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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

This is not quite how I had hoped to end my blogging vacation (Part 2)

In case you missed yesterday's post, Brian and I received some disappointing news this past weekend. Are we tired of being disappointed? Yes. But sadly, we have also grown very accustomed to it. That does not mean, however, that it stings any less.

I made it home from the museum on Saturday and was greeted by Brian at the garage door, at which point I more or less collapsed into his arms in tears. There wasn't really anything for either of us to say, because it seems that in situations like that, words are actually insufficient.

We spent the next couple of hours on the couch attempting to process the information, talking briefly about what we should do next (more on that later). Fortunately, we had already made plans to go to dinner and to a baseball game that night, so although I was tempted to resign myself to the couch for the evening, we were "forced" to leave the house.

After a less than healthy dinner (chicken fingers, as prescribed by my therapist) and a few hours spent at the game, I was feeling better. More able to comprehend the thought of waking up and facing another day, at least :)

On the way home, in a moment of contemplation, one of our imaginary friends (do not judge!) asked Brian if God had forgotten about us (you might recall that she occasionally poses big questions like this to him). His response was that God had absolutely not forgotten us and he had proof. When I inquired further, he said, "Don't you think that God knew back in December when you were picking out our baseball ticket plan that we would need a night out alone together to distract us on this very night?" Excellent point. I knew I married him for a reason!

As I mentioned, Brian went to church without me the next morning (I had already decided not to go, declaring to my friend that my uterus and heart just hurt too much). After I stopped crying in bed (happy Mother's Day!), I went for a walk, and then came back home to resume crying some more while reading thoughtful posts like this one and this one and dying of jealousy over everyone's Facebook posts. I'd say it was a very healthy start to the day- ha!

Shortly after Brian came home to rescue me from myself feed me, he asked me if I was up for "going somewhere." I said yes, as long as it was nowhere that required makeup. An hour and a half later, we found ourselves on the coast with our feet in the ocean. Brian said he wanted to bring me there because something about being on the beach just puts everything into perspective. And he was right.




And if there's anything else that puts life into perspective, it's Mexican food, which is why we ended up taking a longer route home so that we could stop by our favorite restaurant for dinner. It was such a perfect ending to our day that I didn't even care that they were passing out roses to the moms there, myself excluded (jerks) (ok, so maybe I did care... a little).

So that, my friends, is how we started to deal with infertility's most recent blow. Infertility, if you're reading this, then you should know that we're not giving up that easily. In fact, we even have a theme song ("I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz).

And Infertility, if you're still reading, then you should know that we hate you. A lot.

13 comments:

The Bird said...

I hate infertility a lot, too. SO unnecessarily making great couples like you and Brian wait to get your baby in your arms. Brian's response to your imaginary friend's question was very, very wise. You are not forgotten by God. You are also thought of very often by a lot of people that you know in RL and many more from the blogoshpere. Sending you much love!

Erika said...

Yeah, infertility. BITE ME. I'm thankful you have Brian and Baby Dino and Mexican food to keep you sane out there. And an ocean. That's a nice touch. Also, you look dang good with no makeup on. I hate you a little bit for that. Just keeping it honest, here.

Courtney Squillante said...

I hate it for you!

Katy said...

I think you should punch infertility in the face. And then kick it some more while it's down on the ground trying to catch it's breath.

the blogivers said...

Your therapist sounds amazing. How much does she charge...?

Brittnie said...

I hate it for you, too. Brian is so wise and thoughtful. What a great idea to head to the ocean for a while. Thinking of you often!!

Chrissy said...

I love that y'all went to the ocean. Reading that part made me cry. I'm so glad you & Brian have each other to lean on like that. (And your imaginary friends, of course).

Brittany Sciba said...

What a great idea to go to the ocean... Just perfect. Love y'all!

LBrecher said...

aw i absolutely love that he took you to the beach....let the waves wash away the troubles!
infertility, ugh!

Kaimey said...

So so sorry for your sucky weekend. I love Brian's wisdom and heart in taking care of his wife. And "I Won't Gve Up" has become my theme song lately for all the "work" we're doing for our next baby. Sometimes the very best blessings come at the end of the hardest roads. Love y'all so much!

Katy said...

I came from Alisons blog and I just had to say how much I love your husband! (In a just-really-loved-his-comment-and-support way!) I just loved his response about God thinking about you! I will continue to keep you both in my prayers and prayer for patience in waiting on His will for both of you!!

Gillian said...

Hi Amanda... no idea if you even remember me from Westlake. I was a year behind you, but I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to send a blog "hug" your way. My heart aches for you, and I just wanted you to know there's another person out there hoping and wishing for some good news to come your way soon.

Danny Greenawalt said...

Hey Joiners. So sorry to hear. Thanks for your honesty. May God meet you deeply as you wrestle.

Love from PA! ~Danny & Gretchen