With the amount of time I have spent at our fertility specialist’s office recently, I’m beginning to feel like it’s my second home. This does not, however, mean that I enjoy being there. My visits there involve far too many needles, wands, and disappointing news for that to be the case.
Most of those unpleasant aspects can’t be helped—they simply come with the territory. However, at one of my recent appointments, I took notice of a few other potential areas of improvement and before I knew it, I had begun brainstorming
Allow me to share with you the qualities that the Ideal Fertility Clinic would (and in some cases, wouldn’t) possess:
1. It would NOT share building space with an OBGYN’s office (lots of pregnant people and new moms) or pediatrician’s office (duh), nor would it be within a one-mile radius of a day care, school, or anywhere else that cute children can be found.
2. There would be an entirely separate wing of the office for the Chosen Ones whose fertility treatments have already been successful. That’s great that you got pregnant on your first round of Clomid (or your 6th IVF, even), but while I’m coming in to get poked, prodded, and generally filled with anxiety, I’d prefer not to see your smiling face. Some people think this would give the infertile folks hope for ourselves and confidence in the clinic’s potential for success. Those people are wrong.
3. There would be a complimentary chips and queso station, as well as a bartender serving margaritas (to those of us who aren’t yet enduring the two-week wait, obviously).
4. This seems like an obvious one, but there would be Kleenex readily available—as in, on every table in the office.
5. The reading material (ie: magazines) would be pre-screened prior to being placed in the waiting room. This means our eyes would not be assaulted with copies of “Parenthood Magazine,” and any issues of “People” about the latest pregnant movie star would be burned in advance.
6. Much like on pillows at nice hotels, there would be chocolates waiting on the examining table (right on top of that super special folded up drape you get to put on).
7. The staff would be comprised entirely of people who have also experienced infertility. Because few things are more frustrating than getting advice from the nurse who got pregnant with her first baby while on birth control and has had 3 more kids since.
8. The ultrasound machine would have a programmable playlist. While you wait for the doctor/nurse, you can select which song(s) you want to play in the background while they do your follicle scan. My personal preference would be “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey.
9. They would provide reward cards like restaurants do—ie: “Pay for 3 ultrasounds and you get the 4th for free!”
I could go on, but I think I’ll stop there. Feel free to chime in with your own suggestions—maybe one day we can make this place a reality!
Have a good weekend, all!