Upon arriving home from work yesterday, I was excited to find not one, but TWO items in the mail with my name on them—the latest issue of Real Simple and the latest issue of Cooking Light. And although that sentence might suggest that I am cruising into my mid-40s, believe it or not, I am, in fact, only 25 years old. Anyway, being that our mail normally consists of a thrilling combination of ads from our local Fiesta and various other coupons addressed very personally to “Resident,” you can imagine my excitement.
Because Brian was still out of town and I was on my own for the evening, I decided to go ahead and tackle both magazines rather than putting them off for a few days like I usually do. And because I am nothing if not a multi-tasker, I thought I would turn on the tv and give myself a little background noise. I settled on the news (again, I promise you I’m only 25), and while flipping through the DVR menu, I saw that Oprah had ended not long before I turned on the tv. Curious as to what the latest episode was about, I went to her time slot and hit the “info” button. And here is what I read:
“Oprah discusses topics before a studio audience.”
Well thank you, Captain Obvious, I never would have guessed Oprah would be (a) discussing topics or (b) doing it before a studio audience. That was a real shock.
My tv-watching continued for the duration of the evening, and of course that included two fun-filled hours with The Biggest Loser. Ok first of all, if you didn’t tear up when they all started helping Dave (David?) up the hill when he was in last place, or when Jerry got the boot, then you might want to sit yourself down and really think hard about whether or not you are actually human. So anyway, to make light of the show’s depressing moments, they included a great deal of footage to showcase Joelle’s (not sure how she spells it) whine-fest 2009. Much like with Vicky in the last season, while watching last night’s episode, I almost wished I weighed 250+ pounds just so that I could go on the show just so I could have slapped that girl in the face.
Anyway, annoying though she may be, her behavior did prove to be somewhat amusing. At one point during the show, there was a temptation scene where the hostess was offering people money to walk off the show and forfeit their chances of winning. The first offer they made was $5,000. Joelle’s response?: “FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS?! You can get a house in Michigan for $5,000!” Um… what? I mean I know the housing market fluctuates from place to place, but I didn’t realize you could get such a bargain in Michigan. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind next time we are looking to buy a house.
I also wanted to add that the morning stand-in news anchor currently taking Lauren Freeman’s place informed Law and Order fans today that in spite of Mariska Hargitay’s lung collapsing, she does not plan to miss any SUV. I thought her character was part of the Special Victims Unit team, but I guess it’s possible that she in, fact, investigates crimes regarding sports-utility vehicles. That sure sounds like an exciting new plot twist.
So a special thank you to the television for making me a little bit dumber each day. And while we're at it, a special thank you to DVR for making it possible for me not to miss these special moments.