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Friday, May 8, 2015

Mother's Day musings from an imperfect mom

So as most of you have already heard, I've had kind of an annoying week. Nothing major has gone wrong, but a series of little frustrations have culminated and convinced me that (a) my children are on a mission to send me to the insane asylum and (b) I'm inadequate as a mother.

And fittingly, yesterday, my pity party reached its peak following the Mother's Day Tea at the twins' daycare. I should have expected as much... things never go well when the two of them are both competing for my attention, and especially at the end of the day when they are both extra in need of attention.

Clara was (as usual) extra clingy and flipped her lid any time I tried to put her down or walk away. And having her stuck to me like a koala bear made it pretty difficult to show Colby any affection, which made him mad and resulted in a series of mini-tantrums and aggressive behavior, including hitting Clara in the face twice when I told him he couldn't have a SIXTH cookie.

I finally decided to cut my losses and head home, but when I had to put Clara down so I could corral Colby out of the Director's office (with my arms also full of all of their stuff), she threw herself on the floor and started screaming. Colby then attempted to run into the very busy parking lot while Clara continued screaming, at which point a sweet friend came to my rescue and helped me carry them to the car.

I finally got them both loaded into the car (during which time Clara managed to bite Colby, resulting in more screaming) and once I buckled myself in, the weight of my discouragement came crashing down and all I could do was cry. Because I felt embarrassed. Because I felt incapable. Because I felt overwhelmed. Because I felt like surely all of my children's bad behavior was 100% my fault and surely all of the other moms and teachers thought the same.

Understatement of the century: being a mom is HARD. I generally feel like I'm able to rise to the occasion when given a task, but with this job, some days I feel like I just can't do it. Like I'm not cut out for parenting and that the twins have figured it out and are trying their best to force me into surrendering.

When the twins were babies, a friend shared some advice (that her mom gave her, of course!): she said that if we were perfect parents and could fulfill every need our children ever had, then they would never realize their need for God. And in that same vein, I think that if it weren't for raising children (and how terribly awful I am at it sometimes), I might not realize my own need for His grace.

And so with that, on this Mother's Day, I'm going to try to be thankful for my inadequacy, and remember that even though God didn't make me the perfect mom, he made me the perfect mom for Colby and Clara. And in case you're in the same boat, I pray that you would remember the same!

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9






8 comments:

Terrie said...

Do not EVER underestimate yourself or your ability to be a great mom. You do a phenomenal job but kids are kids and they are smart and will try your patience everyday. That is what they do! hang in there. We (moms) have all been there and therefore, you are not judged. Remember, you have twice the challenge but twice the love as well! Love you!

the blogivers said...

A smart perspective from my smart sis! You are a great mom who loves her kids well, and I PROMISE you will look back on this post a year from now and be on the other side of this trying phase - even if they are driving you crazy in new ways then :) praying there are lots of redeeming moments for you guys this weekend!

Emily said...

Great post. Acting out in public is embarrassing and a major blow to motherhood self esteem. Although Aaron can usually get through errands without incident, I feel like he saves his Ultimate Monster Nightmare Mode for when I MOST want him to behave - like at a childless friend's house (who cannot relate to tantrums), and at a company event (happening tonight so... yeah). It's hard. It's frustrating. It's embarrassing. And it'll all be ok [someday]. :)

Brittnie said...

I'm so sorry yesterday was rough. I am thankful though that you are remembering the wisdom another momma passed down to you because there is so much truth to it! We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes as mothers. We have to have grace with ourself too and remember that we are also learning as we go!! Love you! Happy early Mothers Day!

Erika said...

Ugh, that does sound like a super overwhelming situation at daycare yesterday!! I think that is some really good advice your friend's mom had. And I hope that C+C pull it together and treat you well this weekend!!

kayla Agan said...

I carry a wooden spoon in my purse. Just saying. And believe me this did not originate from perfect angels who never defy me or run into the street or go limp in the parking lot. Just sayin. ;)

Brittany said...

This was great and so encouraging! Thank you! :) Today was a rough day and I felt like a horrible mom because of how I handled certain things (such as R giving the entire powder room a bath of soap and water…you know, walls, toilet, mirror, the entire floor). Hang in there! Tomorrow is a new day - yay!!! :)

Natasha said...

Being a mom is simultaneously amazing and hard. You are doing an awesome job and you will get through this.