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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Real World: Richmond

If you have been desperately longing for more townie news, then believe me, today you are in for a treat. And no, I have not yet sampled the Thug Passion snow cone, so unfortunately that won’t be discussed in today’s post.

It dawned on me yesterday that in my quest for true townie-hood, I have unintentionally neglected to discuss one of the most important townie topics. While I have spent many a post discussing the merits of being a townie and outlining for you the activities in which Brian and I participate in order to achieve our maximum townie potential, I have failed to tell you about some of the legitimate townies in our area.

And when I say legitimate townies, I’m referring to those locals in the area that most people know about from personal experience, kind of like Leslie, the infamous cross-dresser, in Austin. While I wouldn’t exactly think of most of these characters as role models, I will say that I admire the townie status that they have achieved. And for that reason, today I will give you a glimpse into the lives (as we see them) of some of my favorite locals.

“Walking Lady”—as with many townies, we don’t actually know her real name. And as you also might have noticed, creativity is not exactly my strong suit, because “Walking Lady” was the best nickname I could come up with. I’m not sure that this woman is known around town, but certainly if you live in our neighborhood, you have seen her. She walks everywhere (we’re thinking she doesn’t have a car), but she is no leisurely walker. WL is ALWAYS on a mission—eyes looking intently ahead, with a forward lean as if she is trying to propel herself in that direction, and at an admirably brisk pace. I really don’t know where she goes, because rarely is she actually carrying anything with her on her return trip. Maybe one of these days I will follow her… in my car, of course, because I’m not sure I can keep up with her.

George Washington—nope, I’m not making that up. That is actually the name he goes by. This man wanders the streets of Richmond with pieces of paper taped (stapled? pinned? who knows?) all over him. I think he also subscribes to many a conspiracy theory about the government and will gladly share his political opinions with you if you ask. Or if you happen to pull up next to him at a light while he’s on a street corner.

“Shirtless Man”—again, my creativity is astounding. As you can guess, this man wanders the streets of Rich-Rose with no shirt on. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s trying to get some extra sun, or if he just wants to show off his bod (although that’s not likely being that he is likely in his 50s). All I know is that his skin is very dark and leathery, and probably feels more like a football than skin.

“The Smoker”—this one confuses me the most out of the bunch. He must live somewhere in our neighborhood, because I have crossed paths with him on several occasions while I’ve been out for a walk or run. The Smoker is always wearing workout clothes (the same outfit, tall white socks included), so I can only assume he is walking for fitness purposes, unlike Walking Lady. However, he is always cruising at a very slow pace, almost as if he doesn’t want to be walking and someone is making him do it. And it’s not because he’s old—he looks to be in his 30s or low 40s at the oldest. To top it off, he is usually smoking a cigarette while he walks. Because nothing helps you to achieve your maximum fitness level quite like taking walks on a snail-like pace while smoking. And I also want to add that he never says “hi” back to me, although I’m fairly certain he can hear me. So I have quit trying.

Gilbert—for once, this is actually his name. Brian is much more of an expert on this guy, as he is known for lingering around the church and asking for rides/money/work/etc. All I know is that I have been instructed not to talk to him, and that he has been instructed to stop loitering. And when I say that he has been instructed to stop loitering, I mean to say that the church calls the cops when he comes by. But don’t worry, that doesn’t stop him from riding by on his bike and asking me for money whenever I walk to the mailbox.

So there you have it, readers, a small glimpse into the lives of true Rich-Rose townies. I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking my town would make for an excellent reality tv show. One where a lot of dysfunctional people go walking around the neighborhood. Sounds like a hit to me!


*kimmie* said...

I can't remember the name of it, but there was a short lived TV show about a small town neighborhood where freaky things happened all the time. Maybe it was based on you? And someone please remember the name for me...

Stacey said...

Ha...don't you just love the people that don't say, "hi" back?

There used to be a lady in my neighborhood when I was about 10 and she walked for fitness, but at our young age, we didn't really know why she walked so fast. We called her, "Road Runner Lady". :oD

Bonnie said...

Kimmie, are you thinking of Eureka?

Kristen & Bryan said...

okay in all honesty...can you please describe the walking lady?

Stephanie said...

Haha! I think I should pay more attention to what goes on in my "townie" :)

shannon said...

How did you find out George Washington's name? I just called him "the guy with papers around his neck." And by neck, i mean as a necklace.

Terrie said...

I wondered the same thing Shannon did. How did you find out his name? That guy is nutso! He also talks to himself nonstop. There is another one similar to GW who walks down the middle of the street screaming and shaking his finger at whoever is driving by. However did you miss him?