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Friday, September 23, 2011

All I'm saying is that I never got any take-home gifts from my fertility specialist... not even a baby

What up, peeps? I'm pretty sure that after the vlog, I'm going to have to start all of my posts that way.

I would first like to report that while I did consume both walnuts and red kidney beans this past week, I have yet to try out the pomegranate popsicles. However, in my defense, there was a steady supply of cookies AND cake balls in our house all week until we finally polished them off yesterday. What was I supposed to do, let them go to waste?

Needle Lady actually didn't give me any new food suggestions this week, and although I would like to pretend that it was because she was so pleased with my obedience thus far that she gave me a week off, I think it's more likely that she just forgot. I can't really blame her for forgetting today, however, because when she walked in at the end of the session and asked me how it went, I said, "Great! ... except I sort of feel like I might throw up."

The good news is that I did not toss my cookies (or peanut butter sandwich, as was the case in this instance), and I'm pretty sure the only reason I was feeling the urge to do so was because I was lying face down on my stomach so shortly after eating. And on that note, I had an exciting acupuncture first this week- she flipped me over to my back for a change!

Normally I am lying face up while she pokes me in the arms, legs, feet, stomach, and/or skull. But apparently she was feeling crazy on Wednesday and decided to shake things up a bit, so I got to lay down with my face in one of those cradle type contraptions with the hole in the middle like they use when you get a massage. I was excited about this because I am a stomach sleeper and find that position much more relaxing, but apparently I didn't consider the fact that "much more relaxing" = "much more likely to act like I've just come out of a coma when I return to work after the appointment."

Oh, and I should also add that when I got back to work, I had sheet marks on my face and upper chest, and I was so flushed that someone asked me if I had just gotten back from tanning. Clearly this person is also blind, because in case you haven't noticed, my skin is comparable to that of Powder or Casper the Ghost. (I'm not linking to a picture of Casper because I'm assuming you all know what he looks like... a ghost.)

Anyway, back to the appointment - in addition to putting some of the needles in my back, calves, etc., she also hooked up some type of electrical stimulators to my lower back as well. I can't really think of a way to describe it except that it felt like pop rocks* feel in your mouth. Helpful, I know. And at today's appointment, in addition to the pop rocks machine, she also put a heating pad on my upper back, which means I'm now convinced she is on a serious mission to get me to fall asleep and never wake up.

Oh, and you all will love this- today she gave me a t-shirt as a token of appreciation for my business (thoughtful, I know). I know what you're thinking- the benefits to acupuncture really are endless! And I agree. I figured it was going to be just a plain t-shirt with her logo on the front, but when I unrolled it, I was pleasantly surprised to see this:

In case you can't read that, it says "Life is great... acupuncture makes it better." But even more important is the picture of the stick figure lying on the table with needles in his back, and the stick figure acupuncturist (who apparently has duck feet) standing over him.

You better believe this t-shirt is now one of my favorites and will immediately join the elite after-work attire rotation along with my old Chi Omega t-shirts and my black cotton gaucho pants from Target (referred to affectionately by my husband as my AWP's- After Work Pants).

I did promise her, however, that I would make sure to put it to good use and do some advertising for her (the logo and website are on the back)... although I didn't mention that the target audience might be limited to people that walk or drive by me while I'm out walking/running in our neighborhood. But hey, it's better than nothing!

Alright, that's all I have for now. I am including the infertility label on this post as you'll see below, but impressively, I did not mention anything about infertility at all until this point! Oh, and did I mention that I have started referring to us as "subfertile" rather than "infertile"? It sounds so much less harsh, don't you think?

*When I pulled up the pop rocks web page, I got a good laugh at the fact that they declare their product to be "the # 1 selling popping candy in the world!" Because really, who is their competition?


Kelly said...

i love the shirt! please wear it in public somewhere. you might just get some blog posts out of explaining your shirt to strangers!

The Blogivers said...

What if next time your acupuncture lady suggest adding pop rocks to your diet?!

Erika said...

That sounds like the best acu appt ever. I'm going to tell Matt about the pop rocks machine, maybe he can request it next time. And that t-shirt!! Fo' real, now! That's pretty sweet.

Brittany Sciba said...

You are so funny. :) I totally think you should get some guest posting opportunities like Allison! I would offer for you to guest post on my blog, but considering you and Allison are the only ones that read it, that might defeat the purpose. :)

Chrissy said...

I can't stop laughing that you got a t-shirt!

Kate said...

I love love love that machine... after I had it for the first time, I asked at every single appointment if it was time for "the electroids" again - I was always sad if it was a non-electroid week!

Sweet t! :)

Brittnie said...

I have had that electrical machine put on my lower stomach several times! Kinda weird but I kinda like it too. Love that you got a shirt. Seriously...This post made me lol.

Leah said...

i LOVE pop rocks and your acupuncture adventure