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Saturday, May 28, 2011

The aftermath

It is safe to say that after I wrote yesterday's post, the day actually got worse. The good news is that eventually it did get better, but from here on out, I would prefer to pretend the first half of the day did not exist.

After getting ready for work (it was a wet bun and glasses kind of day- good thing it was casual Friday!), Brian handed me a CD he had made me the night before so I could listen to it on my way to work. It was coincidentally a bunch of worship songs, and as soon as I popped it into the CD player, the tears came.

I also received a few, "Are you ok?" and "I'm so sorry" texts in the first 2-3 minutes of my drive, prompting me to sob even more uncontrollably. Combine that with the fact that my mom was unreachable (anyone else ever have those "I want my mommy" moments as an adult?), and I was officially a complete mess. And as if that wasn't enough, as I was continuing to drive/cry to work, I noticed at one point that my cheek had developed a spasm and I could NOT get it to stop. Do you have this image in your head yet?

I pulled up to work and tried desperately to pull it together, but somehow getting out of my car and going inside only made it worse, prompting an awkward interaction with our morning security guard, whom I normally make small talk with when I walk in. I just apologized through the tears and said, "I'm sorry- I'm having a bad day. But I hope you enjoy your weekend!" as cheerily as possible. He probably now thinks that I'm manic depressive, so I can't wait to see how he treats me when I go back to work next week.

I also likely scarred my male boss moments later when I was sniffling loudly as I passed his office- he asked me if everything was ok and if there was anything he could do to help. Not wanting him to think I was just being a dumb girl and crying for no reason (and because, as I have mentioned, I have a compulsive over-sharing problem), I politely explained that "my husband and I have been trying to have a baby and are having some trouble," at which point he said, "Oh, ok" and backed out of the room slowly. Wonderful way to start the work day.

I have never been so thankful for a half-day Friday because I was having a very difficult time functioning at all, let alone actually getting anything done. And in the midst of all this, I had to call the doctor. Cue Debbie Downer sound.

Coincidentally, Nurse Goldfish's actual name is Debbie. Anyway, I informed her what happened (to which I got NO sympathy whatsoever), and asked her if she could ask the doctor what our next step should be. She then told me that I would need to come in that afternoon for a scan in order for him to tell me the next step, and said he could see me at 4:50 pm in their office in the medical center (30+ miles from my house).

I told her that really would not work, and asked if she could please just call him to see if he would call in the prescription without having me come in. Her response? "I can ask, but I know he's going to say no." Thanks, jerk.

She offered for me to come in on Monday instead, to which I reminded her that they were going to be closed for Memorial Day. She then suggested I come in on Tuesday (my BIRTHDAY), at which point I started crying. I told her it was my birthday but that if I had to come in, then fine. She then told me, "Oh wait, it looks like he isn't in the Sugar Land office on Tuesday. You'd have to go to the medical center office that afternoon."

Being that I already had an appointment scheduled for Wednesday (originally scheduled for me to have bloodwork done to see if I was pregnant- ugh), I just told her that I would stick with my original appointment, but since it would be too late in the cycle for me to start any meds, that I guessed I would just have to forego treatment for that cycle. To which she responded with, "Ok!
We'll see you Wednesday!" Nurse Goldfish, don't take this the wrong way (ok... do), but you are mean and dumb.

Thankfully, Dr. C recently gave me his e-mail address, so with the urging of my sissy and husband, I sent him an e-mail explaining the situation. He called me back shortly thereafter and said that I could just go into the Sugar Land office that afternoon and get a scan there without meeting with him and he would just call in my prescription. Now was that so hard?!

I thanked him profusely and told him that Nurse Goldfish probably would not be thrilled to see me because she was so rude to me that morning. He explained that she was just trying to follow protocol, blah blah, but clearly he did not realize that I already had made up my mind that she was put on this earth only to test my patience and make me angry.

After giving it some thought, however, I really thought it would be better to actually meet with him, because I knew Nurse Goldfish and/or Robot Nurse would not provide me with any meaningful advice or answers to my questions other than their requisite, "I'm not sure, sometimes that just happens..." So I reluctantly called the office back and asked to go see Dr. C in the medical center that afternoon. And guess what? He had openings at 2:45 and 3:30- NOT just 4:50 pm. I signed up for the 2:45 appointment and then printed out a picture of Nurse Goldfish to make a dartboard out of her face. Not really, but I should have.

I realize this story is getting way too long, so I will try to wrap things up.

Two of my sweet friends took me out for lunch after work, which was far more therapeutic than my original plans (HEB and Wal-mart), and a much better way to pass the time until my appointment. Thankfully, Brian was able to get off of his temp job early and join me for the appointment. Unthankfully, the office is basically in Egypt compared to where we live, and you have to pay for parking there. I call that adding insult to injury.

Dr. C did the scan and we talked about our next options. Our plan for now is another round of Femara (which seems basically like my daily vitamin at this point), but we are going to decide in the next week or so whether or not we want to try IUI this time. The downside is that it's more expensive (but nothing compared to IVF). The upside is that it theoretically increases our odds of getting pregnant by getting "the boys" (yes, I just called them that) closer to where they need to be. I'll have my first scan on day 12, so we basically have 10 days to make a final decision. Advice welcome!

We also talked about my luteal phase issue and he agreed that it would probably be wise for me to take progesterone after I ovulate, which should be an easy fix. So that's that. We left the appointment feeling at least like we had a game plan in mind, and as a bonus, the nurse there did not ask me if I had ever been diagnosed with PCOS or shrug her shoulders when I asked her a question.

We ended the day by running some errands and going out to Gringo's for dinner. A few baskets of chips and a frozen margarita later, I was feeling much more relaxed, for which I could tell my husband was very grateful :)

Once we got home, I took a bath, finished responding to everyone's sweet and encouraging comments/e-mails/etc., and passed out. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready to start a new day. And amen for that.

Oh, and in case you thought I was just being dramatic about that run-in I had with the bed post the night before last, allow me to show you the aftermath:

And on that note, I'm going to go clean up the house for our visitors that are coming today. Hope you all enjoy the Memorial Day weekend!

9 comments:

The Blogivers said...

I think you drew that bruise on your leg to make us feel sorry for you. I'm on to you!

Ashley said...

I am sooo sorry that you are going through this aswell.... if you ever need to talk I am just an email away! I am beginning the process of IVF, just waiting for my referral. I would never which infertility on anyone!

Erika said...

You know, with all the people graduating from nursing school every day, it seems like your doctor could maybe think about investing in a new one (or two). Perhaps he could put "COMPASSIONATE, HUMAN nurse" in his job posting ad.

Also, I think that the injury you received absolutely merits new bedroom furniture. If it can do that to an adult, what kind of destruction could it inflict on the future kids??! A shopping trip is in order.

It is at this point I remember all the shopping trips I could have/still could go on if not for IF treatments. Ugh...

Katrina Dunn said...

I totally know how you feel about the nurse. I had one like that and switched doctors because I just could not stand to call and talk to her. She made me feel like an idiot every time I had something to call about. I made my other friends who went to that doctor switch, too! She was awful.

Thank you for sharing what's been going on and I will continue to pray! I wish I could give you a big hug because I know there's not much that I could say to you that would seem helpful at this point. Just know that so many people love you, care about you, and are praying for you.

Oh, and eat fresh pineapple. I hear that helps. Well, that's what my neighbor said anyways. I have no idea. ;)

Kelly said...

Oh Amanda, I sure do love you.

Kaimey said...

Instead of considering an IUI, why don't you just try to relax?!?! I promise you'll get pregnant if you stop thinking about it.
Call me if you want to talk about the IUI road.
And happy birthday eve eve!

Allena said...

I get bruises like that all the time from the end of our bed. Glad to know it's not just me. Ha! Praying for y'all.

Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...

Remember, my best friend did IUI- please let me know if you would like her email address. Shes very sweet and easy to talk to so dont be turned off that shes a stranger.

stephnachia said...

Man, when it rains, it freakin flash floods!! I appreciate all your honesty or as you call it, compulsive over-sharing (I have that problem too). :-) Malky and I prayed for you last night after Katie mentioned what had happened. We'll continue to pray for you and by golly, I believe the Lord is going to bless you with a beautiful baby and I can't wait to see the Lord be glorified through these answered prayers! Hugs to you.