(And anyone else that is grossed out by breastfeeding: beware as well.)
So I thought about writing a deep and thoughtful post about nursing and the trials and tribulations I've experienced thus far. But then I decided it was too sappy and serious, and that it would require a lot less effort to just throw it all out there.
Nursing is a lot of freaking work. It is time-consuming, brain-consuming, and physically consuming. I'm sure it's a lot of freaking work for one baby, but it is really a lot of freaking work for two.
I literally feel like I have two (really cute) parasites that have taken up semi-permanent residence on my body. Actually, scratch that, thanks to my friend, the pump, I feel like I have three parasites that have taken up semi-permanent residence on my body.
Let's talk about some of the positives of nursing the twins so far:
- weight loss (duh)
- optimal nutrition for the babies
- hopefully it keeps the babies healthier and boosts their immune systems, especially in the germ pool known as daycare (our daycare is great, but inherently full of germs!)
- easier and more efficient than dealing with bottles
- it's FREE!!
Now let's talk about some of the not-so-positives so far:
- Colby has had latching issues from the start, which resulted in me having to use one of these for a while.
- I have gotten multiple milk blisters. These are not fun, and they hurt. A lot.
- I have also gotten multiple plugged ducts (mostly since returning to work and pumping). These are also not fun.
- The position I use to nurse them leaves me feeling like a hunchback.
- But on the list of not-so-positives, this takes the cake: last week I came down with a lovely case of mastitis, complete with chills, 102+ degree fever, and pain while nursing that was so severe that I once spent half the nursing session crying and the other half screaming obscenities. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that pretty much every nursing session in the past week has resulted in the shouting of at least one obscenity. Brian even gave me a stress ball in an attempt to help me cope, but I just threw it across the room (likely while yelling an obscenity). Do you sense a theme here?
Thankfully my OB's nurse came to the rescue and called in a prescription for an antibiotic without me having to go in for a visit. However, one side effect of mastitis and antibiotics is a lowered milk supply. Because when you feel like crap and feeding your babies hurts like crap, the only thing that makes it even more awesome is for you to not produce enough milk, causing you to stress out and produce even less milk. Fun times.
And as many of you saw on facebook last week, one of the daycare teachers had the very unfortunate timing of telling me (the day that the mastitis started) that she thought the babies needed to be getting more in their bottles each day and informed me that they were hungry each time after they ate. Cue additional stressing and refer to paragraph above for how that turns out.
All this to say, I am basically just whining. I would really like to continue nursing/pumping for the reasons listed above. But I don't know realistically if I can keep up with the twins' demand, because unfortunately in my experience so far, pumping doesn't quite mimic the demand of actually nursing.
I'm not necessarily looking for advice (because to be honest, I think I've heard it all at this point), but really just sympathy. Is it shameless to admit that? I don't really care even if it is. I also don't feel bad admitting that I have been tempted to transition the babies straight to cheeseburgers so that we can be done with this whole liquid diet thing.
Thanks for letting me vent about this (as if you have a choice). Be sure to check back in tomorrow for the latest version of Would You Rather Wednesday, which I promise will have nothing to do with nursing (although I could come up with some good ones)!