And fittingly, yesterday, my pity party reached its peak following the Mother's Day Tea at the twins' daycare. I should have expected as much... things never go well when the two of them are both competing for my attention, and especially at the end of the day when they are both extra in need of attention.
Clara was (as usual) extra clingy and flipped her lid any time I tried to put her down or walk away. And having her stuck to me like a koala bear made it pretty difficult to show Colby any affection, which made him mad and resulted in a series of mini-tantrums and aggressive behavior, including hitting Clara in the face twice when I told him he couldn't have a SIXTH cookie.
I finally decided to cut my losses and head home, but when I had to put Clara down so I could corral Colby out of the Director's office (with my arms also full of all of their stuff), she threw herself on the floor and started screaming. Colby then attempted to run into the very busy parking lot while Clara continued screaming, at which point a sweet friend came to my rescue and helped me carry them to the car.
I finally got them both loaded into the car (during which time Clara managed to bite Colby, resulting in more screaming) and once I buckled myself in, the weight of my discouragement came crashing down and all I could do was cry. Because I felt embarrassed. Because I felt incapable. Because I felt overwhelmed. Because I felt like surely all of my children's bad behavior was 100% my fault and surely all of the other moms and teachers thought the same.
Understatement of the century: being a mom is HARD. I generally feel like I'm able to rise to the occasion when given a task, but with this job, some days I feel like I just can't do it. Like I'm not cut out for parenting and that the twins have figured it out and are trying their best to force me into surrendering.
When the twins were babies, a friend shared some advice (that her mom gave her, of course!): she said that if we were perfect parents and could fulfill every need our children ever had, then they would never realize their need for God. And in that same vein, I think that if it weren't for raising children (and how terribly awful I am at it sometimes), I might not realize my own need for His grace.
And so with that, on this Mother's Day, I'm going to try to be thankful for my inadequacy, and remember that even though God didn't make me the perfect mom, he made me the perfect mom for Colby and Clara. And in case you're in the same boat, I pray that you would remember the same!
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9