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Friday, June 12, 2015

Fitness Revolution

Hello faithful readers of Amanda’s blog! Back by popular demand/Amanda's request to post as birthday present, I (Brian) would like to present something that I discovered – nay, was revealed to me like the Revelation to the apostle John.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I scroll through the stories on Yahoo!. If you haven’t ever done that yourself, you will learn such interesting things as “Jennifer Lawrence Rocks Impossibly Short Shorts While Apartment Hunting in New York”, “Police Shut Down Girls’ Lemonade Stand”, “Highest Paid Athletes”, “Ancient Church Discovered”, “What Bill Clinton Will Stop Doing if Hillary Wins”, and “We asked an exercise scientist how many days a week you need to work out to actually make a difference”.

All things that we must learn about – obviously. Oh and to make sure your curiosity doesn’t get the best of you, let me SaveYouAClick by giving you the answers: her shorts were short, they didn’t have a permit, #1 is Floyd Mayweather with $300 million/year, they were making a road in Israel and found some rocks in shapes that looked like church, paid speeches, and 3 days/week. Wow I feel better already.

It is in this vein that I discovered that I apparently am/have been participating in the latest fitness trend for 30-40 something adult males. I had been waiting the last decade or so to finally have my fitness routine be accepted by others. To be seen in the same light as the crossfitters, joggers, weight lifters, etc. That time has come, my time is now.

I am talking about Dad Bod.

Hell yes.

Oh you don’t know or haven’t heard of Dad Bod? In a Pulitzer Prize winning article by a college student from Clemson, it describes Dad Bod as “a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, ‘I go to the gym occasionally, but I drink on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.’ It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either.”
Friends, if you have ever met me, this is my life. I actually ate eight slices of frozen pizza about a week ago. The gym part, notsomuch, as the last time I went to a gym was 2009 or 2010… I can’t remember honestly.

Back to yahoo articles – Rob Lowe is “Obsessed” with Dad Bod. “Science” proves that Dad Bod is for real.

Rob Lowe and Science agree – Dad Bod is great. What more do we need?

If you are confused as to what Dad Bod is, please allow me to present some examples:

Leonardo Dicaprio

John Hamm


Adam Sandler

Will Ferrell

Still Confused?

Here is one that labels what is and what is not Dad Bod:

Ok at this point I know you all must be wondering to yourself, “How can I or my spouse achieve this model of fitness known as Dad Bod?” Well, the good news is that I found a three-day sample diet (repeat twice per week, and the 7th day is your cheat day) from NYMag.com. I've included day 1 as a sample:

Day 1:
Breakfast: Orange Gatorade and a Clif Bar
Snack: Protein powder mixed into JIF, smeared on a single slice of white bread
Lunch: Two Trader Joe’s frozen burritos and a Wendy’s Frosty (no fries for dipping)
Snack: Two-thirds of a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, two Coors beers
Dinner: Six slices of a large Papa John’s pepperoni pizza dipped in garlic-butter sauce and three Budweisers

Here's another example including some of my recommendations:
 • Breakfast: Two donuts + a kolache from Shipley's
 • Lunch: Italian BMT sandwich + Cheez-its
 • Snack: Kid's meal from your fast food establishment of choice
 • Dinner: Chipotle burrito + your children's quesadilla leftovers
 • Dessert: Mixed drinks

Please consult a nutritionist or physician before starting any new diet plan, specifically this one.

So there you have it friends, you too can have a Dad Bod. Ladies, you are welcome for the hot rockin’ bods your husbands will soon have. Men, get to work as this doesn’t happen overnight… or does it?

Oh, and in case the moms out there are wondering if there is a Mom Bod… there is! However, the method to get Mom Bod is different.

How to get Mom Bod:



And for those curious minds that want to see my Dad Bod, here is your reward:

You're welcome.

10 comments:

the blogivers said...

Hahaha you (Brian) and this post are ridiculous!

Brittnie said...

Hahaha!

Aubrey said...

This is hilarious! And I'm jealous that mom
Bod doesn't include eating a kids meal from a fast food joint!

Katy said...

Ha ha! This is awesome! I wonder if my husband realizes he has a Dad Bod....

Nelson Bartley said...

Why doesn't Brian Have his own blog???
I've heard of dad bod. Seems to be very popular. Great post.

Erika said...

Haaaaaa!!!! This totally made my day. Also, do I get extra credit since I have accomplished having a Mom Bod without actually pushing out a baby? I credit it to lacking the time and will to work out combined with eating a diet based on convenience and exhaustion. BAM- instant mom bod!

Brittany Gaspard said...

This is quite possibly the most hilarius thing I've ever read.

Emily said...

This is awesome! I have to add that the "Dad bod" is not too far off from the "boy next door" look and, a study found that women PREFER the "boy next door" look, so in fact, you (and my husband, and all the other men out there) are actually in higher demand than Zac Efron! (Study: http://aplus.com/a/women-in-the-uk-describe-the-looks-of-a-perfect-man-and-it-s-not-what-most-men-would-think-?so=dUgSiTkh3Lxa2qcNSePFhe&ref=ns)

Cole said...

I laughed through the entire post! I'm sending it to my male friends to see if they've achieved "dad bod" yet!

Natasha said...

I've had this post up for a week because it makes me laugh every time I read it! The picture at the end totally makes the post!!!

Also, Dave (my husband) said this is one of the funniest things he's read on the Internet in a long time. And we both knew about the Dad Bod before this post so that's saying something!

Brian -- post more often please! Unless your humour only comes out in small doses :)