that a lot of her PCOS patients continue taking it in conjunction with the acupuncture. (And as a side note, she then put some needles into my feet, explaining that it would help to tame the nausea... again, makes perfect sense, right?)

On my last visit, though, the very first thing she asked was if I had ever considered stopping taking the Metformin. She said that she had another patient recently that was non-typical PCOS (meaning not overweight, covered in excess body hair, or suffering from any of the other unfortunate side effects rather than having ovaries covered in cysts) that had actually stopped taking the Metformin and got pregnant 2 months later.

Now it is important to note that she wasn't suggesting going off of the Metformin was the only reason that patient got pregnant, and she also clarified that she wasn't telling me to go off of it- just asking me to think about it because it was possible that the medicine was doing more harm (nausea, discomfort, etc.) than good (helping me get pregnant).

It took me approximately 5 seconds to think it over before I shoved that Metformin bottle in the back of the medicine cabinet, (hopefully) never to be seen again. If you're lucky, this means there will an increase in DQ blizzard consumption (and therefore blog posts) in my future because that dumb medicine won't be in my system to ruin it for me... of course, I might have to get them to concoct a blizzard with pineapples and walnuts mixed in, but that's neither here nor there.

And before I wrap up this glimpse into my new acupuncture-packed life, I also need to tell you about the music. Yes, there's music... not entirely unlike this special jam. During the first session, as soon as she turned on the music, I had to concentrate very hard on not laughing (I do not do well with forced relaxation, FYI). I have somewhat gotten used to it by now, however, and even though the chanting part on one of her "playlists" kind of weirds me out, I now enjoy the naptime soundtrack.

At yesterday's appointment, however, the ice cream man apparently decided to make a delivery to the construction crew working next door, so you can imagine my surprise when I heard this* come on in the middle of my session. I like to call what resulted the "tranquility remix." Who knows- maybe there's a market out there for this type of music and I need to look into it further?

I didn't mention it to my acupuncturist, because I didn't want her to feel bad and think that the ice cream man had ruined my relaxation. And on that note, if she really does feel strongly about the music making the experience, she probably wouldn't be too thrilled to learn that after my appointment, I hopped into my car (still in a coma-like state very similar to how you feel after leaving a massage) and was promptly greeted by The Black Eyed Peas singing "Boom Boom Pow." Oops.

I'll be sure to bring back more tales of my adventures with Needle Lady soon. In the meantime, enjoy your weekend!

*When I searched "ice cream truck music" and pressed play on this track, Buster and Noah came running. Pretty amusing!

Pretty soon I'll just convince someone else to write my blogs for me

2011-09-07T20:16:00.005-05:00

Guess what... I won Camille's BlogShare contest! I'm excited to see what my prize is, but in case you weren't aware, one of the (unadvertised) prizes was that I got an automatic excuse for waiting a week to blog again. Congratulations to me!

And even more good news- my sissy did a post earlier this week that she is graciously allowing me to rip off from her, so that means that for the second post in a row, someone else is providing me with a topic so I don't have to come up with one on my own. So Camille and Allison, thank you for ~~enabling my laziness~~ inspiring me.

So without further delay, I give you my list of "Things." Oh, and in case you didn't already think I was a moocher, then you should know that I wasn't even motivated enough to come up with my own list... Allison did it for me. Isn't she the greatest?

Things that make me go "hmm":

Why people pluralize (and make possessive) the names of businesses... for example: calling it "Barnes & Nobles" or referring to Magnolia Cafe as "Magnolia's"

OH, and fantasy sports. But really, those make me go "ugh." :)

Things that irritate me the most during my commute home from work:

Where do I even begin? Other passengers, stoplights, trains, and annoying DJ's on the radio. So basically everything? :)

Things that I get asked often about being a twin:

"What's it like to be a twin?" I really don't know how to respond to this one, because if you'll think about it for a moment, I have no idea what it's like not to be a twin.

Things I never hear my husband say:

"I'm not hungry."

"Why would I want to watch the Aggie/Texans/Astros/Rockets/any-sports-team-even-if-it's-completely-irrelevant-to-him when Teen Mom is on tv?!"

"No, I don't think I've seen that youtube video before."

Things I will not do on a weeknight:

Stay up past 10 pm. Generally speaking, I don't like committing to any activity at all on weeknights because of the likelihood that I'll have to stay up after my bedtime. Sometimes (ie: if Mexican food is involved), I can be coerced into doing so, but generally I regret it the next morning.

Things I shouldn't say to a cop who is bald when he is getting after me and my friends who are illegally parked by a cliff:

Not that she was referencing an actual event here or anything when she came up with this one, but theoretically, if something like this did happen (while you were in high school, for example), I think it would be unwise to point out his baldness and ask him if you could touch his head.

Things I like to slam into while running:

Once again, not that this has ever happened to me, but if I had to pick something to slam into while running, it would be a fire hydrant. While running "the mile" around the middle school. In 6th grade. In front of a classroom full of cute boys.

Things that will never be found on my plate:

FISH or anything that ever lived in the ocean/lake/river/swamp

Things that make me want to punch someone in the face:

Ok yes, perhaps Allison was a little harsh in including this topic. But if I have to answer, then I'm going to go with making excuses. I know everyone says this, but I really and truly cannot stand it when people make excuses! My least favorite? "I didn't have time." Oh, that's funny, because last time I checked, you had 24 hours in your day just like the rest of us.

Oops, did that sound hostile?

Things that are stupid:

My ovaries. Oh, and my uterus.

Never say never

2011-08-31T20:20:00.003-05:00

Today during my lunch break, I had a needle put into my skull. As I mentioned in a recent post, I never in a million years would have thought I would willingly subject myself to such "torture," let alone be enthusiastic about doing so. But as I also mentioned, that is just one item on what has become a long list of things that I have done as a result of infertility that I never thought I would (or could) do.

Fittingly, my fellow pastor's wife and good pal, Camille, is currently hosting a BlogShare contest based on the topic: "Things I never thought I would do/say and why I changed my mind." Never one to turn down a challenge, I was eager to enter (and you should, too, if you don't mind being beaten, that is:), but even more so once I saw the chosen topic.

I know it's hard to fathom, but there was once a time when I did not think about (let alone blog about) my reproductive system. And at that time, I am fairly sure that I was smug enough to believe infertility could never happen to me. After all, my mom birthed 4 children (including a naturally occurring set of identical twins, thankyouverymuch), and my older sister also birthed 4 children, so surely genetics would grant me the same ease with getting pregnant.

Two years and one very empty uterus later, I want to dropkick that smug girl in the face. Nonetheless, I do find amusement in thinking about the things I swore I would never do/say/think in my journey (which, at the time, I anticipated would last approximately 1 month) to get pregnant. And because everyone (me) loves a good list, I am now going to share that list with you:

(Oh, and in case it isn't obvious, the "why I changed my mind" part is because we decided it was time to replace our imaginary children with real ones.)

1. Become a member of a website called fertilityfriend.com.

2. ... and visit that website multiple times daily.

3. Take my temperature every.single.morning and actually make the effort to write it down.

4. Name one of my follicles and pray for it by name (first, middle, and last).

5. And for that matter, even know what a follicle was.

6. E-mail/go to coffee with/eat dinner with/call/text message/become best friends with total and complete strangers solely (at least initially) because of our mutual inability to procreate.

7. Endure dozens of ultrasounds without ever getting to see a tiny heartbeat on the screen.

8. Pee on a stick in the bathrooms of all of Seattle's major tourist attractions.

9. Allow a stranger to poke me with needles... twice weekly.

10. Boldly inform a male co-worker (when asked why I was doing acupuncture) that I was hoping to increase the blood-flow to my uterus. (Sorry- you asked!)

11. Have my dad tell me he has a hard time reading my blog because of how many references I make to baby-making attempts and, worse, periods.

12. Become insanely jealous of the girls on 16 and Pregnant and righteously indignant towards the ones on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant (I mean, SERIOUSLY).

13. Go through 3 bottles of prenatal vitamins (240-count) without ever getting past the "prenatal" phase.

14. Remember my friends' pregnancy announcements based on where I cried when I heard the news.

15. Have a mysterious looking package wrapped in a Kroger bag delivered to my desk before work by a male co-worker (do you sense a theme here?), only to find out that it was a copy of The Infertility Cure, generously loaned to me by his daughter-in-law. (Yes, this really happened.)

So there you have it, friends. This list could go on for days (who knows? I might even do a part 2 one day if you're lucky), but unfortunately for this long-winded blogger, the contest has a word limit. And although I'm currently 89 words short of that limit, I'd like to give myself a nice margin of error in case my word counter was incorrect.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to go enter the contest yourself!

Adventures in acupuncture

2011-08-30T20:33:00.003-05:00

Yep. I took the plunge and gave it a try. When I informed Allison that I had made my first appointment, she said, "So, are you going to have to lie on a bed of needles or something?" Apparently she was under the illusion that I was joining the circus rather than trying a new infertility treatment.

After some research, I decided to make an appointment with this acupuncturist. I decided on her for a few reasons:

1. She is certified by the ABORM (American Board of Reproductive Oriental Medicine), which I found out thanks to a tip from a newly pregnant friend.
2. Her practice is close to my house and to my office.
3. Her website was written in plain English.

These standards seem easy to satisfy, but you would be surprised by how many places I ruled out based on number 3 alone.

Regardless, to say I was nervous before the appointment was an understatement. I was worried that I was going to get there and decide everything she told me was a load of crap. I was worried that the needles would hurt. I was worried that it was going to be a waste of money. I was worried that she was going to make me eat or drink something strange. And most of all, I was worried that we could unknowingly be taking a step in the wrong direction.

Brian and I prayed before I went inside to the appointment that God would make it abundantly clear to me in that first visit whether or not that was the right next step for us. And thankfully, within minutes of meeting the practitioner (affectionately nicknamed "Needle Lady" by my clearly open-minded sister), there was not a doubt in my mind that I was exactly where God intended me to be.

For starters, I honestly think half the advantage she had was the fact that she is a woman. I have always had male doctors and never had an issue with it, but in my dealings with our fertility specialist, it has become painfully clear to me on a number of occasions that no matter how smart or empathetic they are, men will never quite be able to grasp the issues women deal with.

She asked me a bunch of questions, and (get this) seemed legitimately interested in my answers. Based on my recent interactions with Dr. C, I was a little gun shy in bringing up the issues I had noticed with my temperature charts and luteal phase, but not only did she not dismiss me, but she agreed with me that they were worthy of concern and, believe it or not, seemed to be interested in helping to fix them.

What surprised me was that she actually knew all of the science behind my issues- I was expecting to walk in, have her do some kind of strange chanting and rain dancing, poke me with some needles, and then send me on my way. Imagine my surprise when she mentioned actual medical terms and was able to explain what was going on in my body in a way that I actually understood. And the point when I really knew we were a good match was when she actually made a joke about my ovaries, saying that they were currently functioning like a sweat shop- it's amazing what a difference a little humor can make when you are spilling your guts about your mind-numbingly frustrating medical condition(s).

And lastly, and perhaps most importantly, she was encouraging. When we were talking about PCOS, she said at one point (while literally beaming), "I know you hate it, but I LOVE PCOS!" And by that, she meant that she has taken a lot of interest in it and enjoys the challenge of "rehabilitating" patients that have it. She didn't guarantee that we would end up pregnant, but she seemed very optimistic about our chances and thought it was not so much a matter of "if," but more a matter of "when."

I promise I am going to stop raving soon, but I also appreciated that her approach was more directed at the goal of getting my system back in working order rather than just helping us get pregnant. Yes, the goal is for us to have a baby, but more importantly, I would like for my body to function properly without requiring chemical assistance. What a novel concept!

Ok I'm done now, I promise.

Oh, and to answer your question, no, the needles didn't hurt. It was just a quick poke (or 10) and then I didn't feel a thing. I did keep my eyes closed the whole time, however, because watching them stick out of me weirded me out.

I'm going to have to go in twice a week for the first month or two until my body starts to get back on track. Our plan for now is just to try this on its own and see what kind of results we get. If, in a few months, we haven't made much progress, then we'll consider adding in other medical treatment in conjunction with it. And I'm sure many of you will be happy to hear that we will most likely be trying out a different specialist if and when that happens, because we have just about written Dr. C off at this point. Sadly, that means no more stories about Robot Nurse or Nurse Goldfish, but I'm sure you'll get over it.

So that's where we are. I'll be sure to keep you posted, no doubt with an amusing story or two to keep you entertained along the way.

Thanks for the 8 millionth time for your continued support and prayers!

PS- For all of you Words with Friends fans, the word "Qi" was used on several occasions in one of the pieces of literature she gave me. Nice to know the word doesn't exist solely for the purpose of getting rid of a 'q,' right? :)

For once, being right is not nearly as satisfying

2011-08-26T13:39:00.006-05:00

Ok it's time for some new blogging rules:

New rule #1: I am NOT going to apologize anymore for being sad. Or for being unable to cope with reality. Or for having a hard time being around pregnant people/mommies. Or for moping. With that said, I will apologize if I act mean and/or selfish, because while a lot of the feelings that I am experiencing are normal, my circumstances are NOT an excuse for me to mistreat people.

New rule #2: I am not going to keep promising that I will write a more positive and upbeat post "some time soon," because let's be honest, that is not likely to happen, and if I wait until it does, then I might not be blogging again for a very long time.

Now that we have those out of the way, let's move on.

I took a pregnancy test this morning, and it was negative. On the one hand, I completely wasn't surprised, because as I mentioned to my doctor (who, if you'll recall, seemed to dismiss me entirely), I was fairly confident that I didn't ovulate. On the other hand, any time you go 37 days without a period (or as is often the case for me, 50+), there is always SOME hope that maybe this cycle will be the one.

A friend at work had actually recently given me this specific pregnancy test with a thoughtful note about how she hoped it would give me good news when I used it and she mentioned that she even prayed over it before she gave it to me. So yesterday when I inventoried the bathroom cabinet and learned that this test was the only one I had left, I faced a major internal struggle: Do I bite the bullet and use the "special" test, knowing fully well that I am not really giving it the best chance to succeed, or do I go out of my way to buy another test and save that one for a time when it will more likely be positive?

My practical side took over, however, and I decided that I just needed to suck it up and use the one that I already had on hand. I have a feeling this decision did not surprise Brian one bit, however, being that he has had to listen to more than his fair share of lectures about the importance of finishing up one bag of chips before opening up a new one because there is no sense in having TWO unopened bags of chips in the pantry. Oh, the burdens of being type A...

Anyway, it was a super fancy digital test, and so rather than the one pink line, I got a "-NO" instead. I sure am glad they added that minus sign in case there was any ambiguity about the giant "NO" that was written next to it. Thanks for ruining yet another day for me, First Response.

Regardless, I dusted myself off and moved on with the day, determined not to get worked up about what I had already more or less known was the outcome for a week or so. And for the most part, I have functioned fine, minus one crying episode in which I told Brian that I wished every pregnant person would crawl in a hole until they have their babies, at which point they could move to an island where I wouldn't have to know about them just so I won't feel so sorry for myself in comparison. But in reality, not knowing about other people being pregnant wouldn't help at all because I would still be all too aware that we are not pregnant, so that plan is flawed.

And for the record, pregnant friends and friends with children, I'm not serious, and I don't hold any of you responsible for my current state of frustration/sadness/rage, so please know that I'm kidding :)

Anyway, the negative test confirmed that we do, in fact, have to actually make a decision about what to do next. And both because I have minimal confidence in my doctor at the moment and because I have gotten about 7,234 recommendations to do so in the past month, I am going to give acupuncture a try.

Being that I am pretty straight-laced and traditional in my approach to just about everything in life, I never thought I would say those words. However, I also never thought I would be chronicling the functions (or dysfunctions) of my ovaries on the internet, nor did I anticipate that I would have gone through NINE rounds of fertility medication (Clomid x 4 and Femara x 5) without having any success, so it turns out infertility holds all kinds of fun surprises!

My consultation is tomorrow morning, and then I will find out what my treatment plan is from there. I am nervous for a variety of reasons- not the least of which is because of the possibility that this, too, might not work. So my specific prayer request at this point is that the acupuncturist would be a good fit for me- that she would be genuinely interested in/concerned with our situation, and that God would give her the wisdom to treat my issues in the most effective way.

So that's that. I'll provide more updates soon, but for now, I'm off to escape from my own problems by watching Unsolved Mysteries on Lifetime while I wait for Brian to get home from work. Have a great weekend!

This post brought to you by Eeyore

2011-08-22T19:06:00.006-05:00

Some of you might be optimistic enough to think that the reason I haven't posted in 10 days is because I am actually pregnant and too distracted to blog. Those of you who have spent any amount of time with me and/or are friends with me on facebook know that this is not, in fact, the case. But rather, my brain is so completely devoid of thoughts unrelated to infertility that I literally have not been able to pull it together long enough to string together coherent thoughts that don't read something like this: "We can't get pregnant. And I'm frustrated about it. The end."

I know I have mentioned this before, but I am really getting tired of myself. Tired of the same old conversations that I have in my head. Tired of the same prayers to God every morning the second that I wake up, at night before I fall asleep, and for the remaining 16 hours in between. And let's not even talk about the incessant dreams about being pregnant, or worse, finding out someone else is pregnant.

Which brings me to a topic I have mentioned before: infertility for some reason feels like a competition to me. It is literally as if I am in competition with all other females to get pregnant, and every time one of them "wins" by succeeding in this mission, I lose. How terrible is that? Allison even had to tell me a while back that God does not have a set number of babies to give out, and that just because one person is pregnant, doesn't mean that it's one less baby available for the taking. But I will be honest- it totally feels that way.

I have also decided that there are very few things in life more isolating than infertility. As is evidenced by this already mind-numbingly boring (and borderline depressing) post, I have a very hard time relating to people right now that have not ever been or are not currently affected by infertility. If you don't believe me, then you should know that I discussed my ovaries at work today on the phone with a colleague. SERIOUSLY.

I keep praying that God would give me the self-control to talk about it less, but then I find myself wandering off on a bunny trail and before I know it, I am pulling out my phone to update Fertility Friend (oh yes, there's an app for that).

Don't get me wrong- I am thankful for friends that have been in or are currently in this same boat, but I feel like I am having a harder and harder time finding common ground with those that aren't. Which, I realize, is totally selfish and stupid, but it seems to be my best defense mechanism at the moment. If I don't hang out with them, I won't have to think about how great it must be to either (a) be pregnant, (b) have children, or (c) be at a stage in life where children are not even on their radar.

As a side note, if you fall into one of those categories, please don't think I don't want to spend time with you... just know that it is hard for me to do so right now and I am doing my best to make the extra effort, but some days I do a crappier job of that than others.

All that to say, the point of this post is not to make excuses for myself or ask you all to tell me that my bad behavior is understandable or even acceptable, but rather to give you a glimpse into my sad little brain (and heart) in case you were wondering what life is like for me lately.

As an update, I scheduled an appointment last week because my temperature still had not shifted (therefore leading me to believe I still had not ovulated). The doctor basically dismissed my concerns and said that I had apparently not just one, but two follicles (um, why didn't anyone mention the second one to me?!), and that it was unlikely that I hadn't ovulated.

I kindly pointed out that it was my understanding that, by definition, PCOS means that I produce a lot of follicles each cycle that don't release eggs (and therefore turn into cysts), and asked why he didn't think it was plausible that this had been the case. His response was that it "was possible that I didn't ovulate," but that was about as much legitimacy as he would give to my concerns.

He offered to do a progesterone test, but I wasn't interested in wasting $90 to confirm what I am fairly certain did not happen. As a disclaimer, I realize that my temperature chart could be 100% inaccurate. I could have a broken thermometer, for all I know. And I would be thrilled if I was wrong and he was right. I just wish he would have at least taken me a little more seriously.

So here we sit- waiting once again- and trying to figure out what (if anything) to do next. We have a few options, although none of them seem very appealing right now, unless snapping my fingers and immediately becoming pregnant counts as an option? :)

I will TRY to get back into normal Amanda mode soon and not put you through any more mopey posts like this- but no promises! And in the meantime, if you have any surefire suggestions on how to distract myself from my every day reality, please do share!

The promised recaps

2011-08-12T17:12:00.007-05:00

So where shall we begin?

Oh, yes, with the anniversary. Sadly, we spent the better part of the day at our respective offices rather than together. We did, as I mentioned on facebook, decide to forego our normal Thursday morning work-out (walk with the dogs) in favor of baking and eating these for breakfast, which I think you'll all agree was a very wise decision.

And speaking of wise decisions, after dinner at a local Italian restaurant (we are such townies!), we treated ourselves to a romantic dessert outing at Dairy Queen. I tried the Nutter Butter Blizzard (current BOTM), and while I think it could have benefitted from the addition of a little chocolate (what couldn't?!), all in all I would say it was pretty tasty.

Did I mention that we stopped at Radio Shack between dinner and dessert to pick up a headphone splitter for our iPad? If you ask me, it really doesn't get more romantic than that.

With our anniversary behind us, we boarded the plane the next day for Seattle. And let me just say, first of all, that Brian is really lucky that we arrived there so soon after our anniversary, because otherwise I would have likely forgotten our vows altogether and proposed marriage to the weather the minute we walked out of the airport. It was seriously that amazing.

In the mornings, it was cloudy and in the 50s-60s. It heated up to

a "toasty" 78 or so later in the day, and then cooled back down in the evenings. We actually needed jackets and at a few points, I declared that I was, indeed, cold. It's ok if you hate me. I kind of hate me too right now considering that I am sitting in our study doing NOTHING and somehow I am still sweating.

The trip really was wonderful- I won't bore you with a day-by-day recap, but feel free to go to my Shutterfly site to peruse the 90+ pictures that we took to get an idea. We slept, we ate, we did some sight-seeing, we shopped- you know, the normal vacation activities. And more importantly, we did not wake up to an alarm once (well, except the day we left to come home... boo).

Suffice it to say we were not terribly thrilled about arriving home in Houston on the 9th day in a row of 100+ degree temperatures... or to go back to work the next day! But we are very thankful for the break we had from the heat, and more importantly, from reality. If you are looking for a get-away, we highly recommend taking a trip to Seattle, as long as you promise to take us with you :)

And lastly, as promised, the always riveting fertility update. As I mentioned in my last update, I had a follicle scan last Thursday (on our anniversary). I was with Nurse Goldfish this time, and despite the fact that she (yes, again) seemed shocked when she noticed upon starting the scan that I had polycystic ovaries, the appointment actually went well! Ok, well my interaction with her went well- the actual appointment was just so-so, but I'll talk about that in a minute.

As you are all well aware, I am not a huge fan of either of my doctor's nurses. Nurse Goldfish in particular was pretty unsympathetic in the midst of what turned out to be our chemical pregnancy. But regardless, I knew that as long as I continued to go to Dr. C, I would have to deal with them both. And so before my appointments last week, I began praying specifically that God would soften my heart towards Nurse Goldfish and that we would be able to find some kind of common ground or connection so that I wouldn't dread having to deal with her so much.

So imagine my surprise last week when our Seattle trip came up in conversation right after she walked into the room and she responded with, "Really?? I'm going to Seattle next week! I'm from Vancouver and I love it up there!"

She then spent a good 10 minutes giving me suggestions of where to go, what to do, and when she learned it was our anniversary, she even congratulated me and wished us "luck" (which is kind of amusing) on our trip. (Sorry, Dad.)

The actual appointment (as I'm about to share) didn't exactly go as I had hoped, but I was so thankful for this little victory, and was reminded yet again that God is still listening (even if He is still refusing to be convinced that I know what is best!:)

Anyway, as for the actual scan, at first she couldn't find any maturing follicles on either side. She told me she wasn't really seeing anything, and with what I'm sure sounded like desperation in my voice, I responded by asking if she wouldn't mind double-checking the right ovary since there was a 14 mm follicle there just 2 days earlier (which was written on my chart, but I think we all know by now that reading my chart is not her strong point). She switched back over to the right side and said, "Oh, ok- there it is! Sorry, it was hiding behind another follicle." Whew. Close call. Stupid crowded ovaries.

She measured the follicle (which, to be honest, doesn't seem like a very exact science to me) and said it was around 15 mm, which meant that yes, it was growing... but very slowly. With us scheduled to be out of town for the next 5 days, she said that there wasn't much point in doing the Ovidrel (trigger shot) because it was too hard to pinpoint exactly when I should take it. She recommended that we just try this round without the shot, and even suggested I leave the ovulation predictor kits at home so I didn't have to deal with the hassle of them on vacation- the first sane advice I had heard from her in a while! (Side note: Sane though it may have been, I ignored her advice and took them with me anyway. After the absurdity of trying to pee on an ovulation predictor kit in the bathroom of the very crowded Seattle Aquarium bathroom dawned on me, I called it quits and left them in the hotel room for the rest of the trip.)

So we have basically been left entirely to our own devices with just a thermometer and a temperature chart to help light the way since that appointment. So far, my chart has shown no sign of ovulation having occurred, and while I would like to think my thermometer is just defective, unfortunately that most likely is not the case.

Regardless, a mature follicle can get up to 30 mm before ovulation occurs, and if you consider that follicles grow 1-2 mm per day (and that mine apparently was particularly slow-growing from the start), it is perfectly plausible that it's only around 22 or 23 mm at this point, and therefore just not quite ready yet. It is also very plausible that the follicle stopped growing and nothing is happening at all, BUT for obvious reasons, we are choosing to ignore that possibility at the moment!

So that's where we are. Thanks for your continued prayers and words of encouragement... and for waiting so long between my blog posts! Happy weekending to you all!

Just to hold you over...

2011-08-11T19:18:00.003-05:00

Ok I realize I have been out of pocket for far too long (one week and counting), BUT sadly I don't have time to update you on my exciting life this evening, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow or Saturday. BUT, I can promise the following when I do write an update:

- recap of our 4th anniversary

- highlights from our trip to Seattle

- the latest on the fertility (or lack thereof) front

In the meantime, I'll hold you over with this fun fact: Someone in our house left an entire pack of gum in the pocket of his shorts... the very same shorts that I threw into the washing machine this morning with an entire load of laundry. So imagine my surprise when I started pulling clothes out of the washing machine after work this evening only to realize many of them were stuck together or had wads of (thankfully unchewed and therefore less sticky) gum stuck to them!

The bad news: I spent the better part of an hour using a razor blade to get the gum off of everything, and one pair of my hanky pankies may never be the same again.

The good news: With Brian's help, I got pretty much all of the gum out.

The interesting news: Thanks to Orbit's creativity in their flavor offerings, our clothes all currently smell like pina colada.

Also, a big victory for me: In my wrath, I did not yell at Brian or call him names! I may or may not have called his mom to tell on him, but in my defense, I was also calling her to see if she had a solution :)

Hasta luego, amigos!

Four down, 70+ to go

2011-08-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Hard to believe it, but today marks 4 whole years since Brian and I said, "I do."

Yep, the last one's a framer, I know.

Waaaay back on our 2nd anniversary, I shared the online version of our wedding album with you, and I have great news (as evidenced by the link)- it's still up! So feel free to join us in our trip down memory lane by going to check it out. I'm sorry to say that I don't have an online version of our wedding video, but maybe if you're lucky, I'll find a way to upload it for our 5th anniversary. Lucky you!

For very obvious reasons, our 4th year of marriage has been tough. We are thankful that, by the grace of God, infertility has not been a source of division for us. Yes, it has put a strain on our relationship at times (thank you, hormones), but I am thankful that our marriage has remained relatively unscathed, and on the contrary, has come out stronger as a result. If nothing else, I can safely say that we are better equipped than we were at this point last year to handle life's trials.

I will admit that today makes me a little sad because it marks the passing of another year with still no baby in sight. But even more so, I am thankful that today serves as a reminder that, baby or not, God has already blessed me immensely with a wonderful husband who...

... fills up my water bottle every night before bed so I don't have to the next morning.
... now works TWO jobs!
... always gives me a spoonful of his ice cream before he puts it away because he knows my fat free pudding wasn't nearly as satisfying.
... scratches the dogs' backs and puts them to bed each night.
... will do anything to make me laugh- including use Baby Dinosaur to teach me how to Dougie.
... petitions God daily to bring us a baby, and points me to that same God for comfort each time the answer is 'no.'
... still makes me mix CD's.
... gives me shots in my stomach and cleans up after my vomit without a single complaint even though I might or not might complain (loudly) if he so much as sneezes too many times in a row.

I have often said that there is nothing more humbling in life than marriage. I think that's a given in any marriage because you go from focusing almost entirely on your own needs and desires to suddenly having to consider someone else in almost every decision you make. But even more so did I find this to be true in marrying Brian, one of the most patient, unselfish, and giving people there is.

So thank you, Brian, once again for loving me despite the fact that I am easily one of the most difficult people in the world to love. The last four years have been greater than I ever could have imagined, and I can't wait to see what's in store for the rest of our lives. Just don't forget our deal- I get to die first because I wouldn't know how to do life without you :)

Happy anniversary - I love you!

Update/Prayer Request

2011-08-02T19:29:00.002-05:00

Warning: This may be the only real update I give during this cycle, so please don't be upset if I leave you hanging!
Double warning: Dad, I'm going to be using words like "ovulation" and implying that Brian and I will be trying to get pregnant, so you may want to stop reading now.

I went in for my day 12 follicle scan today, and they found one 14 mm follicle. If you ask me, for it being this early in the cycle (I usually don't ovulate until closer to day 18) and because I took the Femara on days 4-8 instead of 3-7 (meaning I didn't finish until a day later than normal), this is pretty decent!

If you ask Robot Nurse, however, this is not good news and is cause for looking at my ovaries with disdain and being as negative as possible. She told me that "it didn't look like much was happening" and then said that I need to come in on Friday for a follow-up scan. Well newsflash, Robot Nurse, but my husband and I will be on an airplane to Seattle come Friday morning (stalkers, please stay away from our house), so no can do.

I asked her if Thursday would be ok, and she said, "Sure, but it's going to be way too early to be able to tell anything." Have I thanked you lately for how upbeat and positive you are, Robot Nurse? I haven't? Oh, maybe that's because you are a joy-sucking, pessimistic robot.

Before she left the room, I once again tried to reach out to what I hoped was even an ounce of humanity in her by saying, "But really, 14 mm is not bad considering how early it is in the cycle, right?" And she responded with, "No, it's not bad... it's just not that big." Dream-crusher.

So anyway, I am choosing to remain hopeful despite her raining on my parade, and I am choosing to trust that God, once again, is more than capable of growing that follicle to be the perfect size at the perfect time. So please join us in praying that this is the case, and that almost as importantly, I will be able to prove Robot Nurse wrong at the appointment on Thursday and rub it in her face... in a godly way, of course :)

Oh, and also, I am trying really hard not to let the stress of timing issues between treatment and our trip be an issue, because I am confident that taking this trip is far more beneficial for me and for our relationship than any medicine will be! So please pray that I would continue to have that attitude and not allow the size and progression (or lack thereof) of my follicle(s) to bring me down.

Thanks, peeps!

For your viewing pleasure

2011-07-31T15:00:00.002-05:00

It's too hot to write, so instead, I'm just going to share some of my recent favorite videos with you:

Exhibit A: Playing peekaboo with Davis via webcam

(Alternate title: Further proof that my nephew is the cutest)

Exhibit B: A random video about a duck and a lemonade stand

Warning: There is absolutely no point to this video AND you should also know that this song will be stuck in your head... forever.

Exhibit C: How to laugh at infertility

My favorite line: "I hate her uterus."

Hope your week is off to a great start!

Tagging ain't easy, but it sure is fun

2011-07-29T15:37:00.002-05:00

I have a feeling everyone reading this is also a regular reader of Allison's blog, so you're probably already aware that she tagged me recently to fill out this survey. For those of you who don't read her blog, (a) now you know what this post is going to be about, and (b) what do you have against my sister?! Kidding. But seriously, why would you read mine and not hers? Unless you hate cute babies... that's the only legitimate reason I can think of.

And now let's get this show on the road. The point is for me to link back to past posts of mine that fit under each category. Enjoy!

Most Beautiful Post

This was a tough one because my style is a little more humorous (ok, cynical) than fluffy, so I don't put up a lot of pretty pictures or blog about pretty things. However, we did take a particularly scenic vacation to Vermont back in Fall 2009 to visit my brother and sister-in-law, and many Kodak moments were involved.

Most Popular Post

According to Google Analytics, my most popular post ever (by a landslide) was the one where I showed pictures of our new house... which I find amusing, because it's not like our house is all that spectacular to look at. We do get a lot of compliments on our guest bathroom shower curtain, however, so I'm sure that's it.

Most Controversial Post

Oh, for sure the one where I shared my thoughts on the national debt crisis and the war in Iraq. Just kidding, that never happened. Fittingly, I think my most controversial post was Pardon me while I get political, alternately titled "And here's where I offend some of my readers." Basically it was a short rant about Obama and his position on abortion. If you feel like getting riled up one way or the other, go check it out.

Most Helpful Post

It's a toss-up between A letter to Davis and the recent post wherein I recommended my top 5 favorite DQ Blizzard flavors. I am confident Davis will one day look back at the post and thank me for the invaluable advice. I am also confident that one day even sooner, all of you will look back at the blizzard post and thank me for that invaluable advice. Davis and the general public, you're welcome.

Surprise Success Post

Most definitely the big reveal about our imaginary friends- which was so awesome that it had to be separated into two different posts: You asked for it and The Joiners are insane: Part 2. If you're curious about how any of them are doing, feel free to ask and I would be happy to catch you and the rest of the world up to speed!

Not Enough Attention Post

Don't ask me why I remember this, but I distinctly remember getting zero comments when I blogged about our new Dyson vacuum cleaner. Granted, it was a very short post (I thought people liked those every once in a while?!), but I thought it was semi-witty and I was pretty darn excited about that new vacuum. To make myself feel better, I just told myself everyone was just too jealous to comment.

Proudest Post

I was pretty proud of our decision to take a leap of faith and leave our old church to join our friends in planting a new one. I was also pretty proud that I was able to go 3 months without talking about it (until I was finally able to solve the mystery publicly)!

So there you have it. I now tag all of you to do the same... and yes, Erika, that includes you!

Things you need to know... and I'm using the term "need" loosely here

2011-07-25T19:06:00.005-05:00

1. I went to a Mexican restaurant today (Pappasito's, to be exact) and did not eat ONE. SINGLE. TORTILLA. CHIP. I don't think this has ever in my life happened before, so I think I deserve a reward. Like a basket of tortilla chips.

2. We started a new fertility treatment cycle (Femara again). I actually went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago for the initial "ok now what?" appointment, but didn't blog about it because I wasn't quite prepared for everyone to be anxiously anticipating our next move and asking how things are going and when I go to the doctor next.

Don't get me wrong- I greatly appreciate that people care enough to ask, but sometimes it just adds to the frustration when I don't have good news to report, or even when I just have to repeat the same neutral news over and over again, because I start to feel like a self-indulgent broken record.

So with that said, you are of course welcome to check in (and please, please keep praying!), but just don't be surprised if I don't document every appointment or follicle scan, for fear of having to relive the last nightmare of a cycle all over again.

3. Speaking of infertility, I got to meet my blog BFF last week in REAL life! Sadly, she and her cute husband, Matt, are also fertility-challenged. But thankfully, she also has a sense of humor and knows how to laugh about it. And perhaps most importantly, I can whine and complain to her about how discouraged, left out, or infuriated I feel without having to explain myself.

Here is a picture as proof of our meeting, but please keep in mind that it is not a cute picture of me. Oh, and please also keep in mind that Erika's skin is approximately 8,000 times darker than mine, but she still claims to be white... not sure if I believe her.

I should also note that when I met her, I was for some reason surprised to find out that she had a little bit of a Georgian accent (though she denies this)! She lives in Georgia, so I'm not sure why this surprised me, but I guess her voice just didn't sound how I expected it in my head. Blog friends are funny that way, I suppose!

Regardless, we had a great time meeting them and hope we're able to do it again one day... although preferably next time we will both have pregnant stomachs or babies in tow!

Oh, and I also got to meet Allison's blog BFF, Jenni! It was sadly very brief, but I'm looking forward to hanging out with her again next time I make it back to Austin!

4. My nephew (along with his 4 cousins) is officially the cutest baby in the world. Here is proof:

5. I am becoming a professional baby shower hostess. I have hosted 4 of them in

the past 7 months, 2 of which were over the past 2 weekends. Are baby showers hard for me? Yes. Listening to my friends swap baby stories and having to answer "not yet" when people that I don't know or haven't seen in a while ask if Brian and I have any kids yet is not easy.

BUT they are most definitely worth it. I really do enjoy celebrating this exciting time for my friends, and I am thankful that they are all so sensitive to my situation. Plus, I really like eating all the food :)

6. The high today in Seattle was 67 degrees. SIXTY SEVEN. As in 35 degrees cooler than the high in Houston. It is safe to say that our anniversary trip can't come soon enough!

And that is all. I'll be back soon with more essential information for you about my life, no doubt. Until then, have a great week!

PS- For those of you that were ~~not frightened away~~ amused by my last post, you might be interested to learn that BD is attending VBS this week. You didn't think a preacher's kid would get away with going an entire summer without going to VBS, did you?

Keeping up with BD

2011-07-20T19:52:00.003-05:00

Sorry, peeps. I missed my Tuesday posting. I was, like, REALLY busy after work watching America's Got Talent (yes, again) and looking at facebook. It's amazing I find the time to do anything, really.

Tonight, however, I am enduring some dumb show about a guy in Louisiana who owns a gun shop while waiting for America's Got Talent to come on again. What is my problem? That show is not even good and for most of the acts, the opposite of the show's title is actually true. And yet I cannot turn away.

I'm sure that you have all been dying to know what's been going on with our imaginary friends, and being that I haven't updated you in a while, I thought it necessary to share. There is really not much to report for any of them except Baby Dinosaur, who has undoubtedly been the most active this summer.

First, he attended a baseball camp put on by the Astros at Minute Maid Park. Impressive, right? All of his current favorite 'stros were there, but more importantly, his daddy's old favorite, Buddy Bell, also made an appearance. He even got a ball signed by all of the most famous Astros. I took a picture, but sorry, I can't upload it because it's not real.

The next week, believe it or not, U2 (yes, the band) put on a music camp in Rosenberg. Hard to believe that they would come to the 'berg and not to Houston (ok, hard to believe they would put on a music camp that 8-year-old dinosaurs could attend at all, but that is not the point), but it's true. He got to practice his guitar skillz and even put on a concert with the band at the end of the week. I'm sure some of the songs they performed together will be up for sale on iTunes in the very near future, so be sure to keep an eye out.

Obviously BD was a little exhausted after two action-packed camps, so he took the next two weeks off. No rest for the weary, though, because he was back at it this past Monday when he attended his first day of cooking camp at our local HEB. For those of you that are curious (translation: shocked to believe I am still writing about BD's summer camp agendas), they made pizza on Monday, burgers on Tuesday, and shrimp po'boys today. No, he does not bring home leftovers. In fact, when I asked him about whether or not he would be bringing anything home for dinner, he reminded me that he is a growing dino and therefore leaves no bites uneaten. Bummer for us (except for today... shrimp po'boys sound repulsive).

So there you have it. I can only hope that our real children have summers this exciting one day... and that we are wealthy enough to keep up with their extracurricular activities, of course.

PS- I can also only hope that our children are this cute one day... check out Brian's baseball trading card from back in the day...

TGIF

2011-07-15T15:24:00.003-05:00

Whoa, watch out, I'm breaking the Tuesday tradition and bringing you this ~~random assortment of inconsequential thoughts~~ blog post on a Friday! You can thank my job and Brian's temp job for this unexpected treat because I generally have a lot of free time to fill between when I get off of work on Fridays (11:30 am) and when he gets off of work (6 pm).

First off, Kimmie commented on my last post asking me to share my top 5 favorite DQ Blizzard flavors with you all. If you ask, you shall receive, so allow me to share:

1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup - This is by far my favorite, primarily because Reese's PB cups are my favorite candy. So it's an obvious winner.

2. Oreo - This is a classic, and although a little on the boring side, I think you'll all agree (unless you're dumb) that you can really never go wrong with an Oreo-flavored dessert.

3. Oreo Cookie Jar - For those of you that are a little more adventurous, this one combines Oreos AND chocolate chip cookie dough... so basically it is taking perfection and improving upon it.

4. Midnight Truffle - This one is very high on the chocolatey scale, and therefore awesome.

5. Tagalong - Made using the Girl Scout cookie favorite, this one sadly is seasonal and can't be found year-round. A true tragedy.

So there you have it. I'm sure you are probably a little disappointed because there isn't much variety in my list (did you notice the common theme of chocolate and peanut butter?), but it's my blog and my list, and therefore you'll just have to live with it.

Also, if you check out the standard Blizzard menu online here, you'll notice that they are divided into 4 groups: (1) Candy Cravers, (2) Chocoholics, (3) Cookie Lovers, (4) Fruit Fans.

You will notice that (a) the first 3 all start with the letter 'C' and (b) all 5 of my favorites are from the first 3 groups. I didn't even bother looking at the "Fruit Fans" section because I am a firm believer that fruit ruins dessert. Seriously, what is the point of getting dessert if you are going to disgrace it by mixing in bananas or, worse, pineapples? Trust me on this one: just say no to fruity desserts.

Also, as long as we (I) are (am) sharing lists, allow me to share a list of things that have irritated me as of late:

1. Wearing pants in the summer - In case you're confused, I don't mean to say that I prefer to prance around wearing only a shirt and underwear from May-August (although that's not a terrible idea...), but rather, I prefer skirts or dresses. I. HATE. SWEATING. Ok let me rephrase that - I hate sweating whenever I am wearing anything other than a swimsuit or workout clothes. And sadly, I can't wear either to work, so any time I wear pants to work in the summer, you can guarantee that after the car ride home, I am disgustingly sweaty and uncomfortable. And hungry, but that's unrelated.

2. Trains - Much like sweating, I HATE TRAINS. Specifically trains that come to a complete stop for extended period periods of time in the middle of the intersection that allows me to get to/from our neighborhood.

Ok so there are only 2 things on that list. In reality, the list of things that irritate me on a daily basis would probably last for about 237 pages, but I don't want you all to know how terrible I really am, so I will stop there.

On another unrelated note, there is a car service place in Richmond called "Big Twin Service." Every time I drive by it, I get an image in my head of morbidly obese versions of Allison and myself fixing cars for people. Try to picture that without laughing.

And lastly, I'll leave you with yet another reason why being married to me is the hardest job on earth/my husband is better than yours:

I had a very crazy and stressful morning at work today, and instead of leaving at the normal time (11:30 am as mentioned above), I didn't end up leaving until 1 pm. Normally on Fridays, I stop at HEB and do our grocery shopping after work and still make it home to eat lunch by 12:30 or 12:45.

Being that I was grumpy and hungry enough to eat my purse, I called Brian and gave him the heads up that I was going to go straight home, and asked if he would mind if we just went to the store together tonight or tomorrow morning instead. His response was something to the effect of, "Sure, that's fine. Any plans for the rest of the afternoon?"

But what I HEARD was, "Sure, that's fine if you want to be lazy and worthless. So just to make sure, you're going to sit around looking at facebook and watching Say Yes to the Dress all afternoon instead of going to the store, right?"

And what I WANTED to hear was, "Of course! You had a hard day- go home and rest and we'll go together tomorrow."

So I threw a mini-tantrum, back-sassed him, hung up, and drove home. I felt guilty a little while later and e-mailed him to apologize, so don't worry, I'm not the worst wife in the world (close, though).

Well just now I got an e-mail from him offering to go on his way home and asking me for the grocery list. Isn't he the greatest? Don't worry, I gave him an out and told him he really didn't have to go by himself, but I think he's going to anyway, and even if he doesn't, the point is that he offered. After I was a big brat, at that.

So there you have it.

And now I bet you're wishing I would go back to just blogging on Tuesdays so you wouldn't have to waste your Friday afternoon on this, but I'm afraid it's too late. Have a good weekend!

Weekly check-in

2011-07-12T18:39:00.003-05:00

So in case you haven't noticed, I have started this cool, new trend of only blogging once a week. And apparently Tuesdays are the magical day- lucky you!

Because I have always prided myself in being the antithesis of a slacker, this obviously nags at me and makes me feel like a disappointment. But then I make myself feel better by telling myself that my lack of posting makes me seem more mysterious (because I'm so discreet and private...), and that usually helps me make it through the next 6 days without feeling too terrible about not posting anything new.

Also, I am kind of at that point lately where I am tired of hearing myself think, so I feel like I'm doing you all a favor by not making you hear it either. You're welcome. In the first year or so of our pursuit of parenthood, I felt like I was learning and experiencing a lot of new things and so I had a lot to share. But either because we are on this mini-break, or maybe because I just haven't had a good pep talk lately (unless you count the most recent time that someone reminded me of how young I am and how there's no rush- super helpful), I am just feeling like there is really nothing new to say about our situation.

We're still not pregnant. And it still feels like everyone else is. And I KNOW that life is not a race and blah blah, but I still feel more and more behind every time I open up facebook or hear from a friend of a friend that Becky Sue, who got married 12 seconds ago, is on baby #7 (or 2).

I'm not sure there is really much point to this post other than for me to whine because I feel like in not talking about it for the past few weeks, people might think I am doing well, when in fact, I am still a mess. Just a reasonably high-functioning mess :).

So that's that. In other exciting news, I ate cereal for dinner tonight because Brian is out watching some sporting event with some friends (you're welcome for the specifics). Eating cereal for dinner used to be a fairly common occurrence in my pre-marriage days, but it only happens once in a blue moon these days, so sadly I kind of considered it a treat. Does it make my life pathetic that I consider eating Multi-Grain Cheerio's twice in one day to be a treat? Do I care?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to watching America's Got Talent and counting down the days until we leave for Seattle, aka: the land where the temperature gets nowhere NEAR 100 degrees. Ever. (23 days and some hours, for the record)

Hasta la pasta, friends!

Life lessons from the Backstreet Boys and more

2011-07-05T19:12:00.004-05:00

First of all, can I just confess that I am currently participating in THIRTEEN games of Words with Friends? I'm not sure what is wrong with me- maybe it's my tendency to go all out when I commit to something, but I need to cut back because I think it is starting to take up a little too much of my time and mental capacity.

And speaking of going all out when I commit, in case you didn't notice on my facebook page, Dairy Queen is currently giving the Blizzard Fan Club members that recruit the most people to join the Fan Club the chance to win free blizzards for a YEAR. I know, hard to believe, but it's true! And as you might have also seen on facebook, I declared that getting free DQ blizzards for a year comes in a close second to having a baby on my list of life goals. So please do me a favor and click on this link and join the club. You will not regret it (neither will I).

I also wanted to point out on a completely unrelated note that my older sister has recently started a blog. Now let me warn you about a couple of things:

1. It is nothing like mine and Allison's blogs.
2. You will not enjoy it if you don't have a sense of humor.

For some of you, it might serve as effective (FREE) birth control, because her stories about life with 4 children under the age of 7 will certainly terrify you a little. But because my desperation for a child has made me delusional, the fact that she has featured MULTIPLE posts about her youngest son pooping on the kitchen floor has not deterred me in my quest to mommyhood one bit. Blind determination at its finest.

So anyway, be sure to check it out.

Moving along, I somehow failed to mention this, but I had the honor and privilege of attending the recent NKOTBSB concert in Houston and it is safe to say that it changed my life. My friend, Katie, was kind enough to invite me to join her and her high school friends and for that, I will forever be indebted to her (she, too, recently started a blog, by the way!).

I was a little too young to fully appreciate NKOTB when they were popular back in 1989, but thankfully I still recognized most of their songs. And the songs that I didn't recognize provided the perfect opportunity for me to rest my lungs while gearing up for the next BSB song.

In case you have forgotten, I really, really, REALLY love the Backstreet Boys. And even though I recently turned 28 and had a few "senior moments" at the concert (ie: plugging my ears when the screaming was too loud and struggling to keep my eyes open after 10 pm), being at the show and singing along to "I Want it That Way" made me feel like I was 15 again. And even though I have never been one of those people that constantly wishes I could go back in time and be younger again, being at the concert reminded me how SIMPLE life was at 15. And even though I really am thankful for my current, slightly more complicated life, it was nice to remember that such a time did exist... and that it was, at one point, possible for me to go a day without thinking about wanting a baby :)

On the topic of wanting a baby, I sadly have no updates to report. We more or less decided to take the last month off, and it has been very refreshing, but in the last couple of days, I have noticed the jealousy and anxiety start to creep back in. So for right now, we are trying to figure out what's next without just having a knee-jerk reaction to my impatience and desire to speed things along. I'll be sure to keep you posted!

More rantings from an irrational wife

2011-06-28T19:50:00.005-05:00

So Brian preached at church this past Sunday, and in my humble opinion, did an excellent job. Towards the end, he was talking about being discerning in our love for God, and he used our relationship as an illustration. His point was that when you love another person, you change your behavior to do what pleases that person.

Using himself as an example, he said that he shaves more often now than before we were together because he knows that I like it when his face is smooth and free of scruff. Using me as an example, he brought up a pair of gray "sweatpants" that I allegedly have stopped wearing because he once told me he found them unattractive.

I found the illustration amusing and certainly understood the point he was making, but because I enjoy being argumentative, I made sure to clarify for everyone at the end that (a) they are NOT sweatpants, and (b) they are not that unattractive.

First of all, the pants in question are grey cotton capri pants that I got from Old Navy in college. When I imagine sweatpants, I imagine something like these:

Elastic waist, tapered legs, and elastic ankles. My capri pants, on the other hand, flared a little at the calves and were at least somewhat fitted.

Regardless, I wore them to work out in when it wasn't warm enough for shorts or cold enough for full pants, but because they were loose and comfortable, I also wore them to lounge around the house in. And apparently my husband found them repulsive.

We bantered back and forth about the pants after church at lunch, and I made sure to point out to everyone that Brian had his own pair of hideous gray sweatpants that were infinitely more unattractive. And to settle the score, I informed everyone that we would go home and have a photo shoot with both sets of sweatpants and let everyone else vote on which pants were worse. As you might be aware, I don't usually enter contests unless I'm fairly confident I'll win them, so I was sure I had this one in the bag.

So tonight, we held our photo shoot... or attempted to anyway. Brian went first and I took a couple of quick pictures of him modeling his pants. Then it was my turn. After approximately 8 failed pictures, I insisted Brian was intentionally sabotaging the photo shoot by taking pictures from unattractive angles. I had him try again, and again, and again, and still the pictures were unflattering. And suddenly it dawned on me- my pants made me look terrible!

But because I am a female and therefore sometimes immune to reason, rather than laughing and admitting that Brian was, indeed, right about the pants, I began to pout and declared that the pictures proved only one thing- that I am fat. And that in declaring them to be unattractive, he was clearly just implying that he thinks I look fat, too. Smart husband that he is, Brian argued with me and insisted that the pants were simply unflattering, but the damage had already been done.

And so what had started as a harmless, good-natured competition quickly spiraled into me throwing myself a (thankfully short-lived) pity party and slinging unfounded accusations. Isn't it impressive how I can turn my blind stubbornness around and turn him into the bad guy like that? He's so lucky to have me, I know :)

So unfortunately for all of you, I will not be sharing the pictures. In fact, I deleted them and promptly threw the pants in the giveaway pile so that someone less fortunate can get into an argument with her husband about them in the future. They truly are the gift that keeps on giving!

So congratulations, Brian, you win this one... but don't get used to it because it won't happen again if I have anything to say about it!

Oh, and the rest of you need to go listen to the sermon here ("Philippians 1") because despite my irrational response, it really was great! Enjoy!

Hannah's Hope

2011-06-27T18:13:00.006-05:00

First of all, I know I have been a blog slacker. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Second, I am finally going to share my thoughts on the book that a friend recently recommended to me - Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss. I was admittedly wary when it was recommended to me, because I often find Christian books on specific topics like this to be a little (a) legalistic, (b) cheesy, or (c) both.

And while Hannah's Hope definitely fit into category C, it was still a very encouraging read. Don't get me wrong - Bossy Pants provided me with endless entertainment during my lunch breaks, but it was a nice change of pace to read something that actually gave me a healthy dose of perspective- something I feel like I have been lacking lately.

Anyway, I just want to share a couple of passages from the book. Feel free to skip this post if you aren't interested. But realistically, if you aren't interested, then you probably don't enjoy reading my blog anyway :)

God only gives good gifts, and I am continually learning that He chose to make us infertile because He loves us. He has bigger dreams for us than we even have for ourselves.

Ok yes, I am the first one to admit that this whole ordeal has for the most part, for lack of a better word, sucked, but I am also the first to admit that I have seen a great deal of good come out of it. But to call it a gift? And a GOOD gift at that? And I have also reminded myself a million times that God loves us despite our current circumstances, but to think that He made those our current circumstances BECAUSE He loves us? Am I the only one having a hard time wrapping my brain around these statements?

Hard to believe, yes, but also completely true. So whatever undesirable circumstances you are currently facing, I challenge you, too, to remember that you are going through them because God loves you and not despite the fact that He loves you.

Your fertility challenges hurt this much because . . . you are grieving for your children. God knows this grief personally. He has gone to greater measures to make you His child than you will ever go in the pursuit of growing your own family.

Yes, ultrasounds, medicine, injections, temperature charts, and countless doctor's visits sure do seem like a pretty painful way to go about growing our family, but somehow being reminded that God sent His one and only Son to die in order to call me His child makes what we're going through not seem so unbearable. That's not to belittle the struggle we are facing, but rather to serve as a reminder that He can relate to our pain because He knows exactly what we're enduring (and more)!

And speaking of Jesus...

Jesus asked of His Father that He not be called to face the cross "if it is possible" (Matthew 26:39). Was it impossible for God to prevent the crucifixion? No! He is God and can do whatever He pleases. Was it imperative that God allow it for my sake, even when it was possible for Him to prevent it? Yes! . . . If all is possible with God, yet He chose to say no even to the request of His beloved Son, can I not rest assured that trials that seem unbearable in my life fit much better in His perfect plan than anything I can imagine from my limited viewpoint?

Ok so reading this was really a game-changer for me. I know it ties in with the passages above, but hello! If He didn't prevent the death of His own Son on the cross because He knew the benefit would majorly outweigh the cost, then WHY would He prevent our struggle with infertility, knowing well that the benefit will majorly outweigh the cost in the end for us as well?

Sometimes I am really thick-headed. But this really got through to me and reminded me once more that my viewpoint IS limited and God's is NOT. So what seems like a purposeless form of torture at the moment to me is really just a small piece of the puzzle.

So that's all. I really do hope this provides some encouragement to those of you who are trying to find a purpose for your current season in life. And if you have any other enlightening thoughts, feel free to share.

If you want to provide the suggestion that perhaps God is using infertility to punish us, however, please feel free not to comment :)

So long, Oregon trail

2011-06-21T19:00:00.004-05:00

Apparently all is not lost, because according to my chest x-ray yesterday, I do NOT have tuberculosis. The doctor that I visited for the test, however, seems to think there is still a chance that my latent TB (not contagious, FYI) could eventually turn into active TB, and is therefore not "clearing" me officially.

For the record, there is also a chance that I will give up on turkey sandwiches or start enjoying 100+ degree weather, but if you ask me, neither scenario is likely.

So instead of congratulating me and sending me on my merry way, the nurse that called me this morning referred me to an infectious disease doctor. First of all, am I the only person that didn't realize such a doctor existed? Second, how terrible would it be to have to hang out in a waiting room at such a place? And third, no. I'm not much of a gambler, but I'm going to sit tight and hope that the odds are in my favor, at least until after we've met our lofty goal of procreating.

I am, however, going to request a new placement for the Junior League. From what I understand, the odds of latent TB developing into active TB are pretty slim UNLESS you happen to have a compromised immune system. So my logic would lead me to believe that spending concentrated amounts of time in hospitals and or pediatricians' offices is probably not a great idea.

So anyway, let's consider that hurdle cleared for the time being. And now we can get back to one of my favorite activities: wondering if/when I will ovulate. It was nice to have a break and concentrate on another medical issue for a few days though, wasn't it?

And speaking of distractions, I don't think I mentioned that Brian and I have booked an anniversary trip to Seattle in August! I have spent the last couple of weeks researching and itinerizing (yep, just made that one up), and it actually has been the perfect distraction! The only problem is that, as a result, the trip is more or less already planned and we still have another 6 or so weeks before we're actually going. Such is the life of an over-planner.

I think that's all for now. You probably won't believe this, but I currently have ZERO doctor appointments scheduled at the moment (ok, other than my dental check-up in September), so I honestly don't know what I'll have to talk about for the foreseeable future. Oh, right, I still need to talk about the book (Hannah's Hope, for those that are interested), but I will save that for the next post. Bye for now!

I really wish I was making this up

2011-06-16T19:56:00.003-05:00

So earlier this week, I had the pleasure of getting a TB test. My Junior League placement this year involves reading to children in waiting rooms of various pediatricians' offices, and as such, they wanted to make sure I wasn't going to infect the sick kids (or their well siblings) with any deadly diseases. Inconvenient? Perhaps. But an understandable requirement nonetheless.

I initially tried to get my TB test done at the RediClinic at HEB, hoping to get the process over as quickly as possible, but when I showed up on Sunday, there was a 2-hour wait. And in case you haven't heard, I don't "do" waiting very well, so I made an appointment at an actual doctor's office for Monday instead.

The test was thankfully quick and painless. The Physician's Assistant asked me 8,000 questions about my family medical history and inquired about whether or not I've ever had a chronic cough, etc. Thankfully, other than my reproductive system, I am generally in good health, as is my entire family, so the answer to everything was "no."

After the test, they told me to come back on Wednesday or Thursday to have it read, and sent me on my way. If you'll recall, I was also scheduled to get my bloodwork done on Tuesday to confirm that my HCG levels were back down to zero. But in an effort to miss a minimal amount of work, I moved my bloodwork appointment to this morning and decided to have it done and then get my TB test read immediately after.

So after having my bloodwork done, I scurried over to the other doctor's office and was seated promptly in the waiting room. A few minutes later, I was called back by the nurse.

She opened the door, ushered me in, and because it was supposed to be a quick look, "you're fine," and then a wave goodbye, she examined my arm right there in the hallway. What I was not prepared for, however, was for her to look once, look again, run her finger over the test area, and then, with a concerned look, tell me I needed to follow her back to one of the exam rooms.

Uh oh. This did not seem right. A minute later, she showed up with another nurse and dropped the following bomb on me: "Sorry, I just wanted to grab her so she could get some practice. She's read plenty of negative tests before, but never a positive one."

Um, thanks for finding a tactful way to tell me that I have potentially been infected with an Oregon Trail disease?!

They then pulled out a ruler and a pen and treated me like a science experiment for a few minutes while they examined the small (dime-sized) bump on my arm. Apparently, anything measuring over 10 mm in diameter is cause for concern. Which is why I was definitely concerned when they declared that my bump was 14 mm wide.

I sighed loudly, announced that I hated my life (much to their confusion, I'm sure), and asked what this would mean. They informed me that the PA would be in to see me shortly and would let me know what to do. They abandoned me for 3-4 minutes, during which time I googled the crap out of "positive TB test" and promptly went into panic mode. Sometimes I hate having an iPhone.

The PA walked in, said "Ok let's take a look" and I immediately started crying. And then- in the middle of my blubbering- explained that I have just been having a tough year and that I have been dealing with fertility issues. I even pointed to the bandaid on my right arm and told her that I had literally just left another doctor's office where I had bloodwork done to confirm that my chemical pregnancy was, in fact, finished.

I don't think she was quite prepared for me to unload on her like I did, but she told me not to feel bad and assured me that this wasn't the end of the world. Unfortunately, I did not believe her and continued to cry for the duration of our conversation.

She basically told me that while this does not mean that I have TB, it means that I have at some point been exposed to it (you can really be exposed to it anywhere, but typically it would be in hospitals, airports, other countries, etc.). She then informed me that I would need to have a chest x-ray done, but because of the size of the bump (apparently 15 mm or above means you definitely have to get treatment), that she would recommend that I get treatment regardless of what the x-ray showed (although it would ultimately be my decision).

I then asked what treatment involved, and found out that I would have to take an antibiotic for a minimum of 3 months (possibly up to NINE months). And oh, by the way, it would not be a good idea to get pregnant during that time.

My heart sank. The crying continued. The panic escalated. The poor PA undoubtedly came to the conclusion that I needed to be admitted to a mental institution.

I knew/know that this does not mean I am going to develop TB and die. But all I could think about was the fact that getting treatment would mean MORE medicine, MORE doctor's visits, MORE bills, and MORE waiting.

After talking it over with some people, it sounds like having a "positive" reaction isn't all that uncommon, and a false positive is not entirely unlikely. I am still going to have the x-ray, of course, but unless something obvious shows up, I will probably check in with Dr. C and just see what his advice is. Because no, I don't want to end up with tuberculosis, but I also don't want to go on an antibiotic and further delay baby-making efforts needlessly.

So yes, once again, I am reminded that things can always get worse. Fortunately, I think I am getting really good at handling crappy news, so I am rebounding a little faster than I might have in the past.

With that said, I can't help but feel like I'm being kicked while I'm down. And I can't help but turn my eyes to the Lord and yell (literally), "CAN'T I CATCH A BREAK HERE?!"

Fortunately, I read a really great (Christian) book on infertility recently that provided me with a lot of encouragement. And when I'm feeling a little upbeat and a little less like the sky is falling, I'm going to share it with you.

In the meantime, I'm going to get back to tending to my covered wagon and making sure my oxen haven't been infected. Peace out.

(Side note: Dr. C's office called me back and confirmed that my levels are back down to zero. Hooray. At least now I'm cleared to get the x-ray.)

The latest townie drama

2011-06-15T19:24:00.003-05:00

A few months ago, we received a flyer on our door notifying us that a new pharmacy was opening at the front of our neighborhood. They boasted about their convenient hours, candy and ice cream, and they even claimed that they would be offering delivery for neighborhood residents for a small fee.

I was a little skeptical about going to a brand new pharmacy without an established name, but convenience trumped my concern and as such, I sent Brian, armed with one of my prescriptions, to scope it out one day while I was at work. (On an irrelevant note, he rode his bike over there, which for some reason makes me laugh.)

He reported back that the owner was very nice, but that they were still just getting up and running, so their credit card machine wasn't working yet and they weren't "set up" with any of the insurance companies yet. Why this didn't raise a major red flag for us, I have no idea. Actually, I do have an idea- it's because they distracted us with offers of ice cream and grilled cheese sandwiches. Can you really blame us?

When I went myself to pick up my prescription there a day later, I was a little concerned about how unprofessional the set-up of the store looked, but the medicine looked exactly the same, as did the prescription information sheet that I always get at the "normal" pharmacies. And besides, Brian had brainwashed me (he will argue this fact) to believe that we needed to "support the local business" and urged me to give them a chance because they seemed like such nice people. I know- he's such a townie.

So I took the medicine (Femara), and lo and behold, it was the one time (out of 4) that it didn't work. Rationally, I realize this could have been due to approximately 1 million other factors. Irrationally, I blamed the seemingly shady pharmacy and decided that they probably (a) just gave me sugar pills and charged me for real medicine or (b) stored their medicine improperly and therefore caused it not to work. And because I am also stubborn (dangerous when combined with my irrationality), I swore the new pharmacy off instantly and permanently.

Brian tried to convince me to go back, but being that he has known me for 7+ years and therefore has firsthand knowledge of my stubbornness, he gave up quickly. So for the past month or two, the pharmacy never came up in conversation, until I received an e-mail from my friend, Kristen, last week with a link to this article.

In case you don't feel like clicking (although you should, because I think you'll really appreciate the picture of the owner), allow me to copy and paste:

Authorities have arrested three people in connection with a Fort Bend County pharmacy accused of illegally dispensing prescriptions.

Shantae Shepard Akpaffiong, 38, the owner of River Edge Pharmacy, which opened in February in the 500 block of FM 359 near Richmond, is among those charged.

She is accused of dispensing prescriptions to undercover agents and faces four state jail felony charges.

The pharmacy's manager, Detrel S. Smith, 59, of Sugar Land, has been charged with four counts of possession of a dangerous drug. Its security guard, James Alvin Turner, 37, of Katy, has been charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and violation of the state Private Security Act.

A Fort Bend County narcotics task force made the arrests after an undercover investigation that found numerous illegally dispensed prescriptions and illicit and dangerous drugs at the pharmacy.

Investigators uncovered a large amount of hand-written prescriptions from several Houston-area doctors, including one who has not practiced since mid-2010.

Awesome, right? I'll give you one guess as to which member of our household received a big, fat "I told you so" as soon as this article was read :)

I guess I should be thankful that even if my Femara didn't work, at least it wasn't laced with cocaine or anything, right? And for the record, God, I realize that I can be thick-headed, but if that wasn't our month to get pregnant, don't You think that was sort of an extreme way to tell us "no"?

Anyway, I still have a business card (which looks like it was created by a 4th grader on Paintbrush, for the record) from the apparent drug dealer with her signature on it. I thought about keeping it to see if I can make some money off of it one day if she continues in her life of crime and becomes famous for it. I also thought about the fact that if the police investigated our neighborhood and found the business card in my wallet, I might look kind of suspicious. Tough call, right?

One thing I am kind of bummed about- we recently received a coupon from them in the mail for $1 off their ice cream. I'm thinking about taking it to the police officer that is permanently parked in front of the now closed down store to see if he'll redeem it. I'll let you know how that turns out.

So the lesson for the day, kids, is to be careful where you buy your (legal) drugs. And don't buy illegal drugs at all. Oh, and don't allow your judgement to be skewed by ice cream. That is all.

I'm a prophet!

2011-06-10T16:54:00.005-05:00

Newsflash: It has been 10 years since I graduated from high school. I was pretty sure this day (year) would never come, but I also distinctly remember getting a "Class of 2001" t-shirt in 5th grade, and also being fairly certain that my high school graduation would never come, so apparently I am pretty cynical.

Anyway, apparently at one of our friend's graduation parties, we answered some questions and the hostesses said they would seal them in envelopes and send them to us 10 years later. I somehow completely forgot about this (oh, I don't know, maybe because it was a DECADE ago), but my memory nazi of a sister did, indeed, remember the promise and recently asked our friend if we would still be getting those letters.

And that, my friends, is the reason why I found an envelope in our mailbox today labeled "Amanda Nelson" (in very girly high school handwriting) with my new last name and current address added to it. Allison and some of the other girls that were in attendance got theirs earlier this week and were actually exchanging posts on facebook about their answers. It was obvious that there was a "what will your life be like in 10 years?" question in there, and all of the friends exchanging answers were remarking that their predictions about being married with kid(s) had turned out to be mostly accurate.

I admittedly cringed upon reading their exchanges, dreading having to open mine, read that I expected to be married with 2 kids by now, and then immediately stick it in the shredder and spend the rest of the night sobbing my way through a DQ blizzard.

But alas, I was wise beyond my years and apparently that wisdom saved the day because my answer to that question was: "I'll be married to a hot guy (check!), no kids yet (sadly, check!), a lawyer (guess I got over that ambition), living in Texas (check!), volunteering with kids some (check!)."

A few thoughts:

1. I'm glad that I qualified "some" at the end of "volunteering with kids"... as if I didn't want to set myself up for failure by saying "a lot" or something.

2. I realize that this is just a silly game we played at the end of high school, but to me, it is also a very clear example of God's mercy AND the fact that He always has a plan in mind for us. I know this seems trite, but to think that God knew I would be going through this trial right now and that in His wisdom, He prompted me to write down "no kids yet," therefore protecting me from added pain and disappointment 10 years down the road, is really amazing to me. That's not to say that He would be any less wise or merciful had I written "married with 3.5 children," but the fact that I didn't is a reassuring reminder that not only did He know then what His plan was for my life, but He still knows now!

Anyway, I also wanted to share a few of my other answers. #1-5 were about high school memories. Brian will undoubtedly have a good laugh about #4, wherein I declared that my Biology teacher was "purely evil" because she gave me my only B. But for the record, I still think it was completely unfair and I deserved an A. :)

After #6 (what I expected my life to be like in 2011), I guess I had to list in #7 what I hoped or thought would be true of the world- "less traffic, cure for cancer, woman President! (me! ha ha)" Wrong on all counts, so maybe I'm not a prophet after all.

And lastly, in #8, I guessed that I would end up with 3-4 kids, and my proposed boy and girl names were "Jake" and "Kathryn," neither of which are any of interest to me today.

So that was a fun trip down memory lane indeed- anyone else do something similar during your senior year of high school?

PS- There's still no one like '01, baby.

Alive and well... ok, alive and better

2011-06-08T18:14:00.003-05:00

Wow. So when I wrote that last post on Friday, I think I had somehow convinced myself that I was handling the situation very well and was coping quite nicely. But about an hour later, when I found myself crying face down on the desk in front of the computer, I realized that I might have been mistaken.

I spent the rest of the day much like that- crying off and on for no particular reason (although I did eventually move to the couch- progress?) until Brian came home. Saturday morning was more or less the same, and I think you could say the low point was when I was sobbing on the floor of our bathroom and telling Brian that I couldn't remember the last time I was actually happy. Sounds overly dramatic, I know, but sadly, I was completely serious.

At some point during my seemingly incurable fits of sadness, I was reminded of the fact that the pregnancy hormones - though at a low level- were still in my body. And although I am not normally one to blame bad behavior on hormones, I think it is a safe assumption that they played at least a small role in my emotional instability.

Thankfully, my endlessly patient husband came to my rescue during the crying-on-the-bathroom-floor-episode and helped pull me out of my pit of despair. He denied my request to eat peanut butter M&M's for lunch, however, and insisted that I instead eat a normal lunch and have the M&M's for dessert... boring, right? :)

In the meantime, Allison had text messaged him and suggested that, in an effort to cheer me up, he take me to see Bridesmaids and then go buy me a new dress. Ha- I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she knows me so well! The movie was pretty stupid, but a welcome distraction (as was the bucket of popcorn), and even though I didn't end up with a new dress, we still got to do a little shopping and I ended the day feeling much better than when I started it.

I have been feeling progressively better, although I am still not quite to the point where I am ready to be optimistic again. I am somewhere between "maybe we should just throw in the towel for a while" and "the thought of going back to the doctor doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out," so I suppose that's a step in the right direction.

And now I need to shift gears completely and recap my 28th birthday, because (a) I left you hanging after the last post and (b) I would like to end on a positive note.

The day really was great- Brian kicked it off by delivering flowers to me at my office. I did have to go get bloodwork that morning, but thankfully I had lunch with my co-workers and random birthday greetings coming my way to help distract me while I waited for the call back from the nurse. She called late that afternoon to tell me the "good news" about my hormone levels, so although my brain officially left the building after that for the remainder of the day, I was at least able to think happy thoughts.

But let's back up a little to lunchtime.

While I was at lunch, I got a call from an unrecognized 1-800 number, so I let it go to voicemail. I checked the message on the way back to my office, however, and learned that it was our credit card's fraud department calling to ask me about some potentially suspicious activity. Well isn't that special.

I hurriedly called back into the automated system, and after entering my information, the computer voice asked me to verify the latest charge - $5.17 at a fast food restaurant. At first I thought this must be some dumb joke, because why on earth would they call me about a $5 charge? The next thought that came to my mind, however, was, "Wait a minute... Brian said he was taking his lunch to work today! And he KNOWS we have already gone over in our eating out budget for the month, so why would he go out to lunch? Especially on my birthday when he knows it would make me mad?!"

At that point, I had to set my rage aside because an actual person came on the line and told me she wanted to go over the last couple of charges with me. Rather than bring up the fast food charge again, however, she asked me if I had spent a rather sizable sum of money at Best Buy about an hour earlier. For a split second, I was nervous that someone really had stolen our card, until the light bulb went on and I remembered that I had not seen any record of Brian having purchased a birthday present for me prior to that day.

I politely informed the woman that I didn't personally charge that amount, but it did happen to be my birthday, so it was highly possible that my husband did. She immediately apologized and said she was embarrassed and would call my husband right away. Well guess who didn't answer the phone when they called him the first, second, or third time? And then guess who didn't answer the phone when I called MYSELF the first or second time? And now guess who was in BIG trouble with the birthday ~~psycho~~ girl?

Eventually, I got a hold of Brian and when I asked if he had charged that amount at Best Buy that day, he sheepishly replied with, "It's possible..." You would think I would let it go at this point, but because I am highly irrational 95% of the time, I then began to interrogate him about why he had charged $5.17 at Chick Fil A and asked why he insisted on making me angry on my birthday.

Apparently, he had asked our friend (with whom he carpools) to drive him to the Best Buy during lunch and offered to buy him lunch to repay him for the favor. And in case you're worried about why he didn't buy my gift until that day, please see above note about how I admitted to not having seen any record of him making a birthday purchase. Someone in our house likes to obsessively keep up with our spending online, and her name is not "Brian." Or "Buster" or "Noah," in case you were wondering.

So yes, I was admittedly upset about the extra eating out hit to our budget, but I was also upset at this point because the amount of money and the place he spent it more or less gave away what my gift was going to be, which Brian clearly had intended to be a surprise.

Thankfully, I got over it fairly quickly and we then spent the rest of the day joking about how excited I was to get my new toaster oven, vacuum cleaner, or even better, my new collection of games for the Wii! And even more thankfully, when I opened my gift from him at dinner that night, it did not end up being any of those things, but instead was an iPad!

And even though it was ever so slightly above our agreed upon $75 birthday gift budget (I know, will she shut up about the budget already?!), I was still excited and thankful for such a generous gift. I should mention, by the way, that we went to dinner with some friends, and they also gave me an assortment of other generous gifts, so all in all, I was pretty spoiled that day.

Also, the day ended with a cheeseburger, sweet potato fries, gelatto, and a round of my favorite birthday game*, so regardless of any mishaps earlier in the day, I think you'll agree that the day was a success. And even though the bad news we got 2 days later put a damper on my birthday week, I am thankful that the actual day remained for the most part unscathed.

*The "birthday game," as I call it, basically entails everyone going around and saying his/her favorite thing about the birthday boy/girl. And rather than get me a card this year, Brian came up with SIX of his favorite things about me (to the acronym of "AMANDA") and shared them with the group. Isn't he great?

Over before it began

2011-06-03T13:32:00.003-05:00

Lesson learned: Never, ever tell yourself that things couldn't possibly get worse.

A lot has happened since the traumatic events of last Friday, and not just my 28th birthday (which will get a separate post of its own)! I sent an e-mail yesterday that best sums up what happened, so rather than re-write about it, I'm just going to share that with you if that's ok:

As I think you all know, I started what I assumed was my period last Friday. We were obviously upset that yet another cycle had failed, but pulled ourselves together and prepared to do another round of treatment. However, all weekend I noticed that I wasn’t feeling quite right. I thought it was highly unlikely that I would be pregnant given the fact that I was bleeding, but you are not supposed to take Femara if there is even a chance that you are pregnant because it can be harmful for the baby, so I decided to take a test on Monday morning just in case.

And it was positive.

This was obviously very confusing, and being that it was Memorial Day, I had to call the after-hours line for my doctor’s office. She told me not to take the Femara and to make an appointment first thing Tuesday morning for bloodwork. So I went in on Tuesday morning (my birthday) for bloodwork, and got a call that afternoon letting me know that my HCG levels did, in fact, confirm that I was pregnant—they were at 91 (which is normal that early).

However, they said that I would need to come back in 2 days later (Thursday) for another test to make sure the levels were rising (they are supposed to double every day in the first few weeks of pregnancy). So 48 long, long, long hours later (and still having told no one at this point besides Allison & Wade who were at the house when I took the first test), I went in on Thursday morning for a second test.

And my levels have dropped all the way to 25.

This basically means I had what is known as a chemical pregnancy—it is not a “false” pregnancy… it is basically a super early miscarriage. Because some of my friends have gone through chemical pregnancies, I was prepared that this might be the case, and knew that the bleeding was not a good sign. Obviously, we had our hopes up. So of course, this is a pretty big disappointment.

I have to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks (on the 14^th) for more bloodwork to make sure my levels have gone back down to 0. Then we just have to wait and see if I have another period (or take progesterone to make me start if I don’t on my own) before we can try any more treatment.

We know that it is a positive thing that we made it one step closer… at least we got a fertilized egg this time. But at this point, it just seems like a slap in the face. I really thought it couldn’t get worse and I couldn’t be more discouraged than I was last Friday, but sadly, I was wrong.

So that’s where we are. Sorry for not telling you all about this earlier… we just didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up (including ours), so we thought it would be best to not say anything until we had the results from today.

Your prayers are appreciated and your support and encouragement mean the world to us. Just wanted to keep you all in the loop.

I hate re-reading that because I just feel like it sounds very mopey and depressing. But mopey and depressing is probably a pretty accurate way to describe my demeanor for the past 1.5 years, so I'm not sure why it's bothering me now!

We are trying our best to pick up the pieces and put our game faces on for the next cycle- I'll give you one guess as to who is doing a good job of that and who is crying on and off all day and declaring things like, "I HATE EVERYTHING IN LIFE!"

I am trying not to dwell on the fact that we don't really even know how long we'll have to wait for the next cycle to start. I am also trying to look at this as a step in the right direction rather than 800 steps backward. Sometimes that is harder to remember than others.

So anyway, that's that. I am still not feeling so hot, and I got approximately zero hours of sleep this week (how can you sleep when you are maybe sort of possibly pregnant!?), so we are hoping this weekend will be a restful one and we can have a fresh start next week.

I promise to post about my birthday later, and I also promise it will be good for a laugh, unlike this fun-sucking pity party of a post. So until then, hope your weekends are off to a good start!

28 years (and 9 months) down...

2011-05-31T06:00:00.004-05:00

Yep, that's how long Allison and I have known each other as of today (if you count our time in utero, which we totally do)! In honor of her/our 28th birthday, I wanted to share 28 of my favorite pictures of the two of us- so enjoy, and good luck trying to tell us apart in all of them :)

Happy 28th Birthday, Sissy! Can't wait to celebrate the next 28 together... but after that, you're on your own. :)

The aftermath

2011-05-28T07:43:00.003-05:00

It is safe to say that after I wrote yesterday's post, the day actually got worse. The good news is that eventually it did get better, but from here on out, I would prefer to pretend the first half of the day did not exist.

After getting ready for work (it was a wet bun and glasses kind of day- good thing it was casual Friday!), Brian handed me a CD he had made me the night before so I could listen to it on my way to work. It was coincidentally a bunch of worship songs, and as soon as I popped it into the CD player, the tears came.

I also received a few, "Are you ok?" and "I'm so sorry" texts in the first 2-3 minutes of my drive, prompting me to sob even more uncontrollably. Combine that with the fact that my mom was unreachable (anyone else ever have those "I want my mommy" moments as an adult?), and I was officially a complete mess. And as if that wasn't enough, as I was continuing to drive/cry to work, I noticed at one point that my cheek had developed a spasm and I could NOT get it to stop. Do you have this image in your head yet?

I pulled up to work and tried desperately to pull it together, but somehow getting out of my car and going inside only made it worse, prompting an awkward interaction with our morning security guard, whom I normally make small talk with when I walk in. I just apologized through the tears and said, "I'm sorry- I'm having a bad day. But I hope you enjoy your weekend!" as cheerily as possible. He probably now thinks that I'm manic depressive, so I can't wait to see how he treats me when I go back to work next week.

I also likely scarred my male boss moments later when I was sniffling loudly as I passed his office- he asked me if everything was ok and if there was anything he could do to help. Not wanting him to think I was just being a dumb girl and crying for no reason (and because, as I have mentioned, I have a compulsive over-sharing problem), I politely explained that "my husband and I have been trying to have a baby and are having some trouble," at which point he said, "Oh, ok" and backed out of the room slowly. Wonderful way to start the work day.

I have never been so thankful for a half-day Friday because I was having a very difficult time functioning at all, let alone actually getting anything done. And in the midst of all this, I had to call the doctor. Cue Debbie Downer sound.

Coincidentally, Nurse Goldfish's actual name is Debbie. Anyway, I informed her what happened (to which I got NO sympathy whatsoever), and asked her if she could ask the doctor what our next step should be. She then told me that I would need to come in that afternoon for a scan in order for him to tell me the next step, and said he could see me at 4:50 pm in their office in the medical center (30+ miles from my house).

I told her that really would not work, and asked if she could please just call him to see if he would call in the prescription without having me come in. Her response? "I can ask, but I know he's going to say no." Thanks, jerk.

She offered for me to come in on Monday instead, to which I reminded her that they were going to be closed for Memorial Day. She then suggested I come in on Tuesday (my BIRTHDAY), at which point I started crying. I told her it was my birthday but that if I had to come in, then fine. She then told me, "Oh wait, it looks like he isn't in the Sugar Land office on Tuesday. You'd have to go to the medical center office that afternoon."

Being that I already had an appointment scheduled for Wednesday (originally scheduled for me to have bloodwork done to see if I was pregnant- ugh), I just told her that I would stick with my original appointment, but since it would be too late in the cycle for me to start any meds, that I guessed I would just have to forego treatment for that cycle. To which she responded with, "Ok!

We'll see you Wednesday!" Nurse Goldfish, don't take this the wrong way (ok... do), but you are mean and dumb.

Thankfully, Dr. C recently gave me his e-mail address, so with the urging of my sissy and husband, I sent him an e-mail explaining the situation. He called me back shortly thereafter and said that I could just go into the Sugar Land office that afternoon and get a scan there without meeting with him and he would just call in my prescription. Now was that so hard?!

I thanked him profusely and told him that Nurse Goldfish probably would not be thrilled to see me because she was so rude to me that morning. He explained that she was just trying to follow protocol, blah blah, but clearly he did not realize that I already had made up my mind that she was put on this earth only to test my patience and make me angry.

After giving it some thought, however, I really thought it would be better to actually meet with him, because I knew Nurse Goldfish and/or Robot Nurse would not provide me with any meaningful advice or answers to my questions other than their requisite, "I'm not sure, sometimes that just happens..." So I reluctantly called the office back and asked to go see Dr. C in the medical center that afternoon. And guess what? He had openings at 2:45 and 3:30- NOT just 4:50 pm. I signed up for the 2:45 appointment and then printed out a picture of Nurse Goldfish to make a dartboard out of her face. Not really, but I should have.

I realize this story is getting way too long, so I will try to wrap things up.

Two of my sweet friends took me out for lunch after work, which was far more therapeutic than my original plans (HEB and Wal-mart), and a much better way to pass the time until my appointment. Thankfully, Brian was able to get off of his temp job early and join me for the appointment. Unthankfully, the office is basically in Egypt compared to where we live, and you have to pay for parking there. I call that adding insult to injury.

Dr. C did the scan and we talked about our next options. Our plan for now is another round of Femara (which seems basically like my daily vitamin at this point), but we are going to decide in the next week or so whether or not we want to try IUI this time. The downside is that it's more expensive (but nothing compared to IVF). The upside is that it theoretically increases our odds of getting pregnant by getting "the boys" (yes, I just called them that) closer to where they need to be. I'll have my first scan on day 12, so we basically have 10 days to make a final decision. Advice welcome!

We also talked about my luteal phase issue and he agreed that it would probably be wise for me to take progesterone after I ovulate, which should be an easy fix. So that's that. We left the appointment feeling at least like we had a game plan in mind, and as a bonus, the nurse there did not ask me if I had ever been diagnosed with PCOS or shrug her shoulders when I asked her a question.

We ended the day by running some errands and going out to Gringo's for dinner. A few baskets of chips and a frozen margarita later, I was feeling much more relaxed, for which I could tell my husband was very grateful :)

Once we got home, I took a bath, finished responding to everyone's sweet and encouraging comments/e-mails/etc., and passed out. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready to start a new day. And amen for that.

Oh, and in case you thought I was just being dramatic about that run-in I had with the bed post the night before last, allow me to show you the aftermath:

And on that note, I'm going to go clean up the house for our visitors that are coming today. Hope you all enjoy the Memorial Day weekend!

Not this time

2011-05-27T06:34:00.002-05:00

As of midnight last night, our hopes of being pregnant this time are officially dead. I started spotting yesterday, so I had a hunch this might be coming, but that doesn't mean I was/am any better equipped to handle the news.

As an added bonus, while I was groping my way back to the bed in the dark, I also jammed my thigh into the corner of the bedpost, and at that point, I informed God that we aren't speaking at the moment.

Yes, there is the ever-present silver lining. But I don't want to think about it right now and it isn't making me feel any better. I am just trying to get out of the mode of thinking of fun ways to announce our pregnancy and back into the mode of thinking of fun things we won't get to do with the money we are going to continue spending on treatment. In case you were wondering, this last period cost approximately $600. I know, I know- I can't focus on the cost, but right now, as you might have gathered, I am wallowing.

The other issue weighing on me is the fact that my period came just 9 days after ovulation. I have mentioned before that the phase of your cycle between ovulation and your period is called your luteal phase, and ideally it is supposed to be closer to 14 days, with the "average" for people being somewhere between 10-14 days. Anything less than 10 is typically not good and gives you a lower chance of sustaining pregnancy. Typically adding a progesterone supplement will do the trick, so I guess we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there next time. Assuming there is a next time.

So I'll be giving the doctor a call when they open this morning to give them the latest update. The other hard part is that we more or less have to make a decision today about what we want to do next, because if I am going to take Femara again, I would need to start it on Sunday. Nothing like making important decisions while going on very few hours of sleep and being at the bottom of a pit of despair, right?

Anyway, that's all for now. I will leave you with the lyrics to the latest song that is providing me comfort:

"Arms that Hold the Universe" by Steve Fee

I know it seems
Like this could be
The darkest day you've known
But believe you me
The God of strength
Will never let you go
He will overcome, I know

And the arms that hold the universe
Are holding you tonight
You can rest inside
It's gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea
Is calling you His child
So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go

Through many dangers, toils and snares
You have already come
His grace has brought you safe this far
(And) His grace will lead you home

And the arms that hold the universe
Are holding you tonight
You can rest inside
It's gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea
Is calling you His child
So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go

You can hope, you can rise, you can stand
He has still got the whole world in His hands
You can hope, you can rise, you can stand
He's still got the whole world, the whole world in His hands

And the arms that hold the universe
Are holding you tonight
You can rest inside
It's gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea
Is calling you His child
So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go

He will never let you go

(He's) Still got the whole world in His hands
in His hands, yeah
Still got the whole world in His hands

Anyone else think brains should have an "off" switch?

2011-05-25T17:45:00.001-05:00

It’s official. I have discovered the most difficult task in the world: Simultaneously trying to (1) convince myself I’m pregnant, (2) convince myself I’m not pregnant, and (3) not think at all about whether or not I’m pregnant. Hmm, I wonder why I’ve had that recurring twitch in my eye for the past several weeks?

I hope you’ll excuse my lack of blogging. I am really at a point where I am utilizing my entire mental capacity to simply function at work. And while I would love to devote some of that effort to blogging, it unfortunately does not pay my bills, so alas, work it is.

I have done my best to stay distracted—I really have! We had a visitor last week, and we have more visitors coming this weekend. I went to a wedding shower. I watched a crappy movie (and spent most of it wondering why we didn’t just pop in The Notebook instead). I spent an entire weekend with the cutest 26-day-old on the planet (oh, and his parents). I ate a double fudge chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard AND a bowl of frozen yogurt with cookie dough on top (don't worry- on separate occasions).

And yet still, I have only one thing on my mind.

One of my favorite verses has always been 2 Corinthians 10:5, which says to “take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” This verse has helped me through college break-ups, family issues, stress at work, and countless other potentially all-consuming situations, but it has taken on an entirely new meaning for the past week as I try not to give into the temptation to let my fear, anxiety, and just plain curiosity control me.

So while you likely will continue not to hear much from me over the next week (or couple of weeks), I do hope that you will pray that I would not allow myself to be crippled by the “what ifs” and perhaps worst, the “what if nots.” :)

Until then...

Hard to believe it...

2011-05-23T06:45:00.004-05:00

but this little girl is turning SIX years old today!

17 months (2006)

5.5 years (2010)

I don't have any pictures saved on here from when she was a baby, but trust me when I say that (a) she was as adorable as a baby as she is now, and (b) there were a LOT of pictures taken of her. Guess that happens when you're the first grandchild!

Happy 6th birthday to you, Emma! We love you!

Sorry to have left you hanging!

2011-05-18T19:13:00.003-05:00

I know, my life is such a cliffhanger, right?

Ok so good news, my friends. My follicle-babysitting efforts paid off because I ovulated! Well, at least I am as confident as I can be (without paying exorbitant amounts of money to confirm) that I ovulated.

I didn't get a positive ovulation test on Saturday or Sunday, so on Sunday morning, my wonderful husband got to give me the Ovidrel (trigger) shot in my stomach. I once again acted like a huge baby, complete with tearing up and refusing to actually look in the direction of the syringe (I hate that word).

I also, once again, insisted that Brian put a bandaid over it once he was done, and he also, once again, put the bandaid in the wrong place because there was literally no mark for him to see. And in case you were wondering, yes, I milked it for all it was worth and acted pitiful/disabled for the next 24 (or 48) hours.

My temperature chart confirmed that the shot did the trick, so now we just get to do something I despise with every fiber of my being: wait. And in that time, I am going to to my best to distract myself and think of anything and everything besides the possibility of being pregnant. So go ahead and prepare yourselves for the fact that my blog will not be covering the topic of fertility for the next couple of weeks.

In other news (here's your first dose of fertility-free Meet the Joiners!), I have somehow failed to mention that Brian has landed a temp job for 2 months!

The upside: he has a "normal" schedule for a change, keeps me company while I get ready in the mornings, and is getting paid!

The downside: it's in the Galleria (20+ miles from here) and he doesn't finish until 6 pm... which means I am now the one responsible for picking up the mail, feeding the dogs, and heating up dinner. Boo hiss.

I am trying to enjoy the hour or so of alone time that I have, and making sure to give myself plenty of pats on the back for how resourceful I've been- heck, I even took out the trash tonight! And cleaned the bathroom! Gold star, please? Thanks.

Also, one of my bestest friends in the whole world (from high school) is flying into town tomorrow, and I am pretty pumped about that. She lives on a farm in Maine (no lie) and very rarely makes it back to Texas, but since we have a friend's wedding shower to attend in Austin this weekend, she decided to fly into Houston first so she could see our house and we could have a little time to catch up.

Unfortunately she will be in town for less than 24 hours, so I won't get to take her on a townie tour. But maybe if she's lucky, we can swing by the snow cone place and pick up some Thug Passion snow cones? Although who am I kidding- if we get dessert, the odds are much greater that we'll hit up DQ.

Oh, and something else I'm also pumped about? Getting to see baby Davis while I'm in Austin this weekend! Oh, and his parents, of course. I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures and share the cutest ones with you. You're welcome.

Until next time, friends!

PS- Have I said "thank you" recently for all of your support, encouragement, and prayers? In case I haven't, THANK YOU!!!

Houston, we have two follicles!

2011-05-14T09:56:00.002-05:00

Yes, that's right, friends. Not only were the two dominant follicles still there at yesterday's appointment, but they had both grown! One was measuring 18 mm and one was measuring 21 mm (insert Hallelujah! chorus here).

I met with Robot Nurse this time, and although she was by no stretch of the imagination personable, she was at least not insulting, and didn't ask me for the 823 millionth time if I have ever been diagnosed with PCOS. She told me that I will need to take another ovulation test today and tomorrow, and if I don't get a positive, then I will need to do the trigger shot on Sunday morning.

So the trigger shot has now been procured (for the small fee of $100), and I am now heading up Operation: Babysit the Follicles. I spent the night at the Children's Museum for the Junior League last night, so even though I kept them up too late, they at least got to sleep on a comfortable air mattress and eat a couple of cookies before bed.

This morning, I took them on a walk to enjoy this beautiful weather, and now they are just going to lay on the couch while Brian has a church staff meeting. Are you amused yet by imagining the follicles doing these things independently of my body? Or creeped out? Probably choice #2, so let's move on.

She took a screen shot of each ovary (presumably for my chart that they apparently never look at), and I was very tempted to ask her if she could print me a copy of the left ovary (or the Chosen One, as I will now call it), but thought that might not go over well. So I suppose I'll just have to settle for the day when we are actually pregnant and get a print-out picture of an actual baby.

The good news is that I am feeling very encouraged and hopeful. The bad news is that with this hopefulness (and transparency on this blog, mind you), comes an even greater possibility for disappointment. Getting excited about the prospect of actually getting pregnant and then "failing" is crushing enough when it's just me and Brian that know about it, so just beware that if things don't work out, a couple of weeks from now you might find me hiding in a hole in the ground with a gallon of ice cream.

The other worry in the back of my mind is that if I do ovulate this weekend as expected, I should be finding out whether or not our efforts were successful 2 weeks from now. Guess what is also two weeks from now- my birthday. So this could either be the greatest birthday present of all time OR an excuse to eat an extra piece (or 12) of birthday cake in order to drown my sorrows.

So I am going to selfishly ask for your prayers once more- please join us in praying for proper timing, for the next couple of weeks to go by quickly, and for good news when all is said and done. And just to be on the safe side, please also go ahead and pray that if we don't get pregnant, I would remember that God is still God and God is still good. Amen!

Good news!

2011-05-11T18:08:00.000-05:00

I just saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to Geico!

That's actually not true. We use All State.

But anyway. My appointment with Dr. C went well today! I use the term "with Dr. C" loosely because he wasn't there. Was I annoyed? Yes. Is there anything I can do about it now? No. So let's focus on the positive.

I was not seen by Robot Nurse this time, although truthfully, I am having a hard time deciding if she might be the better option between the two nurses. The one I did see is friendlier and has a better bedside manner, BUT I am completely serious when I say that she is a box of rocks.

She asked me AGAIN today if I have ever been diagnosed with PCOS. Seriously. Maybe I will start referring to her as Nurse Goldfish because she cannot seem to retain any information. Either that, or she is illiterate. Or just completely unwilling to read my chart.

She also asked me if we were doing insemination, and when I said no, she said, "Oh, well that's what's written on your chart." Ok you caught me, lady, I am lying to try and get out of insemination because I'm not really all that interested in getting pregnant. When I said that the doctor hadn't recommended insemination yet, she said, "Ok no biggie, we can just change that on the chart." Great. Thank you for instilling my utmost confidence in you and this process.

Anyway, she did the scan and the first good news was that my uterine lining is "nice and thick." I never imagined growing up that I would be so flattered by hearing that kind of compliment, but nowadays, I'll take what I can get.

She checked my right ovary first and found something like 19 little follicles, which is not a good sign. I took a deep breath in an attempt to keep from panicking/screaming/crying and didn't exhale until a minute later when she checked my left ovary and found not one, but TWO 16 mm follicles!

As a review, your follicles need to be around 20 mm before you can ovulate, and they generally grow 1-2 mm each day. In the past (when the treatment hasn't worked) they have never gotten any bigger than 11-12 mm. So the good news is that the medicine is working!

I am supposed to go back on Friday to get another scan, and depending on what size they are (they should be between 18-20 mm at that point), I will then do an Ovidrel trigger shot to make sure I release the egg(s). This is the fun one that Brian gets to give me in my stomach- he's such a lucky guy, don't you think?

SO my two biggest prayer requests are:

1. That both of those follicles would grow like weeds. Like cute little future fetus weeds, that is.

2. That the timing would work out perfectly with the scan on Friday and the trigger shot so that I don't take it too early/too late.

Oh, and one more tiny request: that we would get pregnant!

And on that note, I'm off to heat up dinner and enjoy the sound of rain outside. Yes, you read that correctly- it's raining in Southeast Texas. Today is full of all kinds of surprises, isn't it?

I could make some therapist very wealthy...

2011-05-09T19:12:00.002-05:00

I have shared before that our battle with infertility has made me more self-absorbed than I ever thought possible. It is a constant struggle for me to stop feeling sorry for myself (or just plain stop thinking about myself) long enough to remember that (a) there are other people on this earth and (b) my problems are not the only problems.

So it should come as no surprise to you that I am devoting a post to how the arrival of baby Davis has affected me :) But I do want to start out by clarifying that no matter how hard it was/is to go through, I love that little baby boy like he's my own and am sincerely overfilled with joy for his mommy and daddy.

With that said, it was hard. And it continues to be hard. Seeing other people/friends/family being pregnant and having babies is difficult, but it's safe to say that seeing your mirror image experience something you want so badly yourself but can't yet have is getting-punched-in-the-stomach painful. As in there were literally moments during the weekend of his arrival that I had to take a deep breath and remind myself to continue breathing.

It almost feels like you are watching a movie of your own life without actually getting to participate in it. Wait, scratch that- it's like watching a movie of your own life wherein you only get to participate in the crappy parts and then your identical stunt double gets to step in for all the good parts. Yes, that's more like it.

One of the things that was harder than I anticipated was watching Wade's parents' enthusiasm for being first-time grandparents. Brian's mom and dad are undoubtedly going to rival Franny and Pop Pop (my parents) for the greatest grandparents of all time, and even though I know they don't hold even an ounce of resentment towards us, I couldn't help but feel guilty that we haven't been able to give them that experience yet.

Anyway, thankfully, by the time Davis arrived, I was so excited to meet and spend time with him that I almost forgot about the fact that I was sad to begin with. Almost :) Minus the fact that any time Brian and I left the hospital, we were suddenly reminded that outside the walls of that hospital, we were still baby-less.

Miraculously, though, I made it the entire weekend without crying! I did admittedly tear up a time or two, but there was no awkward sobbing in the corner of the waiting room or worse, in the delivery room, and for that, I was thankful.

Don't think that means I survived the whole process without tears, however. As is so often the case when you're (a) pumped full of hormones (b) tired, and (c) a girl, something seemingly small set me into a downward spiral of self-pity and there I found myself on Tuesday night (Brian's birthday, mind you) crying in the bathtub.

You see, after we got home from Brian's birthday dinner, we tried to talk to Allison and Wade on FaceTime so we could see Davis live and in living color. Except for some reason, after trying repeatedly, we couldn't get it to work (hmm... sounds a lot like our efforts in getting pregnant!). So I responded how any calm and rational person would by slamming our bedroom door shut, turning on the bath water, and bursting into tears.

Brian came in, slightly confused but not in the least surprised, and tried to get me to explain why I was so upset. This is where a calm and rational person would have responded with, "I've had a long couple of days and I am frustrated that the phone isn't working." Me? I responded with something to the effect of, "We can't have a baby! Davis is going to grow up without us and we aren't going to get to watch any of it! My life is ruined forever and I'll never be happy again!"

Thankfully, I married a saint, and as such, he didn't roll his eyes or tell me I was being dramatic. Instead, he reset our internet connection and gave FaceTime another shot- successfully this time. Within a matter of minutes, all was again right with the world. And this is the life of an infertile couple.

So that's where we are. Although actually, you are probably curious as to where we actually are in the process at this point. The good news (I hate you, silver lining) is that the Provera worked! I have successfully started a new cycle (62 painstaking days later) and finished taking the Femara on Friday.

My first follicle scan (ultrasound) is on Wednesday afternoon, so we are hoping that I will show some progress so that I'll feel like I'm not simply showing up at the doctor's office to throw a couple hundred dollars in their trash can :)

As is always the case, I am doing my best to remain cautiously optimistic, so feel free to join me in doing the same. Do not, however, feel free to remind me to "just relax" unless you want me to "just avoid you" for the rest of my life :)

That's all for today- stay tuned for another episode of "why I'm a therapist's dream come true" where I tell you all about how I now view every other potential mother as my competition. Because that's normal and healthy, right? I thought so.

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T08:00:00.003-05:00

Sadly, this will be our first Mother's Day spent without getting to celebrate (in person) with either of our mothers! Instead, we have big plans to celebrate by going to church and then taking a trip to Walmart. Oh, what a glamorous childless life we lead...

Anyway, we love both of our wonderful moms very much. We are thankful for the love, support, and friendship that they have given to us both, and I, for one, can only hope to be half as good of a mom one day as they have both been to us!

Terrie & Brian

Betsy & Amanda

Fun fact: Both of these pictures were taken the same day at one of my wedding showers in 2007. Another fun fact: Brian and his mom did not plan to dress alike- the matching lime greens were a coincidence!

Terrie and Betsy, we wish you the happiest Mother's Day yet! Although let's be honest, it can't really be the happiest one yet without us being there, but we hope it comes close :) And happy Mother's Day to all you other mamas out there as well, especially to my sissy, who is celebrating her first as a mommy!

Half of my heart

2011-05-06T15:49:00.004-05:00

Yep, that's what Davis has. Ok that's not true, he has my whole heart. But he DOES have half of my genes. Weird to think about, right? But if you consider that Allison and I are identical twins (and therefore genetically identical), then my genes make up half of Davis's genes. Crazy, I know!

Anyway, as you all know, he is adorable and perfect, which makes it all the more painful for me to not be able to hug and squeeze him on a daily basis. I told Allison today that I wanted to squeeze him until his brains come out and she, for some strange reason, didn't think that was a good idea. What a buzz-kill, right?

I'm sure you're also all curious as to how I "handled" the whole event in my emotionally fragile state, but I am going to save the deep thoughts for another post, so you'll just have to wait.

In the meantime, I wanted to share these two videos that were taken within Davis's first 24 hours. But be warned: his cuteness is almost too much to handle.

The first is from when baby Davis met his mommy for the first time (well, post delivery, that is) (and please pardon my annoying baby voice):

And the second was the next morning while he was resting and recovering from the traumatic event known as being born:

So tell the truth- how many of you had to pause repeatedly and/or turn off the computer in order to avoid exploding from the cuteness? Everyone? I thought so.