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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Parenting truths

In my short 5.5 weeks as a mom, I have learned some inescapable parenting truths that I decided to share with you all:

1. If you sneak off for a quick shower while the baby is sleeping, he/she will start crying, most likely as soon as you have stepped into the shower, before you have had the chance to get clean.

2. Fussy babies generally stop being fussy right before Daddy gets home. Conversely, babies that are in a good mood and doing fun tricks immediately stop doing so right before Daddy gets home. I think this is similar to the rule that if there is something wrong with your car, you will not be able to replicate the issue when you take it in to the repair shop to get checked out.

3. If you get out a new burp cloth, the baby will spit up all over it at the next feeding, requiring you to put it in the laundry and get out a new one. The same is true if you decide to be lazy brave and burp the baby without a burp cloth- the baby will spit up on your clothes/hair/etc.

4. Relatedly, as soon as you change a diaper, the baby will immediately fill it. If you're really lucky, the baby will be proactive and start to fill said diaper while you are putting it on. If you're really, really lucky, the diaper won't be totally on yet, so pee and/or poop will end up where it doesn't belong (including on your hands).

5. If you have pets, they will start begging and whining to be fed as soon as you sit down to nurse and can do absolutely nothing about it. Not understanding that you are tied up, they will proceed to look at you impatiently as if to say, "Um, mom? You're just sitting there on the couch... can you really not get off your lazy butt and feed us?"

6. On the days that the baby sleeps the most, your to do list will be the longest, so sleeping while the baby sleeps will not be possible. If you decide to toss the to do list out the window and take a nap anyway, the baby will wake up.

7. If you complain on Facebook that your baby is particularly high maintenance/fussy, any time someone comes over in the near future (out of pity in most cases), the baby will make a liar out of you and behave perfectly (except between the hours of 10 pm-7 am, during which time obviously no one would be visiting).

8. And to end on a positive note, as soon as you are fed up and ready to throw in the towel with the whole parenting thing (side note: that isn't actually allowed, apparently), the baby will do something so unbelievably cute that you will forget you were ever frustrated in the first place.

Have you experienced parents/babysitters learned any other inevitable truths that you'd like to share?


hollie marie said...

I have totally come to the realization that my child only exists to make a liar out of me. He's perfected the art of making me eat my words/put my foot in my mouth.

And he's only 6 months old.

Mollyanne said...

I'm only 6 days in (this time) and am already experiencing many of these. Except now I can make the 3-year-old feed the whiny dog. Child labor for the win!

Erika said...

I don't have any advice, but I think you should ask people to come visit in the middle of the night and then maybe the babies will prove you a liar by sleeping. And your friend can just sleep on the couch. TRICK THOSE BABIEZ!

Courtney Squillante said...

I don't want to share the truths I know- it might scare you forever! Ha!!

the blogivers said...

This reminds me of a post I wrote when Davis was a babe!:

Verna said...

I've found all of those to be true as well. Once I was taking my son's temp as a newborn. Poop everywhere. Ah, motherhood is so glamorous! ;)

Brittnie said...

It's true: The baby will continue their crazy crying fits during the night if you do in fact have a friend visit during the 10pm-7am hours. Yes I admit it. . . I took my friend up on her offer to spend the night to take over Clara, so we could actually sleep and get one night free from her colic.. .And Clara put on quite the show while we slept peacefully. True story.

Kate said...

After nearly 15 months of parenting (I know, I'm a Big Deal), there is only one definitive Constant Truth I've discovered: Changing a diaper in a scarf is never a good idea.

Natasha said...

On particularly fussy days as soon as you get the baby down for a nap -- the phone rings. And it's either a telemarketer or a wrong number. Love those days.

The flip side is that once they can talk, as soon as they can tell you are about to lose it, they hug you and say "I love you mommy" and you melt.

HoagsandKisses said...

This list is so funny! I love how you maintain such a great sense of humor even when running on zero sleep. My list would probably have a few more expletives... when the bleep am I supposed to sleep?! :)

Brittany Sciba said...

Just when you have found a meal that your child actually eats and get excited to give him leftovers the next night thinking he will actually eat it, he will spit it out and scream "NO!" and throw it across the table.

PS said...

So funny and true!! I can relate as mommy to boy and girl twins also (they will be 5-months old next week).