For obvious reasons, I didn’t clarify that my acupuncturist’s recent instructions were all geared toward making my body “hospitable” for what we hoped were the early stages of a pregnancy. I gladly obliged her strange requests because I was so sure that this time was it… that FINALLY it was “our turn” (oh, and because being lazy and avoiding salad is surprisingly easy).
No matter how hard I tried to resist the temptation to let my mind wander about announcing the good news to our families and being able to bid goodbye to 2011 with one final bit of good news, I got my hopes up and ended up disappointed. When I realized bright and early on Monday morning that this cycle had not ended up how we had hoped, I quietly went on with my day. I didn’t cry, and I even managed to look on the bright side, because hey, I did say that I would consider this cycle a success if it was less than 40 days, and it was only 37!
But as the day dragged on and the reality began to sink in that we had “failed” yet again and would be wrapping up another full year with no baby, I literally began to feel like I couldn’t breathe. The weight of the bad news (that seems to have been piling up for quite some time) combined with the fact that I am pretty sure I didn’t even actually ovulate (will explain that in another post) was just more than I could handle.
So at the end of the day, I got in my car to drive home and willed myself not to cry. I made it to the mailbox by our house, where I stopped to get the mail. A neighbor, whose house is particularly festive for the holidays, happened to be outside, and I commented to him that every night when I drive by their house, their lights and decorations make me happy. I told him that the candy cane lights lining the yard were my favorite, and then asked why they weren’t on. He responded that he just hadn’t had the chance to turn them on yet. And it was at that point that I got in my car and started crying.
Rational? Not so much. I’m pretty sure that any recent references I have made to being emotionally stable have now lost their credibility :). Nonetheless, eventually I pulled it together and dragged myself into the house. I would like to say that a good cry was all it took to make me feel better, but I would be lying if I didn’t confess that there was fudge and Bluebell Christmas Cookie ice cream consumption involved.
Brian made it home eventually (by this point, well aware of my fragile emotional state, despite his efforts to cheer me up throughout the day by e-mailing me cute pictures of puppies), and said the 9 words that he was sure would make me feel better: “Would you like to open your Christmas present early?”
Hmm, let me think. Crappy day + feeling majorly sorry for myself = SURE. After a brief scavenger hunt around the house, I pulled a piece of paper out of my stocking with a picture of a city skyline on the front. Thinking it was a picture of Dallas’s skyline (I’m a genius), I gave him a confused look and proceeded to open the piece of paper.
Inside, there was an invitation to be his date at his company’s Christmas party on Friday night (which, hopefully, was a given), and a note that he had booked us a room to stay at the hotel where they were holding the party that night. Um, newsflash: it was a picture of the Houston skyline. You know, the place where we live? Oops.
While it was very thoughtful of him to book us the hotel room, it was even more special because tonight (December 16th) marks 8 years since our very first date, and he wanted to make sure the company Christmas party didn’t prevent us from celebrating. Oh, and to top it off, he booked the hotel’s “shopping package,” which includes free breakfast AND a $50 Visa gift card, which we fully intend to spend at the neighboring Galleria (don’t worry, we aren’t braving that holiday traffic—the hotel has a free shuttle)—I know, I know, he really is the best!
So while the week didn’t quite start off as I had hoped, at least it will end that way. And because I don’t believe in coincidences, I think it’s pretty cool that way back in 2003 when God was arranging our first date, He also knew that 8 years down the line, Brian’s thoughtfulness in commemorating the event would be perfectly aligned to redeem an otherwise crummy week.
No matter how hard I tried to resist the temptation to let my mind wander about announcing the good news to our families and being able to bid goodbye to 2011 with one final bit of good news, I got my hopes up and ended up disappointed. When I realized bright and early on Monday morning that this cycle had not ended up how we had hoped, I quietly went on with my day. I didn’t cry, and I even managed to look on the bright side, because hey, I did say that I would consider this cycle a success if it was less than 40 days, and it was only 37!
But as the day dragged on and the reality began to sink in that we had “failed” yet again and would be wrapping up another full year with no baby, I literally began to feel like I couldn’t breathe. The weight of the bad news (that seems to have been piling up for quite some time) combined with the fact that I am pretty sure I didn’t even actually ovulate (will explain that in another post) was just more than I could handle.
So at the end of the day, I got in my car to drive home and willed myself not to cry. I made it to the mailbox by our house, where I stopped to get the mail. A neighbor, whose house is particularly festive for the holidays, happened to be outside, and I commented to him that every night when I drive by their house, their lights and decorations make me happy. I told him that the candy cane lights lining the yard were my favorite, and then asked why they weren’t on. He responded that he just hadn’t had the chance to turn them on yet. And it was at that point that I got in my car and started crying.
Rational? Not so much. I’m pretty sure that any recent references I have made to being emotionally stable have now lost their credibility :). Nonetheless, eventually I pulled it together and dragged myself into the house. I would like to say that a good cry was all it took to make me feel better, but I would be lying if I didn’t confess that there was fudge and Bluebell Christmas Cookie ice cream consumption involved.
Brian made it home eventually (by this point, well aware of my fragile emotional state, despite his efforts to cheer me up throughout the day by e-mailing me cute pictures of puppies), and said the 9 words that he was sure would make me feel better: “Would you like to open your Christmas present early?”
Hmm, let me think. Crappy day + feeling majorly sorry for myself = SURE. After a brief scavenger hunt around the house, I pulled a piece of paper out of my stocking with a picture of a city skyline on the front. Thinking it was a picture of Dallas’s skyline (I’m a genius), I gave him a confused look and proceeded to open the piece of paper.
Inside, there was an invitation to be his date at his company’s Christmas party on Friday night (which, hopefully, was a given), and a note that he had booked us a room to stay at the hotel where they were holding the party that night. Um, newsflash: it was a picture of the Houston skyline. You know, the place where we live? Oops.
While it was very thoughtful of him to book us the hotel room, it was even more special because tonight (December 16th) marks 8 years since our very first date, and he wanted to make sure the company Christmas party didn’t prevent us from celebrating. Oh, and to top it off, he booked the hotel’s “shopping package,” which includes free breakfast AND a $50 Visa gift card, which we fully intend to spend at the neighboring Galleria (don’t worry, we aren’t braving that holiday traffic—the hotel has a free shuttle)—I know, I know, he really is the best!
So while the week didn’t quite start off as I had hoped, at least it will end that way. And because I don’t believe in coincidences, I think it’s pretty cool that way back in 2003 when God was arranging our first date, He also knew that 8 years down the line, Brian’s thoughtfulness in commemorating the event would be perfectly aligned to redeem an otherwise crummy week.
So happy date-a-versary, Brian! Looking forward to many more memorable dates to come...
11 comments:
:( :( :( I love you and I hate infertility. But your Christmas present sounds super awesome, way to go Brian! Next year see if he wants to book that hotel room in Athens, Ga. Our skyline is AWESOME (LOLOLOLOL). Also, love that last pic of yall. So young! So innocent!'
WV: dishob. Like a dish snob. Like "I just got these awesome new Christmas dishes from my in-laws and they are so much better than your non-Christmas dishes..."
Ugh, Amanda. I am so sorry. I just feel like that's all I can say - UGH. I hate the sadness and suffering that you have to go through - it just sucks. I am sorry. So glad that Brian is such an awesome hubby to you.
(If it makes you feel any better, it I cried last weekend when Henry's sippy cup fell on the floor... also totally rational.)
Happy date-a-versary! And glad Bri picked a good pick-me-up date/present to redeem the crappy week and hopefully get you excited for Christmas. Sorry I wasn't able to do my part this week to help :(
I'm so sorry for another disappointment, Amanda. My heart breaks for you every single time this happens, but I am oh so happy that despite one very warranted emotional day, you are able to handle it a little bit better. I will be praying that baby Joiner is your New Years present. And Jacksonville also has a pretty-ish skyline. And lots of really pretty bridges. You guys really really should come and visit here some time.
BOOO for crummy news but YAY for an awesome husband who loves you so well. I hope tonight is awesome...I remember that date 8 years ago!! I love you so much and am praying in HOPE for you!!
Soooo that one made me tear up...! Right at the part about the candy cane lights. Oh, and Brian ROCKS!
So I'd be lying if I didn't get choked up at the part where Brian asked if you wanted to open your Christmas present. Hope you guys have so much fun tonight!! And you have so much to celebrate and so much to still look forward to!
I am so so sorry. I hate that you are going through this. Keeping you in my prayers...
I am so sorry you are hurting. :( I hope y'all have a super fun night! Brian is so thoughtful. Also, your friend Erika's word verification comment made me laugh! I want to be friends with her in real life because she reminds me so much of you and Allison. :) love you!!
Oh, I am so sorry :( I have cried at times that seem irrational as well (like when Rudolph was singing about her nose in the play I went to with my kinders today). It is okay to get it out!
I am glad you have a husband who clearly cherishes you! Your date-a-versaries sound so cute and I love that you celebrate them!
I hate what you are going through, Amanda. It just plain sucks. Praying for you to have peace and hope as you end 2011 and start anew in 2012. Brian did good!! Enjoy your date night and live it up! :)
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