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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Never say never

Today during my lunch break, I had a needle put into my skull. As I mentioned in a recent post, I never in a million years would have thought I would willingly subject myself to such "torture," let alone be enthusiastic about doing so. But as I also mentioned, that is just one item on what has become a long list of things that I have done as a result of infertility that I never thought I would (or could) do.

Fittingly, my fellow pastor's wife and good pal, Camille, is currently hosting a BlogShare contest based on the topic: "Things I never thought I would do/say and why I changed my mind." Never one to turn down a challenge, I was eager to enter (and you should, too, if you don't mind being beaten, that is:), but even more so once I saw the chosen topic.

I know it's hard to fathom, but there was once a time when I did not think about (let alone blog about) my reproductive system. And at that time, I am fairly sure that I was smug enough to believe infertility could never happen to me. After all, my mom birthed 4 children (including a naturally occurring set of identical twins, thankyouverymuch), and my older sister also birthed 4 children, so surely genetics would grant me the same ease with getting pregnant.

Two years and one very empty uterus later, I want to dropkick that smug girl in the face. Nonetheless, I do find amusement in thinking about the things I swore I would never do/say/think in my journey (which, at the time, I anticipated would last approximately 1 month) to get pregnant. And because everyone (me) loves a good list, I am now going to share that list with you:

(Oh, and in case it isn't obvious, the "why I changed my mind" part is because we decided it was time to replace our imaginary children with real ones.)

1. Become a member of a website called fertilityfriend.com.

2. ... and visit that website multiple times daily.

3. Take my temperature every.single.morning and actually make the effort to write it down.

4. Name one of my follicles and pray for it by name (first, middle, and last).

5. And for that matter, even know what a follicle was.

6. E-mail/go to coffee with/eat dinner with/call/text message/become best friends with total and complete strangers solely (at least initially) because of our mutual inability to procreate.

7. Endure dozens of ultrasounds without ever getting to see a tiny heartbeat on the screen.

8. Pee on a stick in the bathrooms of all of Seattle's major tourist attractions.

9. Allow a stranger to poke me with needles... twice weekly.

10. Boldly inform a male co-worker (when asked why I was doing acupuncture) that I was hoping to increase the blood-flow to my uterus. (Sorry- you asked!)

11. Have my dad tell me he has a hard time reading my blog because of how many references I make to baby-making attempts and, worse, periods.

12. Become insanely jealous of the girls on 16 and Pregnant and righteously indignant towards the ones on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant (I mean, SERIOUSLY).

13. Go through 3 bottles of prenatal vitamins (240-count) without ever getting past the "prenatal" phase.

14. Remember my friends' pregnancy announcements based on where I cried when I heard the news.

15. Have a mysterious looking package wrapped in a Kroger bag delivered to my desk before work by a male co-worker (do you sense a theme here?), only to find out that it was a copy of The Infertility Cure, generously loaned to me by his daughter-in-law. (Yes, this really happened.)

So there you have it, friends. This list could go on for days (who knows? I might even do a part 2 one day if you're lucky), but unfortunately for this long-winded blogger, the contest has a word limit. And although I'm currently 89 words short of that limit, I'd like to give myself a nice margin of error in case my word counter was incorrect.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to go enter the contest yourself!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Adventures in acupuncture

Yep. I took the plunge and gave it a try. When I informed Allison that I had made my first appointment, she said, "So, are you going to have to lie on a bed of needles or something?" Apparently she was under the illusion that I was joining the circus rather than trying a new infertility treatment.

After some research, I decided to make an appointment with this acupuncturist. I decided on her for a few reasons:

1. She is certified by the ABORM (American Board of Reproductive Oriental Medicine), which I found out thanks to a tip from a newly pregnant friend.
2. Her practice is close to my house and to my office.
3. Her website was written in plain English.

These standards seem easy to satisfy, but you would be surprised by how many places I ruled out based on number 3 alone.

Regardless, to say I was nervous before the appointment was an understatement. I was worried that I was going to get there and decide everything she told me was a load of crap. I was worried that the needles would hurt. I was worried that it was going to be a waste of money. I was worried that she was going to make me eat or drink something strange. And most of all, I was worried that we could unknowingly be taking a step in the wrong direction.

Brian and I prayed before I went inside to the appointment that God would make it abundantly clear to me in that first visit whether or not that was the right next step for us. And thankfully, within minutes of meeting the practitioner (affectionately nicknamed "Needle Lady" by my clearly open-minded sister), there was not a doubt in my mind that I was exactly where God intended me to be.

For starters, I honestly think half the advantage she had was the fact that she is a woman. I have always had male doctors and never had an issue with it, but in my dealings with our fertility specialist, it has become painfully clear to me on a number of occasions that no matter how smart or empathetic they are, men will never quite be able to grasp the issues women deal with.

She asked me a bunch of questions, and (get this) seemed legitimately interested in my answers. Based on my recent interactions with Dr. C, I was a little gun shy in bringing up the issues I had noticed with my temperature charts and luteal phase, but not only did she not dismiss me, but she agreed with me that they were worthy of concern and, believe it or not, seemed to be interested in helping to fix them.

What surprised me was that she actually knew all of the science behind my issues- I was expecting to walk in, have her do some kind of strange chanting and rain dancing, poke me with some needles, and then send me on my way. Imagine my surprise when she mentioned actual medical terms and was able to explain what was going on in my body in a way that I actually understood. And the point when I really knew we were a good match was when she actually made a joke about my ovaries, saying that they were currently functioning like a sweat shop- it's amazing what a difference a little humor can make when you are spilling your guts about your mind-numbingly frustrating medical condition(s).

And lastly, and perhaps most importantly, she was encouraging. When we were talking about PCOS, she said at one point (while literally beaming), "I know you hate it, but I LOVE PCOS!" And by that, she meant that she has taken a lot of interest in it and enjoys the challenge of "rehabilitating" patients that have it. She didn't guarantee that we would end up pregnant, but she seemed very optimistic about our chances and thought it was not so much a matter of "if," but more a matter of "when."

I promise I am going to stop raving soon, but I also appreciated that her approach was more directed at the goal of getting my system back in working order rather than just helping us get pregnant. Yes, the goal is for us to have a baby, but more importantly, I would like for my body to function properly without requiring chemical assistance. What a novel concept!

Ok I'm done now, I promise.

Oh, and to answer your question, no, the needles didn't hurt. It was just a quick poke (or 10) and then I didn't feel a thing. I did keep my eyes closed the whole time, however, because watching them stick out of me weirded me out.

I'm going to have to go in twice a week for the first month or two until my body starts to get back on track. Our plan for now is just to try this on its own and see what kind of results we get. If, in a few months, we haven't made much progress, then we'll consider adding in other medical treatment in conjunction with it. And I'm sure many of you will be happy to hear that we will most likely be trying out a different specialist if and when that happens, because we have just about written Dr. C off at this point. Sadly, that means no more stories about Robot Nurse or Nurse Goldfish, but I'm sure you'll get over it.

So that's where we are. I'll be sure to keep you posted, no doubt with an amusing story or two to keep you entertained along the way.

Thanks for the 8 millionth time for your continued support and prayers!

PS- For all of you Words with Friends fans, the word "Qi" was used on several occasions in one of the pieces of literature she gave me. Nice to know the word doesn't exist solely for the purpose of getting rid of a 'q,' right? :)

Friday, August 26, 2011

For once, being right is not nearly as satisfying

Ok it's time for some new blogging rules:

New rule #1: I am NOT going to apologize anymore for being sad. Or for being unable to cope with reality. Or for having a hard time being around pregnant people/mommies. Or for moping. With that said, I will apologize if I act mean and/or selfish, because while a lot of the feelings that I am experiencing are normal, my circumstances are NOT an excuse for me to mistreat people.

New rule #2: I am not going to keep promising that I will write a more positive and upbeat post "some time soon," because let's be honest, that is not likely to happen, and if I wait until it does, then I might not be blogging again for a very long time.

Now that we have those out of the way, let's move on.

I took a pregnancy test this morning, and it was negative. On the one hand, I completely wasn't surprised, because as I mentioned to my doctor (who, if you'll recall, seemed to dismiss me entirely), I was fairly confident that I didn't ovulate. On the other hand, any time you go 37 days without a period (or as is often the case for me, 50+), there is always SOME hope that maybe this cycle will be the one.

A friend at work had actually recently given me this specific pregnancy test with a thoughtful note about how she hoped it would give me good news when I used it and she mentioned that she even prayed over it before she gave it to me. So yesterday when I inventoried the bathroom cabinet and learned that this test was the only one I had left, I faced a major internal struggle: Do I bite the bullet and use the "special" test, knowing fully well that I am not really giving it the best chance to succeed, or do I go out of my way to buy another test and save that one for a time when it will more likely be positive?

My practical side took over, however, and I decided that I just needed to suck it up and use the one that I already had on hand. I have a feeling this decision did not surprise Brian one bit, however, being that he has had to listen to more than his fair share of lectures about the importance of finishing up one bag of chips before opening up a new one because there is no sense in having TWO unopened bags of chips in the pantry. Oh, the burdens of being type A...

Anyway, it was a super fancy digital test, and so rather than the one pink line, I got a "-NO" instead. I sure am glad they added that minus sign in case there was any ambiguity about the giant "NO" that was written next to it. Thanks for ruining yet another day for me, First Response.

Regardless, I dusted myself off and moved on with the day, determined not to get worked up about what I had already more or less known was the outcome for a week or so. And for the most part, I have functioned fine, minus one crying episode in which I told Brian that I wished every pregnant person would crawl in a hole until they have their babies, at which point they could move to an island where I wouldn't have to know about them just so I won't feel so sorry for myself in comparison. But in reality, not knowing about other people being pregnant wouldn't help at all because I would still be all too aware that we are not pregnant, so that plan is flawed.

And for the record, pregnant friends and friends with children, I'm not serious, and I don't hold any of you responsible for my current state of frustration/sadness/rage, so please know that I'm kidding :)

Anyway, the negative test confirmed that we do, in fact, have to actually make a decision about what to do next. And both because I have minimal confidence in my doctor at the moment and because I have gotten about 7,234 recommendations to do so in the past month, I am going to give acupuncture a try.

Being that I am pretty straight-laced and traditional in my approach to just about everything in life, I never thought I would say those words. However, I also never thought I would be chronicling the functions (or dysfunctions) of my ovaries on the internet, nor did I anticipate that I would have gone through NINE rounds of fertility medication (Clomid x 4 and Femara x 5) without having any success, so it turns out infertility holds all kinds of fun surprises!

My consultation is tomorrow morning, and then I will find out what my treatment plan is from there. I am nervous for a variety of reasons- not the least of which is because of the possibility that this, too, might not work. So my specific prayer request at this point is that the acupuncturist would be a good fit for me- that she would be genuinely interested in/concerned with our situation, and that God would give her the wisdom to treat my issues in the most effective way.

So that's that. I'll provide more updates soon, but for now, I'm off to escape from my own problems by watching Unsolved Mysteries on Lifetime while I wait for Brian to get home from work. Have a great weekend!

Monday, August 22, 2011

This post brought to you by Eeyore

Some of you might be optimistic enough to think that the reason I haven't posted in 10 days is because I am actually pregnant and too distracted to blog. Those of you who have spent any amount of time with me and/or are friends with me on facebook know that this is not, in fact, the case. But rather, my brain is so completely devoid of thoughts unrelated to infertility that I literally have not been able to pull it together long enough to string together coherent thoughts that don't read something like this: "We can't get pregnant. And I'm frustrated about it. The end."

I know I have mentioned this before, but I am really getting tired of myself. Tired of the same old conversations that I have in my head. Tired of the same prayers to God every morning the second that I wake up, at night before I fall asleep, and for the remaining 16 hours in between. And let's not even talk about the incessant dreams about being pregnant, or worse, finding out someone else is pregnant.

Which brings me to a topic I have mentioned before: infertility for some reason feels like a competition to me. It is literally as if I am in competition with all other females to get pregnant, and every time one of them "wins" by succeeding in this mission, I lose. How terrible is that? Allison even had to tell me a while back that God does not have a set number of babies to give out, and that just because one person is pregnant, doesn't mean that it's one less baby available for the taking. But I will be honest- it totally feels that way.

I have also decided that there are very few things in life more isolating than infertility. As is evidenced by this already mind-numbingly boring (and borderline depressing) post, I have a very hard time relating to people right now that have not ever been or are not currently affected by infertility. If you don't believe me, then you should know that I discussed my ovaries at work today on the phone with a colleague. SERIOUSLY.

I keep praying that God would give me the self-control to talk about it less, but then I find myself wandering off on a bunny trail and before I know it, I am pulling out my phone to update Fertility Friend (oh yes, there's an app for that).

Don't get me wrong- I am thankful for friends that have been in or are currently in this same boat, but I feel like I am having a harder and harder time finding common ground with those that aren't. Which, I realize, is totally selfish and stupid, but it seems to be my best defense mechanism at the moment. If I don't hang out with them, I won't have to think about how great it must be to either (a) be pregnant, (b) have children, or (c) be at a stage in life where children are not even on their radar.

As a side note, if you fall into one of those categories, please don't think I don't want to spend time with you... just know that it is hard for me to do so right now and I am doing my best to make the extra effort, but some days I do a crappier job of that than others.

All that to say, the point of this post is not to make excuses for myself or ask you all to tell me that my bad behavior is understandable or even acceptable, but rather to give you a glimpse into my sad little brain (and heart) in case you were wondering what life is like for me lately.

As an update, I scheduled an appointment last week because my temperature still had not shifted (therefore leading me to believe I still had not ovulated). The doctor basically dismissed my concerns and said that I had apparently not just one, but two follicles (um, why didn't anyone mention the second one to me?!), and that it was unlikely that I hadn't ovulated.

I kindly pointed out that it was my understanding that, by definition, PCOS means that I produce a lot of follicles each cycle that don't release eggs (and therefore turn into cysts), and asked why he didn't think it was plausible that this had been the case. His response was that it "was possible that I didn't ovulate," but that was about as much legitimacy as he would give to my concerns.

He offered to do a progesterone test, but I wasn't interested in wasting $90 to confirm what I am fairly certain did not happen. As a disclaimer, I realize that my temperature chart could be 100% inaccurate. I could have a broken thermometer, for all I know. And I would be thrilled if I was wrong and he was right. I just wish he would have at least taken me a little more seriously.

So here we sit- waiting once again- and trying to figure out what (if anything) to do next. We have a few options, although none of them seem very appealing right now, unless snapping my fingers and immediately becoming pregnant counts as an option? :)

I will TRY to get back into normal Amanda mode soon and not put you through any more mopey posts like this- but no promises! And in the meantime, if you have any surefire suggestions on how to distract myself from my every day reality, please do share!

Friday, August 12, 2011

The promised recaps

So where shall we begin?

Oh, yes, with the anniversary. Sadly, we spent the better part of the day at our respective offices rather than together. We did, as I mentioned on facebook, decide to forego our normal Thursday morning work-out (walk with the dogs) in favor of baking and eating these for breakfast, which I think you'll all agree was a very wise decision.


And speaking of wise decisions, after dinner at a local Italian restaurant (we are such townies!), we treated ourselves to a romantic dessert outing at Dairy Queen. I tried the Nutter Butter Blizzard (current BOTM), and while I think it could have benefitted from the addition of a little chocolate (what couldn't?!), all in all I would say it was pretty tasty.


Did I mention that we stopped at Radio Shack between dinner and dessert to pick up a headphone splitter for our iPad? If you ask me, it really doesn't get more romantic than that.

With our anniversary behind us, we boarded the plane the next day for Seattle. And let me just say, first of all, that Brian is really lucky that we arrived there so soon after our anniversary, because otherwise I would have likely forgotten our vows altogether and proposed marriage to the weather the minute we walked out of the airport. It was seriously that amazing.

In the mornings, it was cloudy and in the 50s-60s. It heated up to
a "toasty" 78 or so later in the day, and then cooled back down in the evenings. We actually needed jackets and at a few points, I declared that I was, indeed, cold. It's ok if you hate me. I kind of hate me too right now considering that I am sitting in our study doing NOTHING and somehow I am still sweating.

The trip really was wonderful- I won't bore you with a day-by-day recap, but feel free to go to my Shutterfly site to peruse the 90+ pictures that we took to get an idea. We slept, we ate, we did some sight-seeing, we shopped- you know, the normal vacation activities. And more importantly, we did not wake up to an alarm once (well, except the day we left to come home... boo).

Suffice it to say we were not terribly thrilled about arriving home in Houston on the 9th day in a row of 100+ degree temperatures... or to go back to work the next day! But we are very thankful for the break we had from the heat, and more importantly, from reality. If you are looking for a get-away, we highly recommend taking a trip to Seattle, as long as you promise to take us with you :)

And lastly, as promised, the always riveting fertility update. As I mentioned in my last update, I had a follicle scan last Thursday (on our anniversary). I was with Nurse Goldfish this time, and despite the fact that she (yes, again) seemed shocked when she noticed upon starting the scan that I had polycystic ovaries, the appointment actually went well! Ok, well my interaction with her went well- the actual appointment was just so-so, but I'll talk about that in a minute.

As you are all well aware, I am not a huge fan of either of my doctor's nurses. Nurse Goldfish in particular was pretty unsympathetic in the midst of what turned out to be our chemical pregnancy. But regardless, I knew that as long as I continued to go to Dr. C, I would have to deal with them both. And so before my appointments last week, I began praying specifically that God would soften my heart towards Nurse Goldfish and that we would be able to find some kind of common ground or connection so that I wouldn't dread having to deal with her so much.

So imagine my surprise last week when our Seattle trip came up in conversation right after she walked into the room and she responded with, "Really?? I'm going to Seattle next week! I'm from Vancouver and I love it up there!"

She then spent a good 10 minutes giving me suggestions of where to go, what to do, and when she learned it was our anniversary, she even congratulated me and wished us "luck" (which is kind of amusing) on our trip. (Sorry, Dad.)

The actual appointment (as I'm about to share) didn't exactly go as I had hoped, but I was so thankful for this little victory, and was reminded yet again that God is still listening (even if He is still refusing to be convinced that I know what is best!:)

Anyway, as for the actual scan, at first she couldn't find any maturing follicles on either side. She told me she wasn't really seeing anything, and with what I'm sure sounded like desperation in my voice, I responded by asking if she wouldn't mind double-checking the right ovary since there was a 14 mm follicle there just 2 days earlier (which was written on my chart, but I think we all know by now that reading my chart is not her strong point). She switched back over to the right side and said, "Oh, ok- there it is! Sorry, it was hiding behind another follicle." Whew. Close call. Stupid crowded ovaries.

She measured the follicle (which, to be honest, doesn't seem like a very exact science to me) and said it was around 15 mm, which meant that yes, it was growing... but very slowly. With us scheduled to be out of town for the next 5 days, she said that there wasn't much point in doing the Ovidrel (trigger shot) because it was too hard to pinpoint exactly when I should take it. She recommended that we just try this round without the shot, and even suggested I leave the ovulation predictor kits at home so I didn't have to deal with the hassle of them on vacation- the first sane advice I had heard from her in a while! (Side note: Sane though it may have been, I ignored her advice and took them with me anyway. After the absurdity of trying to pee on an ovulation predictor kit in the bathroom of the very crowded Seattle Aquarium bathroom dawned on me, I called it quits and left them in the hotel room for the rest of the trip.)

So we have basically been left entirely to our own devices with just a thermometer and a temperature chart to help light the way since that appointment. So far, my chart has shown no sign of ovulation having occurred, and while I would like to think my thermometer is just defective, unfortunately that most likely is not the case.

Regardless, a mature follicle can get up to 30 mm before ovulation occurs, and if you consider that follicles grow 1-2 mm per day (and that mine apparently was particularly slow-growing from the start), it is perfectly plausible that it's only around 22 or 23 mm at this point, and therefore just not quite ready yet. It is also very plausible that the follicle stopped growing and nothing is happening at all, BUT for obvious reasons, we are choosing to ignore that possibility at the moment!

So that's where we are. Thanks for your continued prayers and words of encouragement... and for waiting so long between my blog posts! Happy weekending to you all!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Just to hold you over...

Ok I realize I have been out of pocket for far too long (one week and counting), BUT sadly I don't have time to update you on my exciting life this evening, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow or Saturday. BUT, I can promise the following when I do write an update:

- recap of our 4th anniversary
- highlights from our trip to Seattle
- the latest on the fertility (or lack thereof) front

In the meantime, I'll hold you over with this fun fact: Someone in our house left an entire pack of gum in the pocket of his shorts... the very same shorts that I threw into the washing machine this morning with an entire load of laundry. So imagine my surprise when I started pulling clothes out of the washing machine after work this evening only to realize many of them were stuck together or had wads of (thankfully unchewed and therefore less sticky) gum stuck to them!

The bad news: I spent the better part of an hour using a razor blade to get the gum off of everything, and one pair of my hanky pankies may never be the same again.
The good news: With Brian's help, I got pretty much all of the gum out.
The interesting news: Thanks to Orbit's creativity in their flavor offerings, our clothes all currently smell like pina colada.

Also, a big victory for me: In my wrath, I did not yell at Brian or call him names! I may or may not have called his mom to tell on him, but in my defense, I was also calling her to see if she had a solution :)

Hasta luego, amigos!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Four down, 70+ to go

Hard to believe it, but today marks 4 whole years since Brian and I said, "I do."




Yep, the last one's a framer, I know.

Waaaay back on our 2nd anniversary, I shared the online version of our wedding album with you, and I have great news (as evidenced by the link)- it's still up! So feel free to join us in our trip down memory lane by going to check it out. I'm sorry to say that I don't have an online version of our wedding video, but maybe if you're lucky, I'll find a way to upload it for our 5th anniversary. Lucky you!

For very obvious reasons, our 4th year of marriage has been tough. We are thankful that, by the grace of God, infertility has not been a source of division for us. Yes, it has put a strain on our relationship at times (thank you, hormones), but I am thankful that our marriage has remained relatively unscathed, and on the contrary, has come out stronger as a result. If nothing else, I can safely say that we are better equipped than we were at this point last year to handle life's trials.

I will admit that today makes me a little sad because it marks the passing of another year with still no baby in sight. But even more so, I am thankful that today serves as a reminder that, baby or not, God has already blessed me immensely with a wonderful husband who...

... fills up my water bottle every night before bed so I don't have to the next morning.
... now works TWO jobs!
... always gives me a spoonful of his ice cream before he puts it away because he knows my fat free pudding wasn't nearly as satisfying.
... scratches the dogs' backs and puts them to bed each night.
... will do anything to make me laugh- including use Baby Dinosaur to teach me how to Dougie.
... petitions God daily to bring us a baby, and points me to that same God for comfort each time the answer is 'no.'
... still makes me mix CD's.
... gives me shots in my stomach and cleans up after my vomit without a single complaint even though I might or not might complain (loudly) if he so much as sneezes too many times in a row.

I have often said that there is nothing more humbling in life than marriage. I think that's a given in any marriage because you go from focusing almost entirely on your own needs and desires to suddenly having to consider someone else in almost every decision you make. But even more so did I find this to be true in marrying Brian, one of the most patient, unselfish, and giving people there is.

So thank you, Brian, once again for loving me despite the fact that I am easily one of the most difficult people in the world to love. The last four years have been greater than I ever could have imagined, and I can't wait to see what's in store for the rest of our lives. Just don't forget our deal- I get to die first because I wouldn't know how to do life without you :)

Happy anniversary - I love you!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Update/Prayer Request

Warning: This may be the only real update I give during this cycle, so please don't be upset if I leave you hanging!
Double warning: Dad, I'm going to be using words like "ovulation" and implying that Brian and I will be trying to get pregnant, so you may want to stop reading now.

I went in for my day 12 follicle scan today, and they found one 14 mm follicle. If you ask me, for it being this early in the cycle (I usually don't ovulate until closer to day 18) and because I took the Femara on days 4-8 instead of 3-7 (meaning I didn't finish until a day later than normal), this is pretty decent!

If you ask Robot Nurse, however, this is not good news and is cause for looking at my ovaries with disdain and being as negative as possible. She told me that "it didn't look like much was happening" and then said that I need to come in on Friday for a follow-up scan. Well newsflash, Robot Nurse, but my husband and I will be on an airplane to Seattle come Friday morning (stalkers, please stay away from our house), so no can do.

I asked her if Thursday would be ok, and she said, "Sure, but it's going to be way too early to be able to tell anything." Have I thanked you lately for how upbeat and positive you are, Robot Nurse? I haven't? Oh, maybe that's because you are a joy-sucking, pessimistic robot.

Before she left the room, I once again tried to reach out to what I hoped was even an ounce of humanity in her by saying, "But really, 14 mm is not bad considering how early it is in the cycle, right?" And she responded with, "No, it's not bad... it's just not that big." Dream-crusher.

So anyway, I am choosing to remain hopeful despite her raining on my parade, and I am choosing to trust that God, once again, is more than capable of growing that follicle to be the perfect size at the perfect time. So please join us in praying that this is the case, and that almost as importantly, I will be able to prove Robot Nurse wrong at the appointment on Thursday and rub it in her face... in a godly way, of course :)

Oh, and also, I am trying really hard not to let the stress of timing issues between treatment and our trip be an issue, because I am confident that taking this trip is far more beneficial for me and for our relationship than any medicine will be! So please pray that I would continue to have that attitude and not allow the size and progression (or lack thereof) of my follicle(s) to bring me down.

Thanks, peeps!