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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Next thing you know, I'll be blogging about Nascar...

So last night Brian and I were watching tv (The Biggest Loser to be exact… more on that later) when we saw a commercial for the Today Show. Apparently they’re airing a segment on germs, and in the commercial they say, “You’ll be shocked to learn some of the places where we found the most germs!” and then it flashes to a picture of a grocery store shopping cart. Shocked? Seriously? To learn that a shopping cart handle is covered in germs?

Apparently these people have never been in the Rosenberg Wal-mart (or any Wal-mart for that matter), because based on my experiences there, I would be shocked to learn that a shopping cart wasn’t covered in all kinds of communicable diseases. They might as well have flashed to a picture of a port-a-potty, or a public pool. And that brings up a good “would-you-rather?”: Would you rather lick the handle of a port-a-potty door 10 times OR lick the handle on a Wal-mart shopping cart 10 times?

And while we’re talking about Wally World, please allow me to give you a visual of the crowd that kept us company while we were waiting to check out on our most recent visit:

To our right: a very large woman with a t-shirt on that had “G-UNIT” written across the chest. She was, of course, with a screaming baby, whom she was, of course, ignoring. Is it that you can’t hear your child screaming bloody murder, or you’ve just stopped caring? Either way, the rest of us can hear him quite clearly. And now that I think of it, the “baby” was more like 6-years-old. In the words of my sis-in-law, Kelly, it made me want to stick my head in an oven.

Behind us: a man with a rat-tail pushing a shopping cart filled completely with an obscene number of giant cans of hominy. Seriously, like 50 or so cans. Why on earth would you need that much hominy… ever?

In front of us: an entire family wearing matching purple “family reunion” t-shirts that listed every single family member’s name on the back, complete with what I can only hope were nicknames like “Bubba” and “Lil’ John.” I assume they were either right in the middle of their reunion, or that they love the t-shirts so much that they intentionally wear them in unison whenever they leave the house.

Sometimes when I'm there I can’t remember if I’m shopping for groceries or if I've somehow walked right into the middle of a traveling circus. And for those of you that can relate, I have to pass along a forward that I recently received called Wal-mart Bingo. The idea is that you take the bingo card below with you to Wal-mart and see how quickly you can get a BINGO by checking off the things you see. I dare you to read these without laughing (you might have to click on it to make it bigger):

I think my favorite is “pregnant woman with visible ‘tramp stamp’ tattoo.”

And as for my thoughts on The Biggest Loser—weren’t Vickie, Heba, and their husbands just so tacky last night? I’m embarrassed for them that their behavior was displayed on national tv for all the world (including their kids!) to see. You can lose all the weight in the world, peeps, but it isn’t going to make a lick of a difference if you act like a big jerk. Deep thoughts, I know.

And speaking of (not) losing weight, Brian and I have another buy-one-blizzard-get-one-free coupon thanks to my membership in the DQ Blizzard Fan Club. And guess what—this month’s blizzard-of-the-month is Reese’s, my very favorite! So you can guess where we’ll be going tonight after he gets home from church. Oh the joys of being a townie… maybe if we’re lucky we can hit up one of the city’s dollar stores while we’re out, or better yet, the Tractor Supply Store! :o) Nothing but love for you, Rich-Rose, nothing but love.


Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...

I think Id rather lick the shopping cart handle

The Armstrong Family said...

Shopping cart handle, too. I think I would vomit before I could get that close to a port-o-potty. Lee & I went to the Temple WalMart on Sunday night and had the same experience. I was cracking up reading your descriptions. So funny! Where do all those people come from anyway?
I watched TBL also and can't stand to watch Vickie. She has driven me crazy since day one and I am sad that she has made those choices. Not a nice lady! I can't imagine what she'll act like towards Amy next week. Such drama!

The Joiners said...

True! I am ready for Vickie and Heba to be eliminated ASAP!

Sean and Stephanie said...

Haha! You're funny. Loved your descriptions of other shoppers, but you left out a description of the typical employee at Walmart. I'm not saying they're all bad, but the ones I've encountered make up 99% of the reason why I refuse to shop there anymore.

Brian Joiner said...

my favorite category on the bingo card: "someone with blood or puke on their clothes"

The Blogivers said...

Can I choose "death" as an option for the "would you rather"?

Kristen said...

thank you for making me laugh after a "you know what" kind of day!

maybe I just need to go to Walmart and people watch for a while! HA HA HA!

The Coles said...

ha! good laugh

Allison said...

That Wal-mart bingo is hilarious :) I can't decide if I miss Wal-mart over here, or if it's one of those stores I can easily do without :)

(fellow Houstonian currently living in Germany...found your blog via another one of my regular reads!)