I made it home from the museum on Saturday and was greeted by Brian at the garage door, at which point I more or less collapsed into his arms in tears. There wasn't really anything for either of us to say, because it seems that in situations like that, words are actually insufficient.
We spent the next couple of hours on the couch attempting to process the information, talking briefly about what we should do next (more on that later). Fortunately, we had already made plans to go to dinner and to a baseball game that night, so although I was tempted to resign myself to the couch for the evening, we were "forced" to leave the house.
After a less than healthy dinner (chicken fingers, as prescribed by my therapist) and a few hours spent at the game, I was feeling better. More able to comprehend the thought of waking up and facing another day, at least :)
On the way home, in a moment of contemplation, one of our imaginary friends (do not judge!) asked Brian if God had forgotten about us (you might recall that she occasionally poses big questions like this to him). His response was that God had absolutely not forgotten us and he had proof. When I inquired further, he said, "Don't you think that God knew back in December when you were picking out our baseball ticket plan that we would need a night out alone together to distract us on this very night?" Excellent point. I knew I married him for a reason!
As I mentioned, Brian went to church without me the next morning (I had already decided not to go, declaring to my friend that my uterus and heart just hurt too much). After I stopped crying in bed (happy Mother's Day!), I went for a walk, and then came back home to resume crying some more while reading thoughtful posts like this one and this one and dying of jealousy over everyone's Facebook posts. I'd say it was a very healthy start to the day- ha!
Shortly after Brian came home to
And if there's anything else that puts life into perspective, it's Mexican food, which is why we ended up taking a longer route home so that we could stop by our favorite restaurant for dinner. It was such a perfect ending to our day that I didn't even care that they were passing out roses to the moms there, myself excluded (jerks) (ok, so maybe I did care... a little).
So that, my friends, is how we started to deal with infertility's most recent blow. Infertility, if you're reading this, then you should know that we're not giving up that easily. In fact, we even have a theme song ("I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz).
And Infertility, if you're still reading, then you should know that we hate you. A lot.