In place of the normal weekend recap, I'm here to bring you some deep thoughts to start off the week. This topic/question has randomly been coming up a lot lately, and I'm sure some of you are in the same boat, so I thought I'd share my thoughts...
I don't think I want to have any more kids. I know that probably sounds terrible coming from someone who would have given all of her appendages to obtain children a few short years ago, but it's true.
I didn't spend all of my pre-child days dreaming of having one boy and one girl- in fact, I always said I wanted three (saying I wanted two just felt like I was aiming to be average, ha!). And it still annoys me when people tell me how lucky we were to "be finished in just one shot" by having one of each at the same time (especially if they knew how many "shots" IVF actually entailed ;), as if any other number or combination was less than perfect.
But I would also be lying if I didn't say that having one of each allows us to experience the best of both worlds. And with two, we aren't outnumbered. Life, though chaotic and very full, still feels manageable... and if you know me, you know that I like manageable!
The interesting thing about having two at one time (and no more) is this: it's sad to think of all of the things that you only get to do once- the cuteness of the newborn days, the excitement of new milestones, eventually the first day of school, etc. But at the same time, it's also a relief to think of all of the things that you only have to do once- the exhaustion of the newborn days, the stress of transitioning from one life stage to the next, and heck, even eventually the awkwardness of middle school!
And the latter sentiment is really where my mind is stuck these days. I feel like I spent the first year of the twins' lives in a fog, and in their second year of life, I finally feel like we have the hang of this life-as-a-family-of-four thing and it seems like only a crazy person would mess that up. But considering people have more than one child (or in our case, more than two at one time) ALL THE TIME, it can't be all that crazy.
I would dare to say, however, that moms of multiples are slightly more shell-shocked and that perhaps the PTSD that results from ensuring the survival of more than one infant at a time lingers a little longer. Which might explain why, every time I hear about someone with a child around the twins' age being pregnant with another, I am baffled. How is anyone ready to do this all over again?!
But of course, deciding if/when we're "done" is not as cut and dry as it is for most couples because if you'll recall (or in case you never caught it in the excitement of finding out our first round of IVF was successful), we still have 4 frozen embryos in the bank! So if we really and truly think Colby and Clara are "it," then we still have some tricky decisions to make.
Thankfully, we don't have to decide anything any time soon. So unless/until we sense some clear direction from God on the topic, we can keep putting off the decision (to the tune of several hundred dollars a year- thank you, freezer fees!) for years and years to come. And while I dislike nothing more than procrastination, I'm awfully thankful for the option right now!
So that's where we stand. For those of you in a similar boat, feel free to share your thoughts or experiences! In the meantime, I'll be enjoying our "average" life as a family of four...