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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The worst Thanksgiving ever

Such an uplifting title, don’t you think? I just thought it fitting to share a Thanksgiving memory with you, and while the pleasant Turkey Day memories far outweigh the unpleasant ones, they are far less entertaining to write/read about, so here you go.

I used to have this really fun tradition of getting sick on Thanksgiving every year. It started in 8th grade and continued on until my junior year in college, at which point I somehow managed to break the streak. So far I have been in the clear ever since, but every year as the holiday approaches, I have this fear in the back of my mind that my luck will run out. Ok I actually don’t believe in luck, but you get what I’m saying.

But of alllllllll my years of being sick, there is one that most certainly takes the cake for The Worst Thanksgiving Ever—freshman year of high school. As if being a freshman in high school isn’t painful enough, but anyway. I somehow ended up with a very severe sinus infection that went undiagnosed and therefore untreated for a few weeks.

And in case you aren’t aware of what can happen when a sinus infection goes untreated, then let me just tell you. If I did anything other than lay in my bed, my head hurt… and not just like “oh I have a little tension in my neck,” but rather, “if I tilt my head 5 degrees to the left then I’m fairly certain my neck is going to snap and I am going to die a painful death.” I even woke up crying in the middle of the night resulting in a panicked phone call from my mom to the pediatrician (at his home, no less) because she was convinced I was suffering from an aneurism.

Eventually the sinus infection caused my eye to swell to twice its normal size, which was really attractive, and was only made better by the fact that my family started referring to me as “Quasimoto.” Don’t worry, though, because my super-sympathetic high school boyfriend brought me chicken noodle soup to cheer me up… still in the can. I did, however, also score the greatest Deana Carter CD of all time during that illness and still consider that to be the soundtrack to much of my 9th grade experience.

Anyway, we were spending Thanksgiving in Dallas that year, and because I wasn’t feeling well, I stayed back and made the trip a day later with my dad after the rest of the fam had already gone. I decided to ride in the backseat so that I could lie down, and although it seemed like a good idea at the time, I soon discovered that it was a mistake.

About halfway into the car ride, I came to realize that the only thing worse than a life-ruining sinus infection was combining it with the nausea that comes with laying down in the backseat of a car for an extended period of time. I distinctly remember sitting up, telling my dad in no uncertain terms that he needed to pull over as quickly as possible, opening the door, and vomiting profusely.

Not graphic enough? Then let me just inform you here and now that I was so nauseated and sick that I then proceeded to THROW UP THROUGH MY NOSE. Mmm… beautiful mental image, I know.

I’m fairly certain that I have never been more attractive than in that moment. My wedding day probably pales in comparison.

So to wrap this magical holiday tale up, I ended up going to the doctor when I was in Dallas and, praise Jesus, they diagnosed my illness as a very severe sinus infection and gave me some drugs to get me back in working order. But as you can imagine, with a swollen eye and far-too-fresh memory of the smell and taste of vomit in my mind, I didn’t exactly enjoy that year’s turkey dinner. In fact, I’m not sure if I even bothered to eat that year’s turkey dinner, because what was the point?

So here’s to Thanksgiving—may yours be restful and vomit-free :)


6ft Blonde said...

Wow, I thought the Thanksgiving I spent with food poisoning my freshman year in college was bad but you've definitely topped me.

The Blogivers said...

Here's hoping you don't barf through your nose tomorrow!

Angela said...

Hahaha!! That was a fantastic story. I'm sorry you had to go through that trauma, but it really helped to brighten my afternoon :)