Alternate post title: Umm, that was embarrassing.
Interested in ruining a perfectly good dinner with your co-workers while out of town on a business trip? Here’s how:
Step 1: Come down with an unusual and intense stomach pain during dinner. Get a little light headed, a little nauseous, and develop dry mouth.
Step 2: Inform your co-workers that you aren’t feeling so great, and then start crying and apologizing profusely.
Step 3: Have one of your co-workers stuff the remains of dinner in his face, and then walk you down to the nearest Walgreens. Meanwhile, have the other co-worker scarf down her food and get the check.
Step 4: Cry some more on the way to the Walgreens, all the while promising your co-worker that you don't normally do this kind of thing, and then stumble into the store, making sure to look disoriented and stop occasionally to double over in pain.
Pause: Make SURE that all of this is happening in the French Quarter in New Orleans, literally steps away from Bourbon Street.
Step 5: While one co-worker is trying to find the best medicine, and the other is standing by to make sure you don’t pass out, crouch for a bit on the floor, and then LIE DOWN on the floor of Walgreens.
Step 6: Cry some more, and agree with your co-workers that yes, maybe you do need to go to the doctor.
Step 7: Stumble outside with them while they hail a cab.
Step 8: Climb into a PUBLIC CAB IN NEW ORLEANS and lie down in the back seat on the way to the nearest hospital.
Step 9: Have your co-worker call your husband to inform him that you are not feeling well and you’re on the way to the ER, but not to worry because you’ll call him back in a bit.
Step 10: Moments before arriving at the hospital, realize that the pain has finally (thank the good Lord) gone away.
Step 11: Admit this with as much apologizing and embarrassment as possible to your co-workers, and proceed to hail a cab to head back to the hotel.
Step 12: Try not to die of embarrassment in the cab ride home when you come to realize that, most likely, you have just suffered from the world’s most severe gas pains.
Yes. This actually happened. To me. Tonight. Thank you, Megan and Nick, for taking care of me. And again, I’m sorry for ruining dinner :o)