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Monday, July 23, 2012

Hope

Good news- I have officially survived two days of shots! Saturday was admittedly a little rough just because we were getting used to a different type of injection AND dealing with administering two instead of one. Thankfully, Brian is a great nurse so the pain (and consequently the pouting) was minimal, and perhaps even more thankfully, we figured out that we can actually mix the two meds together into ONE shot instead of two- hooray!

I am happy to report that I have kept a relatively positive outlook in these beginning stages of our IVF process, and have even had a couple of people in the last week or so ask me how I remain so positive even 2.5 years into this whole ordeal. (Those of you who know me well are probably laughing out loud right now because I am typically very much your glass-not-just-half-but-completely-empty kind of girl!)

However, on Friday I seemed to hit a little bump in the road and quickly spiraled back into an all too familiar pit of despair. There were tears and more than a few pity parties hosted by yours truly. I quickly grew frustrated with myself because up until that point, I was NOT giving in to the temptation to worry or doubt, and all of a sudden, within a matter of hours, I had convinced myself that we had no reason to believe this cycle would work because HELLO, none of the other million attempts had worked either.

And it was then that I was reminded of a passage that Brian had e-mailed to me literally just the day before:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

Past = 2.5 years of disappointment
Wasteland = my uterus
New thing = hopefully a baby (or two)

It is tough for me to remember, but I have to constantly remind myself NOT to live in the past, because God is not limited by our former OR our current circumstances. A friend recently shared Romans 15:13 with me along with a quote from a book she is reading that says the same thing:

"Hope always points to the future. This title of God assures us that in Him our future can always be dramatically different from our past."

I was so encouraged by that and hope you are too, because I know I'm not the only one who is hoping for a future that looks NOTHING like the past.

And on a semi-related note, I have another story I want to share but I feel like this is already getting a little lengthy, so I'll save that for my next post.

Until next time, my friends!

10 comments:

Amanda McD said...

I like this post a lot, and love the verse from Brian.

And we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5: 3-5

the blogivers said...

Sorry about the bump in the road :(

Christian Srp said...

I'm sure everyone who clicked on the link to Srp Stories was impressed by my post from MEMORIAL DAY! Come on Christian, get your act together!!!

Thankful you are finding hope... Continuing to pray daily!

KD said...

It is so true that our past does not dictate the future! Thanks for sharing & will continue to pray!

Also, I'm sure you receive all sorts of unsolicited advice but I'm going to anyway ;) I remember my neighbor saying that when she did IVF her doctor told her to eat tons of fresh pineapple. I don't know why and I don't know why I still remember this from 4 years ago. I just wanted to pass that along and hope you like pineapple. You are now free to delete my comment due to unsolicited advice. ;)

LEB said...

I was thinking abut you this weekend hoping the shots started off well!
Im sorry Friday was rough but this new plan of ivf definitely is a reason for real hope!
I hope Wednesday's appt goes well! xoxo

Jenni said...

Don't tell our preacher, but I couldn't focus in church this weekend because I was thinking about/praying for y'all!! I am sorry about your bump in the road, but hopefully you'll be talking about (and posting pics of!) another kind of bump! Hugs and prayers for you!

L said...

Thinking about you and hope the shots continue to get easier. I feel like going through this process breakdowns are inevitable, it's important to bounce back though and it sounds like you have an awesome hubby that helps you do that. Good luck!!!

Chrissy said...

Love this post! Thinking of you and praying for all of the details to fall into place!!! xoxo

Brittany Sciba said...

Love this and love you!

Erika said...

Love you and have been thinking of you while laying on beaches, drinking fruity drinks, etc. :) Also wanted to second KD above-- eat pineapple post-transfer!! I have heard tons of people say that and I think even my own drs had me do that during IUIs...but the chemical you're going for is strongest in the CORE of the pineapple (the part you normally throw away), so you need to eat that part, too. I just blended it up into smoothies, since it's a weird texture.